Studies show that after 45/50 is the height of happiness…. Tell me about it

[Anonymous]

48 and dealing w unexpected financial issues, medical issues, separated from spouse, tired, not sleeping well, etc. Going to therapy and hoping things get better but it’s too much all at once

[Anonymous]

Early 40s and peak happiness. My kids are all in school, my finances are set, my career is at a good place / on autopilot, I have time for my hobbies, and my health is good. I hope I can keep it all together for a few more decades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:49 high school junior twins and an 8th grader.

I'm living with a lot of fear and anxiety over how quickly time is passing. We're doing college tours and I know that we only have about 18 months left with all 3 kids at home--this makes me incredibly sad. I really enjoy parenting teenagers but this phase goes so quickly. I also have two living parents and enjoy them more than ever before. We didn't always get along but now they are in this sort of the golden years of old-age: they're cute and independent and wise.

So I guess I should be super happy. But I think I have anticipatory anxiety/depression about what is to come (loss of kids to college and parents to death). Geez. I probably need medication.

This is what is getting me really down these days (almost 56). Having a hard time doing the compartmentalizing that previously kept anxiety at bay . . . . the knowledge that it is just a matter of time before bad stuff (death of parents; health issues) starts happening (soon!) and nothing can be done about it - just suffer through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:49 high school junior twins and an 8th grader.

I'm living with a lot of fear and anxiety over how quickly time is passing. We're doing college tours and I know that we only have about 18 months left with all 3 kids at home--this makes me incredibly sad. I really enjoy parenting teenagers but this phase goes so quickly. I also have two living parents and enjoy them more than ever before. We didn't always get along but now they are in this sort of the golden years of old-age: they're cute and independent and wise.

So I guess I should be super happy. But I think I have anticipatory anxiety/depression about what is to come (loss of kids to college and parents to death). Geez. I probably need medication.

This is what is getting me really down these days (almost 56). Having a hard time doing the compartmentalizing that previously kept anxiety at bay . . . . the knowledge that it is just a matter of time before bad stuff (death of parents; health issues) starts happening (soon!) and nothing can be done about it - just suffer through.

53 and agree

[Anonymous]

God I hope not. Pretty miserable for the last three years!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm at my lowest late 40s.

Same. About to turn 46 and I feel like this funk hit at 45.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Subject line says it all… are you happier later in life than when you were when you were 35?

Yes! I had my first and only kid at 34 and I was miserable with a toddler and cr*ppy marriage and a volatile immigration status.

I am now 47, almost a U.S. citizen, divorced, poorer but also more stable financially. My kid at 13 is a joy (knock on wood).

Yes I was thinner and younger and healthier then but emotionally it doesn’t even compare.

I also got rid of another abuser in my life besides my ex, and feel happy and free!

[Anonymous]

I'm a guy and 50/51 was the bottom for me. I lot depends on circumstances and the "U-shape of happiness" theory is based on general trends: Somewhere between 40 and 55 a lot of people face teen challenges, empty nest, initial physical limitations, divorce, career stagnation, shrinking circle of friends, aging/dying parents, financial disasters, first emergence of major health problems and a general sense of running out of time.

These types of events hit at different times for different people but that's the general idea.

On the other side of the cliff, your kids start to live their own lives, you get used to your more limited body, work winds down and you have as much money as you have, your parents are dead and, most importantly, you just don't care about a lot of things that used to be a big deal (basically, everything).

We know people who skate through life with great health and wealth and every year is better than the one before. They think the rest of us make bad decisions.

[Anonymous]

I’m 50 and my youngest is heading to college in the fall. I do have parents with health challenges and my kids still need some support but I am happy. We have disposable income and are looking forward to being empty nesters. Definitely more stress when the kids were younger and more uncertainty about my life.

[Anonymous]

I am in absolute hell at 51. I hope it gets better again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My happiest years were my 40s when my kids were toddler-elementary school. Very busy, stressful, but full of joy and fun. Now they are in college and I have to deal with elderly parent issues…not joyful and not fun.

I agree.
My happiest years were when my kids were in elementary- very social, fun, low stress years with travel, and lots of time for adventures. I was in my early 40s then.

[Anonymous]

Ha! Studies have not met me

[Anonymous]

I'm 53 and definitely not at the height of happiness. For me it is health issues. I never had any when younger, and now I have quite a few and it's been tough. You can have everything in the world, and it won't mean a darn thing if you don't have your health. That doesn't really resonate when you are 20 something, or 30 something, or even 40 something and healthy. But when it hits, it's hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My happiest years were my 40s when my kids were toddler-elementary school. Very busy, stressful, but full of joy and fun. Now they are in college and I have to deal with elderly parent issues…not joyful and not fun.

I agree.
My happiest years were when my kids were in elementary- very social, fun, low stress years with travel, and lots of time for adventures. I was in my early 40s then.

Plus a million. And I was able to cocoon my kids in love and safety. We were able travel a lot all over the world. And I felt like our life was still in front of us.

Now I'm feeling age. 4 sets of aging parents. Empty nest in sight and I know how much I'm going to hate that. I'm feeling quite despondent over it all, actually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My happiest years were my 40s when my kids were toddler-elementary school. Very busy, stressful, but full of joy and fun. Now they are in college and I have to deal with elderly parent issues…not joyful and not fun.

I agree.
My happiest years were when my kids were in elementary- very social, fun, low stress years with travel, and lots of time for adventures. I was in my early 40s then.

Plus a million. And I was able to cocoon my kids in love and safety. We were able travel a lot all over the world. And I felt like our life was still in front of us.

Now I'm feeling age. 4 sets of aging parents. Empty nest in sight and I know how much I'm going to hate that. I'm feeling quite despondent over it all, actually.

Hang in there and do the best you can. It's small comfort but the U-shape of happiness theory says that thing do start getting better at some point.

It's not like the facts change: parents don't get younger, your body doesn't snap back to your 20s and your kids don't return to elementary school.

However, most people start to feel better better and are happier at age 60+. Our brains/emotions are funny things.