Studies show that after 45/50 is the height of happiness…. Tell me about it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nadir of happiness

+1000

[Anonymous]

I think this sample set is skewed, because people hang out on this site more when they're unhappy. When we're happy, we're busy living our lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this sample set is skewed, because people hang out on this site more when they're unhappy. When we're happy, we're busy living our lives.

Good point, although I’m on this site and I’m happy.

[Anonymous]

49 high school junior twins and an 8th grader.

I'm living with a lot of fear and anxiety over how quickly time is passing. We're doing college tours and I know that we only have about 18 months left with all 3 kids at home--this makes me incredibly sad. I really enjoy parenting teenagers but this phase goes so quickly. I also have two living parents and enjoy them more than ever before. We didn't always get along but now they are in this sort of the golden years of old-age: they're cute and independent and wise.

So I guess I should be super happy. But I think I have anticipatory anxiety/depression about what is to come (loss of kids to college and parents to death). Geez. I probably need medication.

[Anonymous]

What studies OP? As PPs say, there are like a thousand cross-cultural studies saying the opposite - 45-50 is the low point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Subject line says it all… are you happier later in life than when you were when you were 35?

Yes. Because you care about less. Especially important is how you compare yourself to others less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:49 high school junior twins and an 8th grader.

I'm living with a lot of fear and anxiety over how quickly time is passing. We're doing college tours and I know that we only have about 18 months left with all 3 kids at home--this makes me incredibly sad. I really enjoy parenting teenagers but this phase goes so quickly. I also have two living parents and enjoy them more than ever before. We didn't always get along but now they are in this sort of the golden years of old-age: they're cute and independent and wise.

So I guess I should be super happy. But I think I have anticipatory anxiety/depression about what is to come (loss of kids to college and parents to death). Geez. I probably need medication.

49 with a high school freshman and a 6th grader and I still feel like this. I am seeing a therapist because I don't want to waste the time I have left with anxiety. This is to say, I'm with you.

[Anonymous]

I'm 53, and will be super happy once the youngest goes off to college in 2.5 years, and we can retire and start traveling again like we used to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would also love to hear more about the "upswing". I'm 43 and the last couple years have been tough. Definitely some hormone shifts that are impacting things, but also life itself is harder. Kids still on the young side (youngest is 6), work is just boring and there are far fewer rewards at this point -- I don't want an executive position so it's kind of like "this is it?"

But recently DH and I sat down and formulated a financial plan with more specificity that will take us into a different place in our early 50s, and it made me feel like there's light at the end of the tunnel. Basically just aggressively paying down mortgage debt and being smarter about how we invest non-retirement savings (especially with higher rates now offering different vehicles) so that we can be totally debt free by 50 for him, 49 for me. Once we figured that out, it feels like a lot of doors will open. We still have to deal with college but we're doing okay on those savings already.

Basically for the first time, I started to get a peek at what retirement/semi-retirement could start to look like for us and it gave me hope. But the day to day is still a relentless grind right now. I look forward to turning that corner.

It’s worth it. DH just retired 2 weeks ago, and I retired just before after years of saving and living below our means. We are mid-50s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 57 F and life feels about as good as it gets. Kids happy and successfully launched and we have close relationships with all of them - - college and grad school paid for - house the way we like it - lots of disposable income because we are both still working (but both of our jobs are pretty low stress now - as consultants we work about 20 hours a week these days and it's perfect - our parents are all deceased, so while sad, that's a huge source of stress gone, and also a source of $$$ thanks to small inheritance that made us even more financially secure - we travel monthly, work out together or walk our dogs daily, have enough saved for retirement if one of us dropped dead tomorrow - and we enjoy hosting friends at home often. Writing all of this down makes me realize we are coasting after a long climb - it's pretty awesome! And, fwiw, 57 is way better than 50 and way, WAY better than 40. 40's imo were the hardest and least fun.

This gives me hope!

[Anonymous]

I am the least happy I have ever been: more issues with older members of family, including two dying these past three weeks, teens and all the emotions/huge stress that comes with it, very stressed by work, family obligations, my fitness and health comes last.

[Anonymous]

Early 50s. Some things are harder. My body breaks more easily than it used to (work on mobility and strength training now, ye youngers!). Stuff with aging parents is hard and depressing and time-consuming, and it brings up a lot of emotional issues. I’m sad that time is passing as quickly as it is. I worry about money more as retirement looms.

But on the whole, I think I am happier than I was. Or at least more at ease in my own life and my own skin.

Good things: I have a stronger intuition than I used to have, which allows me to trust my gut and takes me out of the cycle of endless overthinking. I’m better at knowing how I feel, and why, which allows me to deal with issues head-on, and with clarity, instead of spinning about things that don’t actually get to the heart of the matter. I’m definitely better at appreciating simple pleasures. And there’s a whole host of things about which I no longer give a f*ck. That is so freeing.

Also, I feel like as the kids have gotten older I’ve been better able to bring my full self into our relationship. When they were little it felt like the things they needed were so generic. I was supposed to be the same kind of parent as people with whom I had zero in common. Now I can be my own kind of parent in a way that I couldn’t when life was a haze of snacks and carpools and laundry and schedules.

I guess I feel like a more complete version of myself than I used to. I like that. But it’s all a fragile balance. Right now the good outweighs the bad, but I also recognize that some of this is arbitrary and temporary, and that at any point, the balance could shift.

[Anonymous]

I’m 51 and enjoying life way more than I did at 41. My kids are teens and tweens and are both hilarious and pretty self-sufficient, which lowers the stress level at home and makes for a much happier marriage and family. We have more income and freedom and are starting to think about what retirement will look like in 10-15 years. I’m a little sad that the intensive child-rearing days passed so quickly but also looking forward to the next stage.

[Anonymous]

I'm 55 going through perimenopause still which sucks. I started hormones which helps.
Went part time at work which is AMAZING!
My kids are great all over 18 and launching- in college and doing ok.
We are ok financially I'm trying to appreciate this magic moment where my kids don;t get have to be full adults but while we have some nice new freedom. One of my parents died suddenly at 60 and I'm acutely aware that time is not promised to us.

[Anonymous]

At 35 was unmarried, in a bad job, dating weirdos...

At 46 I'm married with kids, started my own company. Very lucrative, flexible job and great home life. But I'm still the same level of happiness. I wonder if people just have a natural set point of contentment and joy and that's pretty much it.