Middle school- do kids pay separately when hanging out?

[Anonymous]

Get your kids a Greenlight card and start teaching them how to budget. My kids always have money to pay for themselves - unless they’ve spent their allowance for the month in which case they have to learn that they can’t just keep going out and spending money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get your kids a Greenlight card and start teaching them how to budget. My kids always have money to pay for themselves - unless they’ve spent their allowance for the month in which case they have to learn that they can’t just keep going out and spending money.

Barf. Greenlight card costs money each month to use your own money. No thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get your kids a Greenlight card and start teaching them how to budget. My kids always have money to pay for themselves - unless they’ve spent their allowance for the month in which case they have to learn that they can’t just keep going out and spending money.

Barf. Greenlight card costs money each month to use your own money. No thanks.

No they don’t. We have 3 for our kids and they don’t cost us anything. Maybe because we have had them for a while?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:12 year olds dont get to decide you will drive them to the mall and you will buy them food.
I’m guessing you want to be the cool mom but you’ve started a precedent now.
Tell your son it isn’t happening again.

OP here. My kid never has money. Over the years, he has been treated many times. My kid just has a lot of friends. Just not sure how to handle kids not having money. I don’t feel comfortable asking people I don’t know to pay me/DS back.

How do you expect your middle school kid to have money? Why do you think other MS kids DO have money? It's because their parents give their kids money. Unless this is a financial hardship for you, think ahead and give your kid $20 in anticipation of your kid going out. And given that your kid has been "treated many times" this suggests to me that something is off here. Like, you are totally OK with your kid always having to ask other kids for money? Or that you don't understand the importance of reciprocity? Your kid is eventually going to have a reputation for constantly mooching off of other kids.

I wouldn’t want my kid treated in this way, but it happens a lot. That doesn’t mean I then have a responsibility to reciprocate for something I don’t want.

I want my kid to know that going out to eat is a thing you save up for, and get once in a while.

You can say no, and my kid can leave or he can work something out with a friend, or his friend can make a plan with him that is free. No one has to pay for my kid to get a treat. But if you do give my kid a gift and he accepts then it’s a gift freely given and he doesn’t have a responsibility to reciprocate in kind.

[Anonymous]

My kid always has actual cash, his debit card, and Apple Cash on his phone. I don’t expect anyone to pay for him, but if a parent offered that is kind. We treat on occasion. But if the kids walk out for a slice or boba, they pay for themselves. If I order pizza for them or I’m driving and want to stop for coffee, I’ll treat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If we invite kids over, of course I feed them. If my teen DD asks me if I will drive her and her friends to Starbucks or Panera, I assume they are all going Dutch and it’s never been an issue.

OP here. This is how I will handle going forward.

When I was in high school and college, there were kids who had money and those who didn’t. Everyone has a friend who never has money. Even as an adult, there are people who never chip in or never buy a round. Guess these tweens/teens can figure it out.

My kids’ friends all seem to be similar socioeconomics, so this hasn’t crossed my mind to be honest.

DP here and yes. In fact my kids are more conservative with their spending because they have to spend their own money on stuff like this where most of their friends are just directly bankrolled by the parents, without even the pretense of an allowance.

[Anonymous]

Usually separate if more than 2 in the group. My son and his best friend take turns treating each other so it evens out. We send him with money or he takes some of his own.