How to talk to kid about first kiss/early physical contact

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a dinosaur (i.e. I was in high school in the 80s) and I had a boy explicitly ask me if he could kiss me. As an adult, I even had a date say, "I am nervous about kissing you" before our first kiss. It's charming, not dumb, and it's not true that 'nobody' does it.

It's the move of a beta, not an alpha.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make sure you teach consent

Absolutely, this is essential. Clear consent, not "assumed consent" or "implied consent".

So does this mean he is supposed to ask her if he may kiss her? Get her explicit permission for a kiss?

Yes. Here are the basic guidelines:

Top things to know about consent:

-Consent is given with enthusiasm

-You can withdraw consent at any time

-The best way to know you have someone’s consent is to ask them

Even if you’ve heard of sexual consent, you might be unsure of how to give it or ask for it. Whether you’re down to kiss, touch, or to simply just sext, we’re here to help! For the purposes of this article, we’ll be using the terms sex and sexual activity to refer to the whole range of sexual intimacies that require consent, including (but not limited to) phone sex, kissing, dry humping, genital rubbing, oral sex, vaginal sex, and anal sex.

1. What is sexual consent?
The legal definition of sexual consent changes based on where you are located, but the principle is always the same. Sexual consent is an agreement between people to have sex or to engage in a sexual activity together. You have the right to choose what you do, with whom, and how—giving your full consent requires the communication of your expectations, boundaries, and desires to your sexual partner(s), as well as their understanding and acknowledgement of these preferences.

Sexual consent should be:

Enthusiastic: You want to have sex or engage in a sexual activity with a partner.
Mutual: Your partner also wants to have sex or engage in sexual activity with you.
Voluntary: You have decided to have sex or engage in a sexual activity without external pressure, expectation, or guilt. You understand what’s going on and are not incapacitated by alcohol or drugs.
Informed: You understand the terms and boundaries of having sex or engaging in a sexual activity. If at any time, the terms of the situation change (say, if your partner removes their condom during sex without telling you) then your original consent becomes invalid.
Ongoing: There is no such thing as blanket consent, even if you have had sex or have engaged in sexual activity with a partner, before. Saying yes to one sexual activity doesn’t mean you agree to do it again in the future, or that you consent to other sexual activities. Consent is needed each time for each specific activity.

Print this and have your kid read it before their first kiss, have partner read it and both of them sign.

Oh good god!

[Anonymous]

Just be realistic folks. In middle school my best friend was 12 and had multiple sexual partners. Don't assume your child is going to wait to start with physical stuff. Talk to them openly early on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just be realistic folks. In middle school my best friend was 12 and had multiple sexual partners. Don't assume your child is going to wait to start with physical stuff. Talk to them openly early on.

How did your friend turn out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make sure you teach consent

Absolutely, this is essential. Clear consent, not "assumed consent" or "implied consent".

So does this mean he is supposed to ask her if he may kiss her? Get her explicit permission for a kiss?

Ideally yes

This is dumb, no one actually does this. Obviously if the girl pulls away read the room and don't be an idiot but no one asks permission.

A lot of people do. This isn't the stone age

[Anonymous]

Kissing happens in middle school.

Make sure you've had ALL the talks. Including about pregnancy, disease, and consent. Seems like a good open line of communication if he even mentioned it to you! So keep that line of communication open. Let him know you're here to answer questions or just listen.

But there's not much else to do at this phase.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a dinosaur (i.e. I was in high school in the 80s) and I had a boy explicitly ask me if he could kiss me. As an adult, I even had a date say, "I am nervous about kissing you" before our first kiss. It's charming, not dumb, and it's not true that 'nobody' does it.

It's the move of a beta, not an alpha.

A beta is too chicken to vocalize this very basic question. An alpha is confident enough to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a dinosaur (i.e. I was in high school in the 80s) and I had a boy explicitly ask me if he could kiss me. As an adult, I even had a date say, "I am nervous about kissing you" before our first kiss. It's charming, not dumb, and it's not true that 'nobody' does it.

It's the move of a beta, not an alpha.

You are definitely a beta if you think this. An alpha would never be so idiotic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a dinosaur (i.e. I was in high school in the 80s) and I had a boy explicitly ask me if he could kiss me. As an adult, I even had a date say, "I am nervous about kissing you" before our first kiss. It's charming, not dumb, and it's not true that 'nobody' does it.

It's the move of a beta, not an alpha.

You are definitely a beta if you think this. An alpha would never be so idiotic.

+1. PP is a beta attracted to other betas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just be realistic folks. In middle school my best friend was 12 and had multiple sexual partners. Don't assume your child is going to wait to start with physical stuff. Talk to them openly early on.

How did your friend turn out?

She’s in her late 30s, married with one kid. She’s a parole officer in the south.

[Anonymous]

"Alphas" are losers.

[Anonymous]

I absolutely agree that all genders need to be taught about consent however please do not forget that there is a talk to be had with girls too. They are still both dealing with hormones, and attraction as well as societal shame and expectations and remorse or embarrassment or teasing. And remember these kids are 12, a three paragraph boilerplate legal essay will not mean anything to them.
The best way to talk about consent is to talk and act out what is consent? Appropriately, not creepily obviously.
What does it means to say maybe but kiss enthusiastically anyway. What message is being sent and who is responsible?
If a girl does this, what should a boy do?
If you are a girl, is this ok, responsible, etc.
Can you say yes and then withdraw consent? Yes for future activity. No for past activity. This is at the root of many misunderstandings.
Are you kissing someone linked to another girl who will be mad.
I bring all this up because social media has changed everything for these kids. Girls get jealous and brand other girls as evil or man stealers. Girls are embarrassed that they kissed someone and think they can withdraw consent later and brand the guy as a predator, even when consent was achieved, especially if the girl said no, then came back and said yes. This is not only happening because a guy pressures a girl. Sometimes the girl honestly doesn’t know right away. These kids are young and curious.

My point is everyone needs to understand the subtle sides of consent. Not just the guys.

[Anonymous]

middle school girls are horny, and envy and jealousy is rampant. they constantly offer themselves to the boys and go really nasty when boys choose other girls. having a child this age has been really eye opening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Alphas" are losers.

You are in the wrong town if you really believe that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely agree that all genders need to be taught about consent however please do not forget that there is a talk to be had with girls too. They are still both dealing with hormones, and attraction as well as societal shame and expectations and remorse or embarrassment or teasing. And remember these kids are 12, a three paragraph boilerplate legal essay will not mean anything to them.
The best way to talk about consent is to talk and act out what is consent? Appropriately, not creepily obviously.
What does it means to say maybe but kiss enthusiastically anyway. What message is being sent and who is responsible?
If a girl does this, what should a boy do?
If you are a girl, is this ok, responsible, etc.
Can you say yes and then withdraw consent? Yes for future activity. No for past activity. This is at the root of many misunderstandings.
Are you kissing someone linked to another girl who will be mad.
I bring all this up because social media has changed everything for these kids. Girls get jealous and brand other girls as evil or man stealers. Girls are embarrassed that they kissed someone and think they can withdraw consent later and brand the guy as a predator, even when consent was achieved, especially if the girl said no, then came back and said yes. This is not only happening because a guy pressures a girl. Sometimes the girl honestly doesn’t know right away. These kids are young and curious.

My point is everyone needs to understand the subtle sides of consent. Not just the guys.

I do not believe women are like that in middle school.