Feel bad late to early pick up at preschool because of xmas show

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Okay I figured it out. All of the emails (1 email) and papers (1 paper) didn't say you had to come early. It just said "Morning xmas program". I didn't know that meant parents must attend the program at 11:30 am and another mom who doesn't attend the church didn't know as well. We both showed up at the regular time.
When my older child was in preschool it was during covid. They had parties and some parents may have volunteered but we weren't required to be at the party. I think it would make sense for the school calendar to have the time of the xmas party and the email to have a different subject. Being invited to a party that happens during school is confusing because it was mandatory.

A program is not just a party. Were the kids singing songs for the parents? That's normally what this means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Okay I figured it out. All of the emails (1 email) and papers (1 paper) didn't say you had to come early. It just said "Morning xmas program". I didn't know that meant parents must attend the program at 11:30 am and another mom who doesn't attend the church didn't know as well. We both showed up at the regular time.
When my older child was in preschool it was during covid. They had parties and some parents may have volunteered but we weren't required to be at the party. I think it would make sense for the school calendar to have the time of the xmas party and the email to have a different subject. Being invited to a party that happens during school is confusing because it was mandatory.

I don't see what the church has to do with it. I've been at several church affiliated preschools and they are separate. The school does it's own thing that has nothing to do with the church. Every year there was a Christmas program and then break started immediately after. But they would explicitly say "please make sure someone can attend with your child."

OP here. It must have something to do with it because another mom who doesn't attend the church also got it mixed up. His last day also isn't today but the program/ show was today. These programs may be more likely to happen at a church preschool. It's hard to say because his older brother was in preschool during COVID-19. I was never allowed to enter the school. Other international families in another preschool class (I think Hindu) didn't pick up at the regular time either. I think for the people who don't celebrate Christmas or Christian holidays these events are easier to miss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:2 weeks ago I was emailed some kind of invitation to this mandatory Christmas party which requires me to be there an hour early. It was an attachment I didn't open. We don't celebrate Xmas. This early pick-up wasn't on the school calendar and I work. I get a call specifically saying this lady is with him at the cookie reception because "you are not here". She didn't call my husband so it was all on me. How sexist! If they are deciding to have less preschool shouldn't they be better at notifying us? An email the day before or the morning of? That's what public schools would do and they would give us way more advance notice about picking up early from school. When I did arrive at school during the regular pick my son was sitting with his teachers and everyone else eating cookies. She mentioned she sent an email and sent home a note in his folder. I honestly throw most of those papers in the recycling. If I did see something at the party I probably assumed it was at night and we wouldn't go. I should be more careful and read all the papers I guess..i hope there aren't anymore early pick-ups until graduation. Of course, every kid has both their mom and dad attend the Xmas party and Thanksgiving one. We went to the Thanksgiving one but we can't take off in the middle of the day at 11:30 am to hear his class sing for 5 his and eat cookies.


Sounds like you are blaming everyone but yourself. What is the point of starting this thread? Are you expecting us to agree with you?

Yes how dare they give you notice that you are too busy to read! Giving cookies to children! How thoughtless!!!😳

[Anonymous]

Attachments are annoying. Normally a preschool will also print out the flier and post it on the entry door and classroom doors and teachers will say at pick-up “don’t forget tomorrow is pajama day / sing along / early pick up” etc.

Honestly your kid will not remember this. You don’t have to go to every single school event. A lot of working moms I know have the same policy as my family. Each parent goes to 1 workday even per kid, per school year. It can be a field trip, winter sing along, Halloween Party, etc. Within reason, we let the kids pick and we block our work calendar. I skipped my work department holiday luncheon because my 1st grader really wanted me to come to his class to make gingerbread houses.

It’s tough the first year at any school because you don’t know which events are a big deal and which are just “parents tolerated”. Make friends with parents who have a kid in your child’s grade as well as a child 1-2 years older. Especially if their kids are the same gender as yours - those families will be a wealth of information regarding camp sign ups, sports leagues, and all things at school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Attachments are annoying. Normally a preschool will also print out the flier and post it on the entry door and classroom doors and teachers will say at pick-up “don’t forget tomorrow is pajama day / sing along / early pick up” etc.

Honestly your kid will not remember this. You don’t have to go to every single school event. A lot of working moms I know have the same policy as my family. Each parent goes to 1 workday even per kid, per school year. It can be a field trip, winter sing along, Halloween Party, etc. Within reason, we let the kids pick and we block our work calendar. I skipped my work department holiday luncheon because my 1st grader really wanted me to come to his class to make gingerbread houses.

It’s tough the first year at any school because you don’t know which events are a big deal and which are just “parents tolerated”. Make friends with parents who have a kid in your child’s grade as well as a child 1-2 years older. Especially if their kids are the same gender as yours - those families will be a wealth of information regarding camp sign ups, sports leagues, and all things at school.

And if your kid really wants people at school, think about your village. My parents or my husband’s parents have gone to my kids’ school things in our place. Several kids in my son’s class had a 4th or 5th grade sibling as their mystery reader. Growing up my mom was a teacher at a different school. The only time she came to a school day event in 13 years was my senior year awards assembly. My aunt, elderly neighbor, or a family friend from church came to see my daytime events several times.

[Anonymous]

You’re a piece of work. How much more notice do you need? Neon signs, smoke signals, or what? They sent an email, you didn’t open it. They sent a paper, you threw it away.

You failed as a parent here. It’s OK!! Now you know to open and read the emails and to read the papers that the teacher sent home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Attachments are annoying. Normally a preschool will also print out the flier and post it on the entry door and classroom doors and teachers will say at pick-up “don’t forget tomorrow is pajama day / sing along / early pick up” etc.

Honestly your kid will not remember this. You don’t have to go to every single school event. A lot of working moms I know have the same policy as my family. Each parent goes to 1 workday even per kid, per school year. It can be a field trip, winter sing along, Halloween Party, etc. Within reason, we let the kids pick and we block our work calendar. I skipped my work department holiday luncheon because my 1st grader really wanted me to come to his class to make gingerbread houses.

It’s tough the first year at any school because you don’t know which events are a big deal and which are just “parents tolerated”. Make friends with parents who have a kid in your child’s grade as well as a child 1-2 years older. Especially if their kids are the same gender as yours - those families will be a wealth of information regarding camp sign ups, sports leagues, and all things at school.

And if your kid really wants people at school, think about your village. My parents or my husband’s parents have gone to my kids’ school things in our place. Several kids in my son’s class had a 4th or 5th grade sibling as their mystery reader. Growing up my mom was a teacher at a different school. The only time she came to a school day event in 13 years was my senior year awards assembly. My aunt, elderly neighbor, or a family friend from church came to see my daytime events several times.

OP is obviously international. I doubt she has a village.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re a piece of work. How much more notice do you need? Neon signs, smoke signals, or what? They sent an email, you didn’t open it. They sent a paper, you threw it away.

You failed as a parent here. It’s OK!! Now you know to open and read the emails and to read the papers that the teacher sent home.

OP said she went back and found the email and it just invited parents to the pageant. It did not say early pick up. My experience with church-based preschools is:
1. Most schools post big signs starting the week ahead of any schedule changes and have teachers remind parents at pick-up all week. Basically the equivalent of neon signs!
2. At church preschool where many families also attend the affiliated church, there is an assumption that all families have the same information. But they don’t. Church families see each other and the preschool teachers / director at Wed night dinner and on Sunday. Church moms often have a moms group separate from their bible study group which is also moms. There is a lot of interaction. There is an also a lot of tradition and regular rhythm to the liturgical calendar if you grew up in the same denomination and some things are just assumed.
3. Any preschool that normally has pick-up between 11am and 1pm assumes that a parents / grandparent / nanny is available mid-day. The assumptions about lead time and parent flexibility are very different than a school that caters to parents seeking 8am - 6pm childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re a piece of work. How much more notice do you need? Neon signs, smoke signals, or what? They sent an email, you didn’t open it. They sent a paper, you threw it away.

You failed as a parent here. It’s OK!! Now you know to open and read the emails and to read the papers that the teacher sent home.

OP said she went back and found the email and it just invited parents to the pageant. It did not say early pick up. My experience with church-based preschools is:
1. Most schools post big signs starting the week ahead of any schedule changes and have teachers remind parents at pick-up all week. Basically the equivalent of neon signs!
2. At church preschool where many families also attend the affiliated church, there is an assumption that all families have the same information. But they don’t. Church families see each other and the preschool teachers / director at Wed night dinner and on Sunday. Church moms often have a moms group separate from their bible study group which is also moms. There is a lot of interaction. There is an also a lot of tradition and regular rhythm to the liturgical calendar if you grew up in the same denomination and some things are just assumed.
3. Any preschool that normally has pick-up between 11am and 1pm assumes that a parents / grandparent / nanny is available mid-day. The assumptions about lead time and parent flexibility are very different than a school that caters to parents seeking 8am - 6pm childcare.

I’m not naive enough to believe that OP is the only parent who doesn’t go to that church to know to pick up early. To believe that the preschool/daycare did not send out notification. If that had been the case, you better believe there would’ve been other parents who didn’t pick up on time.

[Anonymous]

It’s fine. My parents were immigrants too and didn’t understand all the school holiday stuff. Your kid will end up fine. If you care a bunch about it just be more careful next time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And yeah, I agree with you that public schools don't do this. That's because public schools do absolutely nothing. Not an end of the year play, no cookies nothing. They basically treat kids like little cogs who don't get parties, field trips or class celebrations. Even Halloween was cut from my older kids' school because it's devil worship.

Yikes my kid's title one public school in a "bad" neighborhood does all of those things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Okay I figured it out. All of the emails (1 email) and papers (1 paper) didn't say you had to come early. It just said "Morning xmas program". I didn't know that meant parents must attend the program at 11:30 am and another mom who doesn't attend the church didn't know as well. We both showed up at the regular time.
When my older child was in preschool it was during covid. They had parties and some parents may have volunteered but we weren't required to be at the party. I think it would make sense for the school calendar to have the time of the xmas party and the email to have a different subject. Being invited to a party that happens during school is confusing because it was mandatory.

I don't see what the church has to do with it. I've been at several church affiliated preschools and they are separate. The school does it's own thing that has nothing to do with the church. Every year there was a Christmas program and then break started immediately after. But they would explicitly say "please make sure someone can attend with your child."

OP here. It must have something to do with it because another mom who doesn't attend the church also got it mixed up. His last day also isn't today but the program/ show was today. These programs may be more likely to happen at a church preschool. It's hard to say because his older brother was in preschool during COVID-19. I was never allowed to enter the school. Other international families in another preschool class (I think Hindu) didn't pick up at the regular time either. I think for the people who don't celebrate Christmas or Christian holidays these events are easier to miss.

It might have more to do with the fact that neither of you paid any attention to the communication from the school. I doubt the church was making a secret message about it to the congregation so you two wouldn't hear it. Your kids are in preschool and school now. You need to pay attention or you're going to miss out on a lot of things later. Read the fine print.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you titled your post "Feel bad late to early pick up at preschool because of xmas show," but you do not actually feel bad about it, it seems. Unless you count feeling angry at the school and defensive when others don't agree with you.

NP- I actually think she does feel badly. The post reads to me like someone who feels mom guilt and is trying to deal with it (somewhat problematically) by finding all the ways others contributed to her failure. Honestly some of you need some empathy.

I’m sorry, OP. It sucks and I would just snuggle my kid, say I’m sorry I missed this one and make some hot cocoa with marshmallows for them. Not everything will be perfect all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you titled your post "Feel bad late to early pick up at preschool because of xmas show," but you do not actually feel bad about it, it seems. Unless you count feeling angry at the school and defensive when others don't agree with you.

NP- I actually think she does feel badly. The post reads to me like someone who feels mom guilt and is trying to deal with it (somewhat problematically) by finding all the ways others contributed to her failure. Honestly some of you need some empathy.

I’m sorry, OP. It sucks and I would just snuggle my kid, say I’m sorry I missed this one and make some hot cocoa with marshmallows for them. Not everything will be perfect all the time.

There would be more empathy if OP was asking for advice on how to stay on top of this stuff because it only gets worse. But excuse making and blaming others isn't going to make it better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s fine. My parents were immigrants too and didn’t understand all the school holiday stuff. Your kid will end up fine. If you are a bunch about it just be more careful next time

+ 1

So many mean-spirited ladies here. $10 bucks no dad is second-guessing this or even looking at this post.