Studies show that after 45/50 is the height of happiness…. Tell me about it

[Anonymous]

No, but only because I've had health issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 51 and suffering through this absolute misery of perimenopause. It’s affecting every aspect of my life.

I can see how my life will be exponentially more enjoyable once my menstruating years are behind me. So, I’m not there yet, but I am hopeful given the other aspects of my life.

+1000

I'm 53 and had no idea it could be this miserable. The lack of sleep alone has been debilitating, and the hot flashes are horrible.

[Anonymous]

I would also love to hear more about the "upswing". I'm 43 and the last couple years have been tough. Definitely some hormone shifts that are impacting things, but also life itself is harder. Kids still on the young side (youngest is 6), work is just boring and there are far fewer rewards at this point -- I don't want an executive position so it's kind of like "this is it?"

But recently DH and I sat down and formulated a financial plan with more specificity that will take us into a different place in our early 50s, and it made me feel like there's light at the end of the tunnel. Basically just aggressively paying down mortgage debt and being smarter about how we invest non-retirement savings (especially with higher rates now offering different vehicles) so that we can be totally debt free by 50 for him, 49 for me. Once we figured that out, it feels like a lot of doors will open. We still have to deal with college but we're doing okay on those savings already.

Basically for the first time, I started to get a peek at what retirement/semi-retirement could start to look like for us and it gave me hope. But the day to day is still a relentless grind right now. I look forward to turning that corner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Subject line says it all… are you happier later in life than when you were when you were 35?

I can only share my anecdotal experience.

I have struggled with refractory clinical depression since my teens and am early 50s now.

I would say that I spent most of my 20s and 30s really struggling with contentment because I was grappling with making meaning in my life and trying to sort family dynamics and relationships and building career etc. In this early adulthood I struggled a lot with the uncertainty of everything and the future, so much that I see looking back I allowed fear to be a self saboteur on many occasions. I recognize in retrospect this was really just very badly managed anxiety disorder.

I had a career peak and financial success in my early 40s and then fell into poor health which I’ve struggled with for several years now, with this last year being an upswing as I’m steadily recovering my health.

At present my life is fairly precarious - I’m working to build a new career for the next chapter and I’m working on my health. I have a quiet life and a much smaller social circle than most periods in the past, though I feel like I have a circle of old friends and family on Facebook who I touch base with nearly daily and that’s good.

I’m probably more content than I’ve ever been and that’s because I’m expecting nothing more than to hopefully have a good day today, and maybe also tomorrow.

I have a sweet and fairly young dog that I would like to care for the duration of her hopefully long life, but I bear in mind all the friends, colleagues, acquaintances, family members and cultural icons I’ve seen die in midlife - I know at this point it’s truly all borrowed time so I’ve got my affairs in order just in case including instructions for the care and feeding of the dog.

The most important thing I’ve achieved in my life to bring me to this level of peace of mind is just growing compassion and forgiveness for myself, for my many shortcomings and missteps in life - and also for everyone who has ever hurt me, because no doubt they were on their own journey of brokenness.

Compassion and forgiveness is the key to an elder experience that is relatively positive. There are still plenty of unhappy older people and it is usually the anger and regret they can’t let go of that keeps them unhappy all their whole lives.

[Anonymous]

I hope mine comes soon. I’m 53 , taking care of one parent with Alzheimer’s and another with chronic health conditions (strokes heart attack etc). New job working 45-55 hrs week with travel and have two middle achoolers, one of whom is in the spectrum and having lots of mental health issues. I am exhausted all the time and have put aside y own issues (chronic health issue, exercise, friends). My life is work caring for others and no retirement until kids finish college at which point I’ll probably be dead. Life would be fine if I could retire or work p/y though.

[Anonymous]

Oh eff that. Perimenopause, challenging tween/teen kids, stale marriage, boring yet stressful job, parents with declining health. Zero time to do anything enjoyable.

[Anonymous]

My childhood was awful, young adulthood was a slight improvement but still awful. Had kids in my late 30s, am now in my upper 40s—am the happiest I’ve ever been. It’s not perfect for sure—career has been on the back burner, and there are some large problems to deal with.

Why upper 40s has been good: One great move was removing myself from all the relationships that have been draining or unrewarding, like dealing with people who only want to talk about themselves, and untrustworthy people. Also, like a PP, I don’t care what others think anymore, and this has been freeing. Also, it was not until my 40s that I know who I am and what I want. I like passing on all my knowledge to my kids and enjoy their unjaded innocence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But, you're at rock bottom at 47. It's called the U-Curve of Happiness. Google it.

This. I've just started to get happier at 56. 44-50 was the absolute worst.

[Anonymous]

Happiness is not a good measure of anything. My cats are happy. Your best years are when you have decisions to make and a life ahead of you. 20s and 30s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh eff that. Perimenopause, challenging tween/teen kids, stale marriage, boring yet stressful job, parents with declining health. Zero time to do anything enjoyable.

This. Teens applying to college. Parents in declining health but with no end in sight. Stale marriage, menopause, friends who are all busy dealing with the same so no one can ever find time to get together. Slightly more income but it’s now all going to college.

[Anonymous]

50 was my worst year yet. Hope 51 is better!!

[Anonymous]

I think maybe this-use-to-be, for most, when children were launched. We could breathe and know we did a good job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think maybe this-use-to-be, for most, when children were launched. We could breathe and know we did a good job.

I think this right. I wonder how having kids later and Boomers living longer has affect this.

[Anonymous]

My happiest years were my 40s when my kids were toddler-elementary school. Very busy, stressful, but full of joy and fun. Now they are in college and I have to deal with elderly parent issues…not joyful and not fun.

[Anonymous]

Late 40s brought a divorce and a lot of stress of all kinds. Now 60 and life is fantastic - remarried to a wonderful partner, retired and moving to a lower COL area, trying tons of new hobbies, free to travel, kids are independent. There are always a few bumps in the road but health is great right now so it truly feels like the best time in life.