Friend has violent Pitbull but wants to hist Girls Nite at her house

[Anonymous]

I want to see my friends but am terrified of her dog (pitbull). Her dog failed socialization training, and has already viciously attacked two small puppies in recent years. Those attacks left one puppy with a crushed skull and the other puppy with broken legs. Her dog is so poorly socialized that she had to stop taking it on walks at the local parks, bc it would try to attack other dogs. And her dog is huge! And strong!

I’ve been to her house before and the dog jumps on you and barks and runs fast around the house. My friend just laughs this off and ignores this terrible behavior by her dog. I find it terrifying and have not been over there since.

Our friend group is coordinating a holiday gathering, which I was fine doing at a restaurant like we’ve been doing. But my dog friend said she’ll host it, and the other ladies said that’s fine. The other ladies are not aware of the attacks or the failed training, and some of them have never been to her house or dealt with this dog.

My friend has fragile feelings so I’m trying to determine the best way to approach this. Options:

1 ) I do not want to go to her house, unless she is willing to put the dog away in the basement or a bedroom while we’re there. I think my friend will be offended by this option, but I feel this is the best compromise to ensure everyone’s safety.

2) I can just not go at all, which I’m fine with but the friend group has said they really want all of us there and have worked hard to coordinate schedules, even delaying by a month bc I was unable to make the first date suggested. So I feel obligated to attend now.

3) I really wish that either someone else would host it, or better yet we just go to a restaurant. I suggested the restaurant to start with, which everyone was fine with until dog friend offered to host at her house. So backtracking to the restaurant idea would be kind of awkward at this point, and my friend would likely feel offended.

4) I can take my Zoloft and just go to her house, terrified as hell and hope for the best. Do some shots while there to calm my nerves. This is my least preferred option, and tbh is not something I’m fully committed to doing. I do not want to be attacked or jumped on by her dog.

What would you do?

[Anonymous]

How is it that none of the other friends know about this dog? You need to be direct and honest with your friend group about this. The dog owner is clearly in denial about the problem. Fragile feelings don't trump safety concerns.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t go if in order to feel comfortable I required drugs. I don’t like dogs at all and would completely freak out about a pit bull so I feel your pain. I would wait until the last minute and say I feel like I’m coming down with something and don’t want to get everyone sick. I wouldn’t get into it about asking them to change their plans or you’re scared of the dog or any of that. You’ll see them all together at the next one.

[Anonymous]

Don’t go. You shouldn’t have to medicate yourself to go to a friend’s house. Also, dogs sense fear. I wouldn’t go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is it that none of the other friends know about this dog? You need to be direct and honest with your friend group about this. The dog owner is clearly in denial about the problem. Fragile feelings don't trump safety concerns.

I assume they know and don’t care, which is fine. Everything is not for everybody.

[Anonymous]

I would take Zoloft and go, because the dog will probably go completely crazy around everyone and have to be put into another room.

You have have advantage, as you already know how crazy the dog is, if you feel threatened, go outside at once.

[Anonymous]

Just simply don't go. As the other poster mentioned, the dog will sense if you fear it and misbehave even worse.

My dog is very well-trained and behaved and barked ferociously at someone who came over who was afraid of dogs. Everyone else is her instant best friend. The dog will know.

Please be honest about the reason, no need to spare feelings. Be honest that you're not comfortable with the dog.

[Anonymous]

"Hi Julie, thanks so much for offering to host! Unfortunately I am not comfortable around dogs. Can you please let me know your plans? If Fluffy will be loose, no worries, I'll just plan to see you in the new year."

Let her make the call. As a dog owner of both a friendly and unfriendly dog, I 100% get putting them up for planned visitors. They are crated in the bedroom with chewies and are fine for a couple of hours.

[Anonymous]

Direct approach: tell your friend that if the dog isn't secured, you won't attend.

Indirect approach: tell others in the group about the issue and see if someone else will suggest a change of venue

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand the people that say to tell the host the reason. Why? All that’s going to do is make the host defensive about their dog. They obviously don’t think it’s a problem and it doesn’t sound like it is a problem for the group, just OP.

[Anonymous]

I would not attend.

Aggression towards other dogs doesn’t always mean a dog is aggressive towards humans. I will throw that out there.

I would not want to be a visitor at a home that had an excitable dog being disruptive and jumping on me etc. When ours was a puppy and is still training, we always put her away when we had visitors (after a brief greeting if ok with the visitors- which was part of her training). Even though she is older and well trained now, we still put her away during gatherings or parties. Not everyone likes dogs, even well behaved dogs…and dogs can get overstimulated and don’t always enjoy parties either. I think it is extremely rude to subject guests to an ill behaved dog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand the people that say to tell the host the reason. Why? All that’s going to do is make the host defensive about their dog. They obviously don’t think it’s a problem and it doesn’t sound like it is a problem for the group, just OP.

Because a good friend would rather put the dog away and make guests comfortable than miss out on seeing her friend?

If there was a tiny thing I could do to make my friends more comfortable in my home I'd do it in a heartbeat.

[Anonymous]

If this is in a group chat, I would just ask if the dog will be out and about during the evening. Don't suggest she put the dog away if she's that sensitive. Hopefully someone will chime in and suggest the dog be in another room. If she's planning to let the dog out, plan to have covid symptoms that night.

[Anonymous]

Tell her as politely as possible. I love dogs but have a very real fear of dogs while running as I have been bitten twice. I have no problems asking/telling dog owners to put their dog on a leash when out and about when I get scared.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to see my friends but am terrified of her dog (pitbull). Her dog failed socialization training, and has already viciously attacked two small puppies in recent years. Those attacks left one puppy with a crushed skull and the other puppy with broken legs. Her dog is so poorly socialized that she had to stop taking it on walks at the local parks, bc it would try to attack other dogs. And her dog is huge! And strong!

I’ve been to her house before and the dog jumps on you and barks and runs fast around the house. My friend just laughs this off and ignores this terrible behavior by her dog. I find it terrifying and have not been over there since.

Our friend group is coordinating a holiday gathering, which I was fine doing at a restaurant like we’ve been doing. But my dog friend said she’ll host it, and the other ladies said that’s fine. The other ladies are not aware of the attacks or the failed training, and some of them have never been to her house or dealt with this dog.

My friend has fragile feelings so I’m trying to determine the best way to approach this. Options:

1 ) I do not want to go to her house, unless she is willing to put the dog away in the basement or a bedroom while we’re there. I think my friend will be offended by this option, but I feel this is the best compromise to ensure everyone’s safety.

2) I can just not go at all, which I’m fine with but the friend group has said they really want all of us there and have worked hard to coordinate schedules, even delaying by a month bc I was unable to make the first date suggested. So I feel obligated to attend now.

3) I really wish that either someone else would host it, or better yet we just go to a restaurant. I suggested the restaurant to start with, which everyone was fine with until dog friend offered to host at her house. So backtracking to the restaurant idea would be kind of awkward at this point, and my friend would likely feel offended.

4) I can take my Zoloft and just go to her house, terrified as hell and hope for the best. Do some shots while there to calm my nerves. This is my least preferred option, and tbh is not something I’m fully committed to doing. I do not want to be attacked or jumped on by her dog.

What would you do?

Troll. You take Zoloft every day, not on a one off basis.