Middle school- do kids pay separately when hanging out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:12 year olds dont get to decide you will drive them to the mall and you will buy them food.
I’m guessing you want to be the cool mom but you’ve started a precedent now.
Tell your son it isn’t happening again.

OP here. My kid never has money. Over the years, he has been treated many times. My kid just has a lot of friends. Just not sure how to handle kids not having money. I don’t feel comfortable asking people I don’t know to pay me/DS back.

How do you expect your middle school kid to have money? Why do you think other MS kids DO have money? It's because their parents give their kids money. Unless this is a financial hardship for you, think ahead and give your kid $20 in anticipation of your kid going out. And given that your kid has been "treated many times" this suggests to me that something is off here. Like, you are totally OK with your kid always having to ask other kids for money? Or that you don't understand the importance of reciprocity? Your kid is eventually going to have a reputation for constantly mooching off of other kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:12 year olds dont get to decide you will drive them to the mall and you will buy them food.
I’m guessing you want to be the cool mom but you’ve started a precedent now.
Tell your son it isn’t happening again.

OP here. My kid never has money. Over the years, he has been treated many times. My kid just has a lot of friends. Just not sure how to handle kids not having money. I don’t feel comfortable asking people I don’t know to pay me/DS back.

If finances aren't an issue in your home, why doesn't your son ever have money? My 13yr old almost always has $10 or $20 and her school ID so she has the ability to participate in spontaneous outings. Not enough to go to the movies or out to dinner, but enough to grab a treat if she's out with friends.

+1 My 13yo keeps $20 in his phone case. Also has Apple Cash. Seems to be the norm.

[Anonymous]

Agree that most kids keep cash in their phone case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:12 year olds dont get to decide you will drive them to the mall and you will buy them food.
I’m guessing you want to be the cool mom but you’ve started a precedent now.
Tell your son it isn’t happening again.

OP here. My kid never has money. Over the years, he has been treated many times. My kid just has a lot of friends. Just not sure how to handle kids not having money. I don’t feel comfortable asking people I don’t know to pay me/DS back.

If finances aren't an issue in your home, why doesn't your son ever have money? My 13yr old almost always has $10 or $20 and her school ID so she has the ability to participate in spontaneous outings. Not enough to go to the movies or out to dinner, but enough to grab a treat if she's out with friends.

My kid has a cash box with money. I meant he doesn’t carry money around. He has only had a phone for a month. Not all his friends have phones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:12 year olds dont get to decide you will drive them to the mall and you will buy them food.
I’m guessing you want to be the cool mom but you’ve started a precedent now.
Tell your son it isn’t happening again.

OP here. My kid never has money. Over the years, he has been treated many times. My kid just has a lot of friends. Just not sure how to handle kids not having money. I don’t feel comfortable asking people I don’t know to pay me/DS back.

If finances aren't an issue in your home, why doesn't your son ever have money? My 13yr old almost always has $10 or $20 and her school ID so she has the ability to participate in spontaneous outings. Not enough to go to the movies or out to dinner, but enough to grab a treat if she's out with friends.

My kid has a cash box with money. I meant he doesn’t carry money around. He has only had a phone for a month. Not all his friends have phones.

That's what we're all referencing. If your child is out and socializing and has been constantly treated by his friends, it's time to make sure he has cash. Probably even enough to start doing some paybacks for all the times his buddies have covered for him. $20 in his backpack or his phone case or his jacket pocket starting today.

[Anonymous]

My tweens never carry cash but they have Apple pay on their phones and they never go anywhere without their phones. Almost all of their friends are similar.

DD and her best friend go back and forth with treating. DD will buy Starbucks today and BFF with buy Starbucks the next time. They have done it this way so they can collect more stars, ha.

Finances are not an issue for us, so if I'm out with the kids I will often pay for everyone. I did not grow up with that type of luxury! When I was teen, if I didn't have money when my friends were eating out, I would sometimes borrow money to get something and pay the person back or bum some fries from someone. I don't remember parents ever paying for everyone back then. The world was much more savage in the 90s! I remember being invited to a bday party at a laser tag place where my parents and I misunderstood the invite. We thought games were being covered by the host. They were not. Everyone in attendance got 1 free game and then needed cash for additional games. I had enough money for 1 additional game and then I and a few others sat in the party room and hung out while the others played more games. I don't think a scenario like that would happen today as society has morphed into a nicer place where there's a big emphasis on fairness and evenness for all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in new territory with my 12yo 7th grader. In elementary, parents were mostly always present and if I was taking kids out to a movie or outing, I would cover the cost of a friend. Now my tween is hanging out with larger groups and some kids I do not know. Recently a bunch of kids came to my house and they decided they wanted to eat at the mall. Half the kids didn’t have money. I ended up giving my son money to treat everyone.

I’ve learned now to always send my MS kids with money when they are meeting up with friends somewhere, even if it’s just supposed to be a friend’s house because this type of things seems to happen regularly. I’m fine with sending money just because I’m so grateful to be out of the ES years of needing to host, supervise, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My tweens never carry cash but they have Apple pay on their phones and they never go anywhere without their phones. Almost all of their friends are similar.

DD and her best friend go back and forth with treating. DD will buy Starbucks today and BFF with buy Starbucks the next time. They have done it this way so they can collect more stars, ha.

Finances are not an issue for us, so if I'm out with the kids I will often pay for everyone. I did not grow up with that type of luxury! When I was teen, if I didn't have money when my friends were eating out, I would sometimes borrow money to get something and pay the person back or bum some fries from someone. I don't remember parents ever paying for everyone back then. The world was much more savage in the 90s! I remember being invited to a bday party at a laser tag place where my parents and I misunderstood the invite. We thought games were being covered by the host. They were not. Everyone in attendance got 1 free game and then needed cash for additional games. I had enough money for 1 additional game and then I and a few others sat in the party room and hung out while the others played more games. I don't think a scenario like that would happen today as society has morphed into a nicer place where there's a big emphasis on fairness and evenness for all.

how old are your kids? Mine are 13 and 15 and no one goes back & forth treating each other. They didn’t do this when they were younger either. It has nothing to do with finances like you are suggesting. Kids simply pay their own way and almost always with cash, some kids do have a debit card they use.
It’s easiest.

[Anonymous]

They usually pay separately but this is on you. You spontaneously took a group of 7th graders to the mall. They wouldn’t have money if they were hanging out at your house. I don’t believe the majority of kids that age have Apple Pay. Mine just got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, kids pay their own way. If they don’t have cash, they usually borrow some and will pay it back.

This. Our kid borrowed money before he was old enough to get Apple Pay on his phone (13). Now he pays if his friends don't have cash and they pay him back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My tweens never carry cash but they have Apple pay on their phones and they never go anywhere without their phones. Almost all of their friends are similar.

DD and her best friend go back and forth with treating. DD will buy Starbucks today and BFF with buy Starbucks the next time. They have done it this way so they can collect more stars, ha.

Finances are not an issue for us, so if I'm out with the kids I will often pay for everyone. I did not grow up with that type of luxury! When I was teen, if I didn't have money when my friends were eating out, I would sometimes borrow money to get something and pay the person back or bum some fries from someone. I don't remember parents ever paying for everyone back then. The world was much more savage in the 90s! I remember being invited to a bday party at a laser tag place where my parents and I misunderstood the invite. We thought games were being covered by the host. They were not. Everyone in attendance got 1 free game and then needed cash for additional games. I had enough money for 1 additional game and then I and a few others sat in the party room and hung out while the others played more games. I don't think a scenario like that would happen today as society has morphed into a nicer place where there's a big emphasis on fairness and evenness for all.

How do tweens have money for starbucks?? You guys must give better allowances than me. Or my kids would just rather save up for clothes than starbucks I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:12 year olds dont get to decide you will drive them to the mall and you will buy them food.
I’m guessing you want to be the cool mom but you’ve started a precedent now.
Tell your son it isn’t happening again.

OP here. My kid never has money. Over the years, he has been treated many times. My kid just has a lot of friends. Just not sure how to handle kids not having money. I don’t feel comfortable asking people I don’t know to pay me/DS back.

Why does your kid not have money? Do you expect his friends to pay for him?

[Anonymous]

We got DD a debit card in middle school. We make sure she has some money in it when she is out with friends because I don’t want her to borrow or have parents feel obligated to pay. Some parents still pay and there are times I do too. Usually if it’s just 1 other friend.

Honestly, it’s annoying when parents send their kid without money or a debit card. I have one friend who thinks it’s OK for me to buy their kid stuff at the mall and then she will pay me back. I personally don’t like this and have encouraged her to get her child a debit card. It gets messy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We got DD a debit card in middle school. We make sure she has some money in it when she is out with friends because I don’t want her to borrow or have parents feel obligated to pay. Some parents still pay and there are times I do too. Usually if it’s just 1 other friend.

Honestly, it’s annoying when parents send their kid without money or a debit card. I have one friend who thinks it’s OK for me to buy their kid stuff at the mall and then she will pay me back. I personally don’t like this and have encouraged her to get her child a debit card. It gets messy.

+2

[Anonymous]

It's easier if everyone knows ahead of time - "we're going to the mall, so they will need to bring money if they want something".