Any downsides to not being in the popular group if a kid is happy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child sold his soul to be popular

Some of my family members sold their souls to be popular too. I don’t understand why anybody wants this.

[Anonymous]

I never thought about it. My group was always kids who had common interests, generally sports. I was a happy kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Huh? This is a concern people have? I'd prefer my kid not be in that group. Especially if a girl. Lots of eating disorders, drugs, alcohol and early sexual activities in that group. No thanks.

This.

Too much drama in those groups. Not positive influences either.

[Anonymous]

Omg my son is friends with a bunch of smart geeks, and they all know it at this point and are fine with it! As long as he has friends and is happy - I am good with it! They have a good crew and they are nice kids. I always tell my kids - they're not trying to peak in high school! They come from a long line of dorks

The really smart moms I know, tell their daughters not to "sleep on" on my son and his friends and they're the ones who will end up being the real catches hahaha.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our school sounds similar. The popular crowd is also very involved in the school / donate. I have never seen obvious bias but we are only in 2nd grade.

I do actively discourage my DS from staying on the fringe group and find his own group of friends. The people on the fringes are always trying to get "in" (including the parents) and it hurts more because they know when they are excluded.

Huh? I went to a fancy private school and the fringe kids were generally kids who did their own thing and didn't care about fitting in. 30 years later they also appear quite happy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg my son is friends with a bunch of smart geeks, and they all know it at this point and are fine with it! As long as he has friends and is happy - I am good with it! They have a good crew and they are nice kids. I always tell my kids - they're not trying to peak in high school! They come from a long line of dorks

The really smart moms I know, tell their daughters not to "sleep on" on my son and his friends and they're the ones who will end up being the real catches hahaha.

Wut

https://ell.stackexchange.com/questions/249677/what-does-it-mean-to-sleep-on-somebody

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD is in an intermediate grade at a K-8 school. For years she was on the fringes of a friend group that was mostly girls from one of the fancier neighborhoods that the school attracts students from, and a lot of those girls come from very privileged families. They also run their kids' social lives through high school and beyond and have a lot of social capital on our community.

We are definitely still privileged but at a different level, and we are mixed race so we never quite fit in with the rich people who share my ethnicity or the super social people who share DH's ethnicity. I was honestly relieved when DD started to find a small group of true friends who really get her and who are more on the fringes of things. They're smart girls who do a variety of activities, and they have parents from all different backgrounds who are similar to my DH and I in terms caring about academics without being competitive, having rules about social media, etc.

My question is this: is there any downside from not being in the "in" or socially powerful group as long as a kid has friends, feels confident and is happy? For example, my DD doesn't do school activities like theater, so I'm not worried about her not getting picked for the play because she doesn't have the same social capital as other kids. But I do wonder if teachers use popularity as a proxy for confidence or competence and if it will affect things like letters of recommendation for HS applications, middle school course selection, or leadership projects.

why is this a thing? you are not in rural america. you are not trapped by the most powerful in your micro community. get out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg my son is friends with a bunch of smart geeks, and they all know it at this point and are fine with it! As long as he has friends and is happy - I am good with it! They have a good crew and they are nice kids. I always tell my kids - they're not trying to peak in high school! They come from a long line of dorks

The really smart moms I know, tell their daughters not to "sleep on" on my son and his friends and they're the ones who will end up being the real catches hahaha.

No one tells their middle school daughters that krap PP.

[Anonymous]

There is only upside to your daughters position, and you will be extremely happy in high school that she is not doing dangerous things to keep her status in the in crowd.

And if you want to play games about letters of rec, she should be buttering up the teachers, not the competition. Being a leader who brings in kids who are left out is noticed by teachers in a good way; striving to get "in" with the alphas is never going to make a kid shine in a letter of rec.

[Anonymous]

There are lots of upsides to not being in the popular group, even more as they get older.

The only downside would be at a small private school where the few people who aren't in the popular group are excluded from everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg my son is friends with a bunch of smart geeks, and they all know it at this point and are fine with it! As long as he has friends and is happy - I am good with it! They have a good crew and they are nice kids. I always tell my kids - they're not trying to peak in high school! They come from a long line of dorks

The really smart moms I know, tell their daughters not to "sleep on" on my son and his friends and they're the ones who will end up being the real catches hahaha.

No one tells their middle school daughters that krap PP.

OK well that's what their moms told me, so ...