Are you close with your cousins?

[Anonymous]

I guess if you have few cousins, who are closer in age, live nearby and your parents get along theirs then there is a different relationship compared to ones who have lots of cousins or if they didn't grow up together. A cousin bond is about how many memories you've in common and how much interaction you are forced into.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely - born, raised and literally went to school with them, within a five minute walk to each other's houses. Also, their children our actually our children's ages, one within a week, and the biggest gap is three years. <3

DH doesn't even know his cousins, and there is a 30 (!!!) year difference with most of them. Completely different experience, sadly.

My DH grew up on the same street as his cousins. Their families vacationed together and hung out every evening and weekend. When I married in, meeting his cousins’ expectations meant more than his parents in many ways.
Then his mom and his aunt died. Everything fell apart. Now we are all within 60 miles of each other and only send Christmas cards. At first he was upset and tried to fix things but it was too late. It was clear that the “sisters” kept the clan close and, without them, the group didn’t want to stay together.

Meanwhile I saw my few cousins once every 3 years or so and we try to reach out and keep in touch when we can. Which usually just boils down to Christmas cards. But Christmas with no hard feelings. It’s a better deal.

PP here. Sorry to hear, that seems sad for your DH. We are even closer since the parents' passing, not sure why. We are definitely spread all over the globe, but still talk and see each other as much as possible. As a child, I thought everyone grew up within walking distance of many of their cousins, since we had so many.

I trust that time will heal whatever happened with your DH.

[Anonymous]

I think what matters is if you have anything in common with yours cousins, in addition to having grown up together. DH has nothing in common with most of his cousins.

[Anonymous]

Grew up close with one side but our parents (the siblings) had a falling out. And after our grandparents died, I haven’t traveled to their city again. I know that it was my choice to travel to their small city 2x a year for decades ($$$ plane ticket or 20 hour drive), but it stings just a bit that it’s never been reciprocated. I had a dream the other night we were all back at my grandparents celebrating Christmas. I have about 15 first cousins.

[Anonymous]

We were as kids. Same age, within a 5 minute walk to each other.

As adults? We live across the country from each other (WA state, California, New York, dc, Florida) and I haven’t ever met any of their kids. We see each other at family weddings and that’s it.

My own child has no cousins, and I’m sad for him since mine were such playmates as a child but it is what it is.

[Anonymous]

No, because they live half a world away, and we are not fluent in each other's languages.

I am also in my 60s. Back when I was a child and teenager, I only went to that country twice, and they never came here. Making phone calls was extremely expensive, and you basically had three minutes to talk. We exchanged a few letters, but it wasn't a real bonding experience.

[Anonymous]

No. But most of them are older than me and we never lived in the same city so only saw each other a handful of times at big family events. I am friends with most of them on facebook so I kind of keep up with their lives.

[Anonymous]

I used to be close to one set of cousins, the children of my dad's older sister. We celebrated Thanksgiving together each year (lived about an hour apart) and were there for graduations, etc. My aunt died early, and while we kept up for a few years, one of the cousins ultimately decided to cut us off due to my sibling's addiction. It really broke my heart at the time.

DH has a few cousins with whom he's close, and we make an effort to see them whenever we visit where they live. They're terrific.

[Anonymous]

I'm close to several of mine (I have over 30 1st cousins and I don't actually know how many 2nd+ but it's a lot). There's an annual reunion and now that we're adults the core group of us keep in touch and even get together when we can despite living a few states apart. Some of my other cousins I'm not close with despite playing with them a lot as kids because we just ended up as very different people in life. We're friendly when we see each other, but don't really keep in touch outside of big family gatherings.

My child is an only (rare in my family as you could probably guess) and she only has 3 1st cousins. She's very close with my sibling's kids and I imagine they'll be lifelong friends. Her cousin on DH's side has always been raised to view my dd as competition and despite dd always trying to be friends with her is always pretty salty that she has to share the grandparents/attention when we're in town. I would be surprised if they are friends in adulthood, but we'll see.

[Anonymous]

Only if cousins live in the vicinity. Otherwise, it is hard to be close to siblings also.

[Anonymous]

Yes, for me. My cousins were a part of my childhood, and we get together when we can. We have gone on vacations together, but mostly it is the constant holiday party/graduation/wedding/funeral cycle these days. Some we don't see for years, but when we do it's like old times right away.

No, for DH. He can count on one hand the number of times he even saw them. We made an effort after we married, but they live far away.

Our kids know their cousins on my side very well, but have only seen the cousins on DH's side a handful of times. We have made efforts, but it isn't really reciprocated, and the effort never comes from them, so it is not really a sustainable relationship. We keep trying though.

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of cousin relationships reflect the closeness of their parents.

My parents moved across the world away from their siblings and did not prioritize visiting so I didn't really get to know my cousins. I have only met them a handful of times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of cousin relationships reflect the closeness of their parents.

My parents moved across the world away from their siblings and did not prioritize visiting so I didn't really get to know my cousins. I have only met them a handful of times.

Maybe, but it still might be that you have absolutely nothing in common with your cousins, even if the parents are close. It is different if you grew up together, and are close in age.

[Anonymous]

Yes, a few live nearby and I see them regularly. One lives in the same neighborhood as my sister and their kids go to the same school so I hear the most about them. Those who live farther away I am in touch with and this year took a trip to visit one of them. We try to make an effort but it kind of ebbs and flows depending on life.

My son is an only child and I sincerely hope he stays close with his cousins. We see them a lot and spend all holidays together. I think they will be more than just childhood playmates.

My husband doesn't even know his cousins. I agree a lot has to do with how your parents handle it. His made no effort to make them part of his life growing up.

[Anonymous]

No, sadly.

Their father had a falling out with my father years ago. My father also was mean to one of them at least once.

It’s sad, but I’ve learned those rifts are inheritable. You can’t force people to want to stay in touch with you when there’s bad blood even if you weren’t responsible for any of it.