Are you close with your cousins?

[Anonymous]

We definitely spent a decent amount of time with our cousins growing up. Though looking back, they were about 90 minutes away from us and we mostly only saw them on major holidays and 1-2 weeks during the summer. So really, maybe 4 times a year?

Now as adults we don't spend any time together, which feels a little sad. My DH sees his cousins more, because they are local.

I hope my kids stay close with their cousins. They are all pretty different, but I think have a shared bond that I'm hopeful will last. I plan to continue to see my brother and sister, so am hoping that extends to their kids too!

[Anonymous]

No, largely because my paternal cousins were all married, or nearly so, by the time we were born. I've become somewhat close to one of them but she is not on social media and doesn't text/email. On the maternal side, nearly all my cousins lived on farms near each other, so they went to school together, helped out on each other's farms during harvest time, etc. Many of us are now friends on Facebook and I have found that helps a lot.

[Anonymous]

When I was young yes because our parents always got together. Now I see one cousin once a year as he was my favorite cousin growing up. The others are scattered all over the country.

[Anonymous]

Yes - on my dad’s side the cousins are all close with many like siblings. My kids are texting with their third cousins as I type.
On my mom’s side, some of us are closer than others but mostly due to distance. The older guys who live far do not keep in touch.

[Anonymous]

Yes- I am close to my cousins. There are 14 and most are within 11/12 years. We all still get together 4/5 x year. DC are probably closer to their second cousins as most of their first cousins are 10+ years older.

DH only sees 1 of 9 cousins.

[Anonymous]

We saw cousins often, but the family dynamic on both sides was to pit us against eachother while pushing us together. There were the Golden Cousins who got away with anything and the rest of us were told we were garbage. The older generation all seemed to hate eachother and I wondered why they got together.

I think it's great to let things happen organically and to create opportunities, but never gossip about cousins to your kids or make comparisons to make your kids feel bad and never force a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Growing up, we saw our cousins yearly at least during the holidays. I thought we were close but what I've realized over the years is that there isn't really a relationship unless we happen to be in the same place at the same time because of our mothers. If you aren't living near them, they turn into strangers. Our mothers do all the planning to get together, not the cousins. At least that's how it is in my family.

[Anonymous]

I have over a dozen cousins. Am very close with a few of them (text almost every day even though they all live out of state), but some of them I haven’t talked to in years. Seems to depend on how much we have in common as adults.

[Anonymous]

It was the best part of my youth. As we grew up it was harder but I remain in contact with a few and my kids know them and their families. My kids are very close with their cousins on both my side and DH’s side despite big age gaps. Family is very important to me and making efforts to build these relationships was a priority.

[Anonymous]

We saw our cousins every 4 years or so growing up and as adults haven’t stayed in contact. Everyone is far apart and not much in common.

My kids live almost an hour from their cousins and see them maybe once a month or so. Ised to be much more frequent but now we have busier lives and I’ve noticed the cousins don’t have too much in common. They blend well and are close. Hope they will stay in contact as adults.

[Anonymous]

It depends on how much time we spent at each others' houses when we were children.

I have about 60 first cousins ( mum has 10 siblings, and dad has 7 siblings.). I have a sibling- like relationship with 5 of them, and I am very close to about 20 others. I am not that close to the rest

I have a sibling- like relationship with a couple of my second cousins.

[Anonymous]

Extremely close. They are like my sisters. I don't know if it makes a difference, but we are black Americans.

[Anonymous]

No, even though 3 of us were born in the same year.

[Anonymous]

Here’s a great article on cousins: https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2023/12/cousin-relationships-fertility-rate/676892/?utm_campaign=atlantic-daily-newsletter&utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_content=20231219&utm_term=The+Atlantic+Daily


My cousins growing up were my exposure to generational wealth (one set) and traditional UMC lifestyle (the other set). I grew up in a struggling household. It was helpful to work through envy as a kid. As an adult, I’m comfortable around people who are dramatically wealthier than me. I am able to treat them as peers and not feel bad or threatened. It also taught me what was achievable in life. In many ways, I credit that exposure to some of my success today.

[Anonymous]

On the aggregate, I have 78 first cousins; I am not counting first cousins once removed, which would add another 25 or so. I have never lived close to any of them.

On my dad’s side, I am in the middle of the age hierarchy. I am close about 5 of them. On my mom’s side, I am the oldest with a 15 year gap between me and my oldest cousin. I am not close with them.

For all, I do see in person many annually and nearly all at least once every three years.