People who "go for the jugular"

[Anonymous]

OP, there is a person like this in my HOA. He's an absolute menace. Writes 10 page emails full of insults to various residents, he has had an absolute vendetta against any all board members (then once they are no longer on the board, he tries to befriend them). He harrasses management and our last manager quit because of him - after a cease and desist was served by our attorney.

He is mentally ill and makes living here rather exhausting. I'd move except I have a very attractive interest rate and I do genuinely like most of my neighbors.

[Anonymous]

don’t do or say anything if you can. If you must do something silently mouth the word “WOW” while walking away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grey rock, every time. Don’t respond, just look at them slightly puzzled and walk away.
These are normally people that were at risk in childhood and learned attack is the best defense. Later they regret their approach but patterns are hard to break. So do them the favor and don’t escalate, they will feel shame enough later if they have any introspection at all and if they don’t you at least feel fine.

It’s this.

Sadly, I was/am this person and made strides to improve myself and understand WHY.

For me, I was dismissed often as a child, and it was my only defense to be heard! Even if I wasn’t really being heard. It was frustrating not being heard, I just wanted someone to acknowledge me. People would ignore/grey rock me, and that would only infuriate me more. More ignoring! I can’t be loud enough to be heard! Fine. I’ll be louder!

My advice is to HEAR these people, even if you don’t agree. “I hear you, Mary. I can see you’re passionate about this.” Or some variation of this.

Dp. You have self awareness, which op's neighbor clearly doesn't. It is good you are working on improving your communication techniques. If family members continue to dismiss you, it might not be due to your words and tone, but because they are dismissive of your feelings still.

I won't jump to op's side. I've had interactions with a neighbor who has gone off on me for issues that she felt I had with other people. Every time she was an embarrassment. I don't fight in the street. She tried to physically fight me. We eventually talk and make up but the reality is she goes so far, so vile and never owns up to how far she went. She's also usually drunk. I could see her writing a post like this when I never instigate anything with her and never had a problem with her. She loves to insert herself if she thinks I've offended someone else. Bottom line is she is usually drunk and never remembers how insane and irrational she was when she attacks. If alcohol is involved the only good advice is to stay away and if communications are required put it in writing, be terse, and avoid at all costs.