I know this is really dumb but…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also he did tell me he has major self esteem issues (OP).

I’m allowed to not like something and to be turned off by something. I was honest and addressed it and didn’t just cut him off.

Why would you want to be with someone who has “major self-esteem issues” at this stage of your life, with a divorce under your belt?

I would take a pause on dating until you don’t feel like you have to stay with someone just because they’re nice to you. You may not be used to nice guys, but it’s the absolute baseline in dating criteria. Fairness shouldn’t even enter the equation when you’re gauging how you feel about something, or what your gut is telling you.

[Anonymous]

^how you feel about *someone*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again—I had a feeling this guy would turn on me, I had a feeling the nice part was not totally sincere
I just don’t understand why he would be so childish.
And I HATE the silent treatment, to me there are few things worse.
This sucks. Thanks for listening.

Yeah, good riddance to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again—I had a feeling this guy would turn on me, I had a feeling the nice part was not totally sincere
I just don’t understand why he would be so childish.
And I HATE the silent treatment, to me there are few things worse.
This sucks. Thanks for listening.

Yeah, good riddance to him.

OP - I've posted a few times on this thread - I am also a divorced woman (almost 50) who is dating again. I was going to ask earlier if there were other "turnoffs" you noticed, but perhaps didn't allow to register and if this was the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak.

I find dating at this age and stage soooo interesting because it's allowing me to really understand ME and my own entrenched ideas and conditioning so that I can shift how I am thinking and acting to align with what I want.

Re: the bolded - why does it matter why he is so childish? If you could know, would it matter it to you? Do you think it's something that you need "accept"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again—I had a feeling this guy would turn on me, I had a feeling the nice part was not totally sincere
I just don’t understand why he would be so childish.
And I HATE the silent treatment, to me there are few things worse.
This sucks. Thanks for listening.

Yeah, good riddance to him.

OP - I've posted a few times on this thread - I am also a divorced woman (almost 50) who is dating again. I was going to ask earlier if there were other "turnoffs" you noticed, but perhaps didn't allow to register and if this was the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak.

I find dating at this age and stage soooo interesting because it's allowing me to really understand ME and my own entrenched ideas and conditioning so that I can shift how I am thinking and acting to align with what I want.

Re: the bolded - why does it matter why he is so childish? If you could know, would it matter it to you? Do you think it's something that you need "accept"?

Thank you for your feedback, I really appreciate it.

Yeah there were several turnoffs I overlooked because I liked that he was nice to me and I liked frequent contact (although I did see his clinginess and abandonment issues from the start).

I guess it bothers me because it’s so triggering, my mother always gave me the silent treatment so I still hate it and find it upsetting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also he did tell me he has major self esteem issues (OP).

I’m allowed to not like something and to be turned off by something. I was honest and addressed it and didn’t just cut him off.

Why would you want to be with someone who has “major self-esteem issues” at this stage of your life, with a divorce under your belt?

I would take a pause on dating until you don’t feel like you have to stay with someone just because they’re nice to you. You may not be used to nice guys, but it’s the absolute baseline in dating criteria. Fairness shouldn’t even enter the equation when you’re gauging how you feel about something, or what your gut is telling you.

I guess because I was just getting to know him and I liked casually dating him so I overlooked it. I figured that at this age everyone has issues but perhaps he could work on it? (Although he made no mention of working off anything or therapy or any of that).

[Anonymous]

He’s not giving you the silent treatment, he’s gone. You chased him away because you were judgmental and he clearly didn’t want to deal with that. Since you said you wanted to ditch him anyways then you should be grateful. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s not giving you the silent treatment, he’s gone. You chased him away because you were judgmental and he clearly didn’t want to deal with that. Since you said you wanted to ditch him anyways then you should be grateful. Move on.

this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s not giving you the silent treatment, he’s gone. You chased him away because you were judgmental and he clearly didn’t want to deal with that. Since you said you wanted to ditch him anyways then you should be grateful. Move on.

Yeah. I guess so. I just don’t get why he was so caring one minute, then daring me to leave, then back and again and then cut me off.

[Anonymous]

Avoid old frat boys

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here—well it doesn’t matter now I guess because the guy decided to cut off contact with me.

In one breath he said how much he cared about me, how we have something special, he’s willing to go above and beyond for me…then he said it had become a difficult decision for me so he would make it easier by making it impossible to text or call.

I’m baffled and it feels really bad too. I know he has major self-esteem and I suspect abandonment issues but I was trying to be fair and rational.

Well, a couple weeks in I wouldn't wait around for someone to decide whether they wanted to see me again after I said something I did in my 20s, either.

You have a right to stop seeing someone for any reason, but it sounds like you waffled. He has a right to dump you for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here—I did ask for clarification and explained my feelings.

I couldn’t help that I got the ick when I thought he had recently enjoyed trapping people on a ride with a noxious fart.

I wanted to talk things through. He seemed receptive in one breath and then cut me off.

This is not worth a continued conversation with someone I barely know and had seen a couple of times. I would have cut you off, too.

You're the red flag, OP. Well done!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also he did tell me he has major self esteem issues (OP).

I’m allowed to not like something and to be turned off by something. I was honest and addressed it and didn’t just cut him off.

Why would you want to be with someone who has “major self-esteem issues” at this stage of your life, with a divorce under your belt?

I would take a pause on dating until you don’t feel like you have to stay with someone just because they’re nice to you. You may not be used to nice guys, but it’s the absolute baseline in dating criteria. Fairness shouldn’t even enter the equation when you’re gauging how you feel about something, or what your gut is telling you.

I guess because I was just getting to know him and I liked casually dating him so I overlooked it. I figured that at this age everyone has issues but perhaps he could work on it? (Although he made no mention of working off anything or therapy or any of that).

OP - dont' assume anyone will change. In dating. Friendships. Jobs. Focus on yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again—I had a feeling this guy would turn on me, I had a feeling the nice part was not totally sincere
I just don’t understand why he would be so childish.
And I HATE the silent treatment, to me there are few things worse.
This sucks. Thanks for listening.

Yeah, good riddance to him.

OP - I've posted a few times on this thread - I am also a divorced woman (almost 50) who is dating again. I was going to ask earlier if there were other "turnoffs" you noticed, but perhaps didn't allow to register and if this was the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak.

I find dating at this age and stage soooo interesting because it's allowing me to really understand ME and my own entrenched ideas and conditioning so that I can shift how I am thinking and acting to align with what I want.

Re: the bolded - why does it matter why he is so childish? If you could know, would it matter it to you? Do you think it's something that you need "accept"?

Thank you for your feedback, I really appreciate it.

Yeah there were several turnoffs I overlooked because I liked that he was nice to me and I liked frequent contact (although I did see his clinginess and abandonment issues from the start).

I guess it bothers me because it’s so triggering, my mother always gave me the silent treatment so I still hate it and find it upsetting.

OP - focus on your own triggers. This is an opportunity for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here—I did ask for clarification and explained my feelings.

I couldn’t help that I got the ick when I thought he had recently enjoyed trapping people on a ride with a noxious fart.

I wanted to talk things through. He seemed receptive in one breath and then cut me off.

This is not worth a continued conversation with someone I barely know and had seen a couple of times. I would have cut you off, too.

You're the red flag, OP. Well done!

Oh shut up