Who do narcissistic parents leave their money to in their will?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A truly narcissistic parent will play mind games with inheritance, yes OP. Thinking about hurting you, even from beyond the grave, makes them happy.

Yep. Bonus points to those of us where the narcissistic parent is also a probate attorney.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am estranged from my mother and am totally fine knowing I will not be an heir. I assume she will give to her favorite charities. I’m just curious about others’ experiences. Did your narc parent viciously disinherit you by name and you heard this at the reading of the will, or were you simply omitted or were you surprised to inherit after all?

If they are bitter and spiteful, that parent would leave most of their money and/or desirable possessions to whomever most resembles their "good" image - see: splitting; or if they are especially spiteful and bitter, an outside entity.

Most people in life want to die and leave whatever they have left to the good part of themselves during their life. This is not splitting. This is simply having some self esteem and goals.

Are you referring to the golden child, or the person who makes the will?

If you are referring to the golden child, don't expect to have an untarnished legacy, especially by your own grandkids.

No. The person making the will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And to reiterate I also have two 401k funds of equal value one of which will go to the estranged child to spend in a frivolous manner or for survival. I think this is pretty generous and likely none of thr money will be available anyway because prices are expensive just to survive into old age.

Why do you think you should get someone's extra money they didn't spend if you disowned them as family members? It's bizarre. People can spend all of their inheritance. It's not yours and certainly not yours if you disown them.

Are you giving your inheritance to all the people that hate you or have wronged you?

What if you never disowned, hated or wronged them, and they still feel justified in not being fair to you (with money, or not with money)?

You just accept and move on with your life. Many people have to support and house their parents. Not getting inheritance is not the worst thing in the world even if it doesn't go to a good cause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am estranged from my mother and am totally fine knowing I will not be an heir. I assume she will give to her favorite charities. I’m just curious about others’ experiences. Did your narc parent viciously disinherit you by name and you heard this at the reading of the will, or were you simply omitted or were you surprised to inherit after all?

Usually the failure to launch Golden Child who can do no wrong. The one under total codependency with the narc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you spend a second thinking about this?

My narcissistic mother could leave her stuff to Elon Musk and I couldn't care less.

Probably not worth pursuing this line but if I were to guess it will be to my “perfect” golden child sister who is incapable of holding down a job, maintaining friendships, or staying in a marriage or romantic relationship… no kids, no ability to self regulate or capacity for self reflection. Very sad my parents have enabled and empowered her to where she is now. I would happily forfeit the ability to clean out my mom’s house full of belongings she’s hoarded and any inheritance for the happy, stable, drama free life that I live as a result of being semi-estranged.

This is what we saw with the narc grandmother and problem child uncle. He got her to happily sign over some family properties to him before she died too. Then he got 80% of the liquid payouts plus last property per the will. They basically wrote the will together and it included the grandfathers DB pension payouts.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes narcissists will even kill for inheritance. It's best people who don't get along don't share money.

[Anonymous]

Ha, I got this- have sadly had to deal with it.

A true narcissist can't WAIT long enough for death OR stand the thought of not being able to witness the inflicted pain of being pointedly left out of a will. They won't be there when the will is executed! So they will let you know in advance of their intentions so they can enjoy your pain if you let them.

We are in our 40s but my brother (never married/no kids/long time older girlfriend) already did this by randomly bringing it up and letting me know his adviser told him not to have any surprises-otherwise his will could be contested- so he needed to inform me I/my elementary aged kids would get nothing. (wth did THAT come from?) I was honestly in shock but also realized in the moment that he was trying to 'get' me so I underreacted.

I simply told him his money was his own at that point and though he was childless, if instead of providing for my sister/me/my kids, he felt a need to leave our parents money to other peoples children despite our parent's wishes/values in providing/keeping it in the family- that was strange to me but his business. I just expressed that I never knew how much these people meant to him (and he confirmed he'd never even met any of these kids). He advised he was leaving it to a few different random children of male friends he hasn't seen in 30 years who apparently had kids out of wedlock that they have never provided for- so he would provide for. And these were people my parents actively hated due to drug/alcohol use they pulled him into so I told him 'thank God mum isn't alive to hear that but ok!') My sister and I then just spoke later about it and shook our heads. But I hope I got him back. I know he was with his girlfriend on the call so I repeatedly exclaimed that he should leave it to her. At least she was a nice person and we know and love her. I just kept saying 'omg what does gf say about this- does she even know these people? yikes' until he got off the phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ha, I got this- have sadly had to deal with it.

A true narcissist can't WAIT long enough for death OR stand the thought of not being able to witness the inflicted pain of being pointedly left out of a will. They won't be there when the will is executed! So they will let you know in advance of their intentions so they can enjoy your pain if you let them.

100% truth

[Anonymous]

My narc mother is afraid of the ones she tried to destroy. I am one of her hated children and my husband scares her. He is a harmless teddy bear but works in the legal field. I have no contact with her. I do privately hope she is shown mercy when she dies. She is a tortured soul who has missed out on the greatest joys life has to offer.
Her behavior has nothing to do with me. I don’t need her money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine talks about her will and her lawyer a lot. I get the sense she makes an appointment to change things every time she happy or unhappy with me. But yeah, I think she’s leaving most of it to my kids and a good amount to her church. I haven’t done what she wanted- let her walk all over me and my husband and tell us how to run our lives- so I’m pretty sure I’m getting a couple dollars and a ten page lecture and how much she feels sorry for me for her jr ting her way.

Mine does too. My mom thinks going to a therapist means that you’re crazy and so she instead uses her lawyer as her captive audience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine talks about her will and her lawyer a lot. I get the sense she makes an appointment to change things every time she happy or unhappy with me. But yeah, I think she’s leaving most of it to my kids and a good amount to her church. I haven’t done what she wanted- let her walk all over me and my husband and tell us how to run our lives- so I’m pretty sure I’m getting a couple dollars and a ten page lecture and how much she feels sorry for me for her jr ting her way.

Mine does too. My mom thinks going to a therapist means that you’re crazy and so she instead uses her lawyer as her captive audience.

OMG I found my people. My mom also thinks therapy is for crazies. So she spends a fortune complaining to her accountant and her lawyer whenever she requests a meeting. I had a good laugh when she in her most pompous voice informed me that when she complained to her lawyer about what a terrible daughter I was for x, y, and z, the lawyer explained I was "setting boundaries" with her. She then told me what to do with those boundaries.

I shut down her weekly proclamations about how she is "thinking about changing her will" and her various threats, and barbs. I also told my mother she is free to do whatever she wants with her money, but I don't need updates. I expect her to leave it all to my GC sibling who she already gives a monthly stipend.

[Anonymous]

Man, everyone who pretends not to care about being left out of the will, but is complaining about it, obviously does care.

I don't get it. Just kiss some azz and stop being so proud of yourselves.

"Yes mom I was a rotten ungrateful child. But I sure could use the money. And think about it--everyone would finally realize what a genuinely saintly person you are to have left the black sheep a good sized inheritance. Not a bitter bone in your body. Everyone would realize that I was the problem in our relationship, not you, and there would be nothing I could ever say to convince them otherwise."

Damn you people must not like money or something. You would rather be butt hurt and right than eat some crow and cash in (hopefully, but what have got to lose?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine talks about her will and her lawyer a lot. I get the sense she makes an appointment to change things every time she happy or unhappy with me. But yeah, I think she’s leaving most of it to my kids and a good amount to her church. I haven’t done what she wanted- let her walk all over me and my husband and tell us how to run our lives- so I’m pretty sure I’m getting a couple dollars and a ten page lecture and how much she feels sorry for me for her jr ting her way.

Mine does too. My mom thinks going to a therapist means that you’re crazy and so she instead uses her lawyer as her captive audience.

PP here. She will never seek real therapy. I also can see my mom going in dnd on to her lawyer about how I will not do certain things her way. I was most recently asked to visit the lawyer with her to sign some paperwork she wouldn’t fully explain. I think she wanted to see if she could strongarm me to do something with the lawyer present.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine talks about her will and her lawyer a lot. I get the sense she makes an appointment to change things every time she happy or unhappy with me. But yeah, I think she’s leaving most of it to my kids and a good amount to her church. I haven’t done what she wanted- let her walk all over me and my husband and tell us how to run our lives- so I’m pretty sure I’m getting a couple dollars and a ten page lecture and how much she feels sorry for me for her jr ting her way.

Mine does too. My mom thinks going to a therapist means that you’re crazy and so she instead uses her lawyer as her captive audience.

PP here. She will never seek real therapy. I also can see my mom going in dnd on to her lawyer about how I will not do certain things her way. I was most recently asked to visit the lawyer with her to sign some paperwork she wouldn’t fully explain. I think she wanted to see if she could strongarm me to do something with the lawyer present.

Negative intent. Victim mentality. Figure out what you need to have in order to sign. It's an illness as well to constantly think someone is pulling your strings. If you had to sign something you are an adult. Act like one.

[Anonymous]

Wouldn't the truly narcissistic mother leave absolutely nothing behind, and spend everything on herself? Buying a house every chance she got so theirs really nothing to 'inherit.'