Raising kids in a competitive UMC community? Would you do it all over again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is like that saying that people give better reviews to restaurants outside of where they live for the same quality shit

No idea what you are talking about.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in northern VT and went to a middling high school. Yes, it was less stressful and less competitive, but there was also a lot that we didn't have-- and the adults didn't even know other kids had. College was a rude awakening because I never developed good study skills or experience with challenging material. Making the state championship in VT in whatever sport or subject usually means you still totally suck by Massachusetts or New York standards.

Do NOT underestimate the drug problem in rural areas. There is no drug you can't get, and everyone's on pills or worse. My high school class has many ODs already and I'm not even 45. If you move to the country, you're giving up a lot of the things that might engage your child's interest, and exposing them instead to middling academics or worse, and a ready supply of drugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you people complaining of the hyper competitiveness just need to move a little further out/into less affluent areas right here in the DC metro. What do you expect if you live in Arlington, McLean, Bethesda, Falls Church, even Vienna? There's a lot of money in those places. If you go just a little further out/less affluent you will still get some competitiveness but it will be mixed with more middle class and down to earth people. You don't have to move out of the area entirely. And also did you not know what you were signing up for when you decided you wanted the nice house very close to a major city? Of course it's a bunch of rich people who value superficial things and look down on others.

+1 we live in the hyattsville/college park/mt ranier area. Still have resources and opportunities to be competitive but so many other families who are more laid back and don’t care about what others are doing.

[Anonymous]

We did that in the DMV before moving to a smaller, mid-size town. It was a lot better for our kids socially. Academically, the classes were only a week behind the DMV. Our oldest got into a great university.

You have to remember that universities love a good smart-small-town-kid-with-potential story. Smart kids are everywhere, from the smallest town with one stop light to the blinding lights of NOVA. Sometimes you stand out by being the kid from a small town with a funny name. I sure did, and my kids are, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in northern VT and went to a middling high school. Yes, it was less stressful and less competitive, but there was also a lot that we didn't have-- and the adults didn't even know other kids had. College was a rude awakening because I never developed good study skills or experience with challenging material. Making the state championship in VT in whatever sport or subject usually means you still totally suck by Massachusetts or New York standards.

Do NOT underestimate the drug problem in rural areas. There is no drug you can't get, and everyone's on pills or worse. My high school class has many ODs already and I'm not even 45. If you move to the country, you're giving up a lot of the things that might engage your child's interest, and exposing them instead to middling academics or worse, and a ready supply of drugs.

You don’t have to go rural to get a slower pace of life with a less competitive atmosphere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in northern VT and went to a middling high school. Yes, it was less stressful and less competitive, but there was also a lot that we didn't have-- and the adults didn't even know other kids had. College was a rude awakening because I never developed good study skills or experience with challenging material. Making the state championship in VT in whatever sport or subject usually means you still totally suck by Massachusetts or New York standards.

Do NOT underestimate the drug problem in rural areas. There is no drug you can't get, and everyone's on pills or worse. My high school class has many ODs already and I'm not even 45. If you move to the country, you're giving up a lot of the things that might engage your child's interest, and exposing them instead to middling academics or worse, and a ready supply of drugs.

My cousin a raising her family in a suburb of Burlington, VT (where her spouse is from) and it seems frankly idyllic apart from the winters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did that in the DMV before moving to a smaller, mid-size town. It was a lot better for our kids socially. Academically, the classes were only a week behind the DMV. Our oldest got into a great university.

You have to remember that universities love a good smart-small-town-kid-with-potential story. Smart kids are everywhere, from the smallest town with one stop light to the blinding lights of NOVA. Sometimes you stand out by being the kid from a small town with a funny name. I sure did, and my kids are, too.

Why a funny name

[Anonymous]

I am not in DC - most there would consider where I live a flyover hell hole. No place is perfect and people will have differing thoughts about every locale. BUT I’ve always been gobsmacked reading about children with crippling anxiety on DCUM. You have to think that comes from environment, whether a stressful home or school situation.

I never have to rush my children through our morning routine because either parent can get them where they need to be with plenty of time to spare. There’s no pressure to dress a
certain way or check boxes about prestige things like travel or speaking another language. No worries about “getting in”
anywhere, whether to private schools or activities or even restaurants. Fewer safety concerns. The only annoying gunners you encounter are the occasional over the top sports coach or parent. I can’t imagine some mom here telling me that her child is anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in northern VT and went to a middling high school. Yes, it was less stressful and less competitive, but there was also a lot that we didn't have-- and the adults didn't even know other kids had. College was a rude awakening because I never developed good study skills or experience with challenging material. Making the state championship in VT in whatever sport or subject usually means you still totally suck by Massachusetts or New York standards.

Do NOT underestimate the drug problem in rural areas. There is no drug you can't get, and everyone's on pills or worse. My high school class has many ODs already and I'm not even 45. If you move to the country, you're giving up a lot of the things that might engage your child's interest, and exposing them instead to middling academics or worse, and a ready supply of drugs.

My cousin a raising her family in a suburb of Burlington, VT (where her spouse is from) and it seems frankly idyllic apart from the winters.

Burlington, South Burlington, and Essex are great. Montpelier's good. Brattleboro's good. Norwich is good. But even in towns with well-performing schools, the drug problem is terrible. The small towns and most rural part of the state are a place I could never raise kids.

One time I saw a boys hockey game between Hanover and Stowe and good lord it was violent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in northern VT and went to a middling high school. Yes, it was less stressful and less competitive, but there was also a lot that we didn't have-- and the adults didn't even know other kids had. College was a rude awakening because I never developed good study skills or experience with challenging material. Making the state championship in VT in whatever sport or subject usually means you still totally suck by Massachusetts or New York standards.

Do NOT underestimate the drug problem in rural areas. There is no drug you can't get, and everyone's on pills or worse. My high school class has many ODs already and I'm not even 45. If you move to the country, you're giving up a lot of the things that might engage your child's interest, and exposing them instead to middling academics or worse, and a ready supply of drugs.

My cousin a raising her family in a suburb of Burlington, VT (where her spouse is from) and it seems frankly idyllic apart from the winters.

Burlington, South Burlington, and Essex are great. Montpelier's good. Brattleboro's good. Norwich is good. But even in towns with well-performing schools, the drug problem is terrible. The small towns and most rural part of the state are a place I could never raise kids.

One time I saw a boys hockey game between Hanover and Stowe and good lord it was violent.

That sounds like a Vermont thing, not a rural thing. I grew up in a small rural town and didn’t know anyone in school who even smoked pot. It wasn’t until I moved to dc that I heard it was even a thing in high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in northern VT and went to a middling high school. Yes, it was less stressful and less competitive, but there was also a lot that we didn't have-- and the adults didn't even know other kids had. College was a rude awakening because I never developed good study skills or experience with challenging material. Making the state championship in VT in whatever sport or subject usually means you still totally suck by Massachusetts or New York standards.

Do NOT underestimate the drug problem in rural areas. There is no drug you can't get, and everyone's on pills or worse. My high school class has many ODs already and I'm not even 45. If you move to the country, you're giving up a lot of the things that might engage your child's interest, and exposing them instead to middling academics or worse, and a ready supply of drugs.

You don’t have to go rural to get a slower pace of life with a less competitive atmosphere.

+1, people always act like if you leave DC, you must be moving to Hicksville, USA, but the people I know who have done it moved to Chicago, Spokane, Fort Collins (which is fairly rural, yes, but has other charms and is cheap AF), Portland (Oregon and Maine, both pricier than they used to be). Heck, I even have a former colleague who moved to Boston where she is from and even she said it was less intensely competitive and consumption-focused as compared to DC. I'm sure it's still worse than a lot of places but to me the fact that someone who lived in DC for 20 years would call Boston "more laid back" is a reality check on the culture here.

We are definitely plotting our escape.

[Anonymous]

The hilarious thing about this to me is that we're talking about DC here. Not NYC or LA or SF, but DC.

I moved to DC 20 years ago specifically because it was NOT those cities. It was cheaper, easier to get around, less intense. I was graduating law school and actually summered at a NYC firm and had multiple offers from CA firms (I'm from there) but DC felt more chill and I wanted a "smaller pond."

And DC is STILL a smaller pond than any of those places, but I think that's part of the problem. Instead of embracing that fact, people in this area resent it and have a big chip on their shoulder, and get even more competitive because they don't want anyone looking down on them because their from DC. Ugh. Whooooo Caaaaaaares. People from NY and LA look down on everyone, FYI.

Anyway, we are leaving and I'm relieved. Heading to an even smaller pond, but one that embraces that fact instead of being insecure about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did that in the DMV before moving to a smaller, mid-size town. It was a lot better for our kids socially. Academically, the classes were only a week behind the DMV. Our oldest got into a great university.

You have to remember that universities love a good smart-small-town-kid-with-potential story. Smart kids are everywhere, from the smallest town with one stop light to the blinding lights of NOVA. Sometimes you stand out by being the kid from a small town with a funny name. I sure did, and my kids are, too.

so you moved out of competitive area to outcompete competitive parents with your college strategy?

[Anonymous]

My kids were academically successful there but if given a do over, wouldn't pick such a large, competitive, stressful school. In bigger picture, it doesn't matter. Good kids do well, anywhere. Any smaller size and average level school with relaxed environment would do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was raised in a competitive, UMC suburb but lived in a house that just squeaked into the school district because of weird boundaries and grandfathering in of formerly unincorporated areas when fancy subdivisions were built. So I experienced it as an outsider socioeconomically and it wasn’t great.

Now I live in a city school district but in an exclusive neighborhood. The majority of kids in the neighborhood attend the zoned school or a nearby private school. My child attends the private school as a way to escape the bubble. It is so much more socioeconomically and racially diverse. It still isn’t perfect, but my DD does an extracurricular activity that pulls girls from all over the region of all backgrounds so she is getting a very different childhood than many of her classmates or neighbors.

We also have a home in a more rural area. We briefly considered the move, but unfortunately the area has one public k-12 with graduating classes of less than 10 kids. Most of those children do not go to college and the school pulls from a vast geographic area. It went far beyond simpler lifestyle and not so competitive to straight up hardship and economic and educational poverty.

I went to Dartmouth for med school, and a book came out a while ago about Norwich, VT (town adjacent to Hanover NH) called Norwich: One Tiny Vermont Town’s Secret to Excellence and Happiness. I was quite taken with it because I had lived in Norwich and loved the idea of raising children in an environment that creates excellence without cutthroat competition. Except that the reality described in the book didn’t quite match the real experience. Most of the families who were able to take a low-key approach to academics and extracurriculars there had so, so much existing privilege, wealth, or education. And ultimately they were still going along with the rat race, just in a really different setting and opportunities slightly out of the mainstream.

Zero racial diversity