How to talk to kid about first kiss/early physical contact

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Alphas" are losers.

You are in the wrong town if you really believe that.

She did say "alphas" not real alphas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:middle school girls are horny, and envy and jealousy is rampant. they constantly offer themselves to the boys and go really nasty when boys choose other girls. having a child this age has been really eye opening.

Yes boys aren’t horny or jealous at all. Just the middle school girls - they are the only problem.

Do you hear yourself Boy Mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:middle school girls are horny, and envy and jealousy is rampant. they constantly offer themselves to the boys and go really nasty when boys choose other girls. having a child this age has been really eye opening.

Yes boys aren’t horny or jealous at all. Just the middle school girls - they are the only problem.

Do you hear yourself Boy Mom?

DP.

Do you hear YOUR self, PP ???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:middle school girls are horny, and envy and jealousy is rampant. they constantly offer themselves to the boys and go really nasty when boys choose other girls. having a child this age has been really eye opening.

Yes boys aren’t horny or jealous at all. Just the middle school girls - they are the only problem.

Do you hear yourself Boy Mom?

i am not a boy mom but a girl mom. my kid is constantly bullied by jealous girls in full make up and crop tops, filming their vulgar videos that boys apparently don't care enough for.

in most cases, their parents are wealthy and well educated. middle school girls are the worst.

[Anonymous]

It’s not a contest over which of multiple genders is worse or better. It also isn’t a faith- something you believe in. Some girls in my DS class got their period in 4th grade. Bodies don’t change in a vacuum. Hormones and social emotional growth come with that and some kids don’t experience this development until late teens. The point is a conversation is to be had with boys and girls and every other gender about what consent is, what bullying is, what remorse or a, what desire is, what respect is, and the responsibilities are that come with all of that. And f you think your kid is above all this, do yourself a favor and have the conversation anyway, because at best you are you are wrong and you helped your kid learn how to navigate the years to come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Alphas" are losers.

You are in the wrong town if you really believe that.

You're really going to tell your 12 year boy to be an alpha?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely agree that all genders need to be taught about consent however please do not forget that there is a talk to be had with girls too. They are still both dealing with hormones, and attraction as well as societal shame and expectations and remorse or embarrassment or teasing. And remember these kids are 12, a three paragraph boilerplate legal essay will not mean anything to them.
The best way to talk about consent is to talk and act out what is consent? Appropriately, not creepily obviously.
What does it means to say maybe but kiss enthusiastically anyway. What message is being sent and who is responsible?
If a girl does this, what should a boy do?
If you are a girl, is this ok, responsible, etc.
Can you say yes and then withdraw consent? Yes for future activity. No for past activity. This is at the root of many misunderstandings.
Are you kissing someone linked to another girl who will be mad.
I bring all this up because social media has changed everything for these kids. Girls get jealous and brand other girls as evil or man stealers. Girls are embarrassed that they kissed someone and think they can withdraw consent later and brand the guy as a predator, even when consent was achieved, especially if the girl said no, then came back and said yes. This is not only happening because a guy pressures a girl. Sometimes the girl honestly doesn’t know right away. These kids are young and curious.

My point is everyone needs to understand the subtle sides of consent. Not just the guys.

Maybe, but the key emphasis must still be: CONSENT. It has to be clear. It has to be concise. It has to happen every. Single. Time.

This is what matters most in teaching this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely agree that all genders need to be taught about consent however please do not forget that there is a talk to be had with girls too. They are still both dealing with hormones, and attraction as well as societal shame and expectations and remorse or embarrassment or teasing. And remember these kids are 12, a three paragraph boilerplate legal essay will not mean anything to them.
The best way to talk about consent is to talk and act out what is consent? Appropriately, not creepily obviously.
What does it means to say maybe but kiss enthusiastically anyway. What message is being sent and who is responsible?
If a girl does this, what should a boy do?
If you are a girl, is this ok, responsible, etc.
Can you say yes and then withdraw consent? Yes for future activity. No for past activity. This is at the root of many misunderstandings.
Are you kissing someone linked to another girl who will be mad.
I bring all this up because social media has changed everything for these kids. Girls get jealous and brand other girls as evil or man stealers. Girls are embarrassed that they kissed someone and think they can withdraw consent later and brand the guy as a predator, even when consent was achieved, especially if the girl said no, then came back and said yes. This is not only happening because a guy pressures a girl. Sometimes the girl honestly doesn’t know right away. These kids are young and curious.

My point is everyone needs to understand the subtle sides of consent. Not just the guys.

Maybe, but the key emphasis must still be: CONSENT. It has to be clear. It has to be concise. It has to happen every. Single. Time.

This is what matters most in teaching this.

OK - I get it.

But OP’s child is only 12, still a child, and a minor.

Would it be better for OP to reach out to the girl’s parents to discuss (and hopefully obtain) consent on her son’s behalf?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely agree that all genders need to be taught about consent however please do not forget that there is a talk to be had with girls too. They are still both dealing with hormones, and attraction as well as societal shame and expectations and remorse or embarrassment or teasing. And remember these kids are 12, a three paragraph boilerplate legal essay will not mean anything to them.
The best way to talk about consent is to talk and act out what is consent? Appropriately, not creepily obviously.
What does it means to say maybe but kiss enthusiastically anyway. What message is being sent and who is responsible?
If a girl does this, what should a boy do?
If you are a girl, is this ok, responsible, etc.
Can you say yes and then withdraw consent? Yes for future activity. No for past activity. This is at the root of many misunderstandings.
Are you kissing someone linked to another girl who will be mad.
I bring all this up because social media has changed everything for these kids. Girls get jealous and brand other girls as evil or man stealers. Girls are embarrassed that they kissed someone and think they can withdraw consent later and brand the guy as a predator, even when consent was achieved, especially if the girl said no, then came back and said yes. This is not only happening because a guy pressures a girl. Sometimes the girl honestly doesn’t know right away. These kids are young and curious.

My point is everyone needs to understand the subtle sides of consent. Not just the guys.

Maybe, but the key emphasis must still be: CONSENT. It has to be clear. It has to be concise. It has to happen every. Single. Time.

This is what matters most in teaching this.

Yes but define consent. Clearly. Consent is required, but once it is given you live with the consequences. Even if you change your mind later. I think that is the PP point. You can deny consent to a future act later but you can’t have remote or get embarrassed and then say you didn’t mean to consent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just be realistic folks. In middle school my best friend was 12 and had multiple sexual partners. Don't assume your child is going to wait to start with physical stuff. Talk to them openly early on.

How did your friend turn out?

DP- but one of my friends who was sexually active at 12 (in a hetero relationship) is now a gay woman and the other was a complete player in college but got married and is now divorced. So they turned out average

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:middle school girls are horny, and envy and jealousy is rampant. they constantly offer themselves to the boys and go really nasty when boys choose other girls. having a child this age has been really eye opening.

Yes boys aren’t horny or jealous at all. Just the middle school girls - they are the only problem.

Do you hear yourself Boy Mom?

Yes, the boys do no wrong. The girls initiate it all. That is what every mom of a teen boy says. Their son is so innocent and these trashy girls are the issue

[Anonymous]

As a mom of boys and girls, get off your defensive horse and help your kids.

[Anonymous]

Kissing is gross. Abstinence is best.

[Anonymous]

There are a lot of specially active middle schoolers. You should have talked earlier than this.