Friend has violent Pitbull but wants to hist Girls Nite at her house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Hi Julie, thanks so much for offering to host! Unfortunately I am not comfortable around dogs. Can you please let me know your plans? If Fluffy will be loose, no worries, I'll just plan to see you in the new year."

Let her make the call. As a dog owner of both a friendly and unfriendly dog, I 100% get putting them up for planned visitors. They are crated in the bedroom with chewies and are fine for a couple of hours.

I would send this to the group, not just the friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not go, even if the dog was in another room. This woman doesn't acknowledge how unsafe her dog is - I could see her opening the door to let the dog out "because he's lonely/just wants to say hi to everyone/Laura loves dogs and hasn't gotten to meet him yet".

So no. I would never go to her house.

This.

I'd just say in the group chat that you are afraid of her dog and would prefer to move the party back to a restaurant.

Distance with the dog owner is inevitable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he crushed a puppy’s skull why hasn’t he been euthanized?

Because he doesn't exist.

They'd have to kill like 10 puppies before euthanasia, if it even got to that. They're only put down for fatal human attacks and not always for life changing injury. Other dogs and cats are totally disposable and treated as property. The owner should proactively euthanize it, but when have owners of out of control vicious pits ever been that responsible?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for this feedback, I'm leaning towards the suggestion to just tell her about my fear of her dog and let her know i'll connect with them all at the next event if the dog will be loose in the house at the Girls Nite.

I am not a troll, not sure why PPs would think that. I stopped taking Zoloft awhile ago as my therapy has helped alot with the anxiety I was dealing with, but I still have some left over and have no problem using it again if needed.

I have no idea why this dog has not been euthanized, but that's a good question bc the attacked puppies were fosters. I'm not a dog owner so I don't know what the parameters are around euthanizing dogs that attack others.

My friend is in complete denial about how terrifying her dog is to others. And she has neighbors and other friends who are not scared of the dog at all (they pet and play with it), so I think she thinks everyone enjoys her dog. But I don't.

I'm not sure why she has not told our other friends about the attacks. I'm closer with her and see and speak with her more often than the others do, so that's probably why she's more open with me about it. TBH I would feel awkward telling our friends about the attacks when she has not mentioned it to them first. THe whole thing just bugs the heck out of me, ugh.

Well unless your event is 4-6 weeks from now and you have that much of a supply, it isn't going to help. It's not an as needed medication. If that's what you need, you need Xanax or Ativan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for this feedback, I'm leaning towards the suggestion to just tell her about my fear of her dog and let her know i'll connect with them all at the next event if the dog will be loose in the house at the Girls Nite.

I am not a troll, not sure why PPs would think that. I stopped taking Zoloft awhile ago as my therapy has helped alot with the anxiety I was dealing with, but I still have some left over and have no problem using it again if needed.

I have no idea why this dog has not been euthanized, but that's a good question bc the attacked puppies were fosters. I'm not a dog owner so I don't know what the parameters are around euthanizing dogs that attack others.

My friend is in complete denial about how terrifying her dog is to others. And she has neighbors and other friends who are not scared of the dog at all (they pet and play with it), so I think she thinks everyone enjoys her dog. But I don't.

I'm not sure why she has not told our other friends about the attacks. I'm closer with her and see and speak with her more often than the others do, so that's probably why she's more open with me about it. TBH I would feel awkward telling our friends about the attacks when she has not mentioned it to them first. THe whole thing just bugs the heck out of me, ugh.

You need to speak to a doctor. You can't stop and start taking Zoloft on a whim. It's a prescription drug you need to be careful with.

[Anonymous]

I would not go even if she put the dog away. I am afraid of most dogs and would be terrified of her dog. I would also be honest and say I’m afraid of the dog. But then that wouldn’t surprise anyone who knows me.

[Anonymous]

#1, but in order to avoid arguments & defensiveness I'd make it more about your nerves than about the dog. If you come out with "I'm not coming over because your dog is dangerous", she will argue. If you frame it as "I can't come over there because I'm afraid of the dog, and I just won't be able to relax and enjoy myself", there's not much she can say. I mean, I'm sure she'll try, but your feelings are your feelings.

I would also start with a 1:1 with one or two others to explain why you're so uncomfortable with the plan, and see if they'll back you up. Then I'd do a group response claiming discomfort around the dog and ask for an alternate meeting place. If others are OK with moving it back to a restaurant, great, if not you'll catch them next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Hi Julie, thanks so much for offering to host! Unfortunately I am not comfortable around dogs. Can you please let me know your plans? If Fluffy will be loose, no worries, I'll just plan to see you in the new year."

Let her make the call. As a dog owner of both a friendly and unfriendly dog, I 100% get putting them up for planned visitors. They are crated in the bedroom with chewies and are fine for a couple of hours.

I would send this to the group, not just the friend.

Please do. OP, I am scared of dogs - if I didn't know about the dog and showed up to an agro pit bull I would not be happy.

[Anonymous]

I’d just decline and say you have other plans, without any commentary about the dog. I’m surprised anyone agrees to go over to her house with that dog running around TBH, but it is their choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to see my friends but am terrified of her dog (pitbull). Her dog failed socialization training, and has already viciously attacked two small puppies in recent years. Those attacks left one puppy with a crushed skull and the other puppy with broken legs. Her dog is so poorly socialized that she had to stop taking it on walks at the local parks, bc it would try to attack other dogs. And her dog is huge! And strong!

I’ve been to her house before and the dog jumps on you and barks and runs fast around the house. My friend just laughs this off and ignores this terrible behavior by her dog. I find it terrifying and have not been over there since.

Our friend group is coordinating a holiday gathering, which I was fine doing at a restaurant like we’ve been doing. But my dog friend said she’ll host it, and the other ladies said that’s fine. The other ladies are not aware of the attacks or the failed training, and some of them have never been to her house or dealt with this dog.

My friend has fragile feelings so I’m trying to determine the best way to approach this. Options:

1 ) I do not want to go to her house, unless she is willing to put the dog away in the basement or a bedroom while we’re there. I think my friend will be offended by this option, but I feel this is the best compromise to ensure everyone’s safety.

2) I can just not go at all, which I’m fine with but the friend group has said they really want all of us there and have worked hard to coordinate schedules, even delaying by a month bc I was unable to make the first date suggested. So I feel obligated to attend now.

3) I really wish that either someone else would host it, or better yet we just go to a restaurant. I suggested the restaurant to start with, which everyone was fine with until dog friend offered to host at her house. So backtracking to the restaurant idea would be kind of awkward at this point, and my friend would likely feel offended.

4) I can take my Zoloft and just go to her house, terrified as hell and hope for the best. Do some shots while there to calm my nerves. This is my least preferred option, and tbh is not something I’m fully committed to doing. I do not want to be attacked or jumped on by her dog.

What would you do?

I would just say I am not comfortable around dogs. She what she says. But the longer you wait the harder this will be and more awkward. I would have said it the moment she offered.

I have pets. The moment guestd tell me they are uncomfortable I put the cat away. Allergies, Kids, just don’t like them, I will put the cat away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be kind but honest and leave it at that.

Hi Marla. I’m really sorry, but I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I don’t feel comfortable going to the party with Fido at the house. I realize you are not concerned about her doing anything unsafe, but I am, and am going to have too much worry to enjoy the evening. If you’re willing to move it back to a restaurant, I’ll happily attend, but if not I wish you all a lovely evening and will connect at the next event.

If she pushes back, stay strong and simple. “I’m sorry, that just won’t work for me, but have fun!” And you can tell your other friends the same thing.

I wouldn’t call her dog out. Just say uncomfortable around dogs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d just decline and say you have other plans, without any commentary about the dog. I’m surprised anyone agrees to go over to her house with that dog running around TBH, but it is their choice.

Don’t do this — your other friends will think you are rude and may start to freeze you out. I adore dogs but I am terrified of these violent pit bulls and would absolutely not go to this sort of thing. I’d say something like “it’s really nice of you to offer to host but I’m really scared of your dog. Can we go back to the restaurant idea? If not, that’s okay — I’ll just see everyone in the Nee Year!” And then if people push back just stand your ground and say “it’s really okay if I sit this one out — see you next time!” And then when the rest of the friend group meets the dog, they will totally get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be kind but honest and leave it at that.

Hi Marla. I’m really sorry, but I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I don’t feel comfortable going to the party with Fido at the house. I realize you are not concerned about her doing anything unsafe, but I am, and am going to have too much worry to enjoy the evening. If you’re willing to move it back to a restaurant, I’ll happily attend, but if not I wish you all a lovely evening and will connect at the next event.

If she pushes back, stay strong and simple. “I’m sorry, that just won’t work for me, but have fun!” And you can tell your other friends the same thing.

I wouldn’t call her dog out. Just say uncomfortable around dogs.

See, I'd do the opposite. I would call her dog out unless you're truly scared of all dogs. Other people invited may also have dogs. I'm a huge dog lover and trainer who has two large dogs myself. I think it would resonate better that I was scared of this dog specifically vs someone with a phobia who freaks out at the sight of an 8 week Golden Retriever sleeping. She's choosing to own a dangerous, unsocialized dog, she deserves the blame not all dogs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be kind but honest and leave it at that.

Hi Marla. I’m really sorry, but I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I don’t feel comfortable going to the party with Fido at the house. I realize you are not concerned about her doing anything unsafe, but I am, and am going to have too much worry to enjoy the evening. If you’re willing to move it back to a restaurant, I’ll happily attend, but if not I wish you all a lovely evening and will connect at the next event.

If she pushes back, stay strong and simple. “I’m sorry, that just won’t work for me, but have fun!” And you can tell your other friends the same thing.

I wouldn’t call her dog out. Just say uncomfortable around dogs.

See, I'd do the opposite. I would call her dog out unless you're truly scared of all dogs. Other people invited may also have dogs. I'm a huge dog lover and trainer who has two large dogs myself. I think it would resonate better that I was scared of this dog specifically vs someone with a phobia who freaks out at the sight of an 8 week Golden Retriever sleeping. She's choosing to own a dangerous, unsocialized dog, she deserves the blame not all dogs.

Oh, and not the owners either.

I agree with above poster who says distance is inevitable. People with dogs like this almost always pick their dogs. But yeah, I'd never go to that home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be kind but honest and leave it at that.

Hi Marla. I’m really sorry, but I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I don’t feel comfortable going to the party with Fido at the house. I realize you are not concerned about her doing anything unsafe, but I am, and am going to have too much worry to enjoy the evening. If you’re willing to move it back to a restaurant, I’ll happily attend, but if not I wish you all a lovely evening and will connect at the next event.

If she pushes back, stay strong and simple. “I’m sorry, that just won’t work for me, but have fun!” And you can tell your other friends the same thing.

I wouldn’t call her dog out. Just say uncomfortable around dogs.

This doesn’t really work if anyone else in the group has dogs, though