People tell me being weird is a great thing, but I find it isolating

[Anonymous]

I guess I still don’t understand what you are doing that is so weird.

Lots of women don’t like mainstream girly things. Lots prefer the company of men. I just don’t think of this as weird at all.

Can you give specifics?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm weird in the sense that I'm a woman but I don't really enjoy hanging out with women. I don't like what women like and I don't enjoy womenish things.

I also sadly found out in my 20's that hanging with the "boys" was not socially acceptable. So I'm sort of stuck hanging out with women and I can't really relate to most of them.

I've always felt this way that I really just didn't like or relate to girls.

May I gently just point out that ... we're not all the same? I don't relate to women with fake nails and highlights and focus a ton on looks, yet also don't relate to women who have perpetually dirty fingernails because they're always gardening and wearing ugly shoes. (No idea why I'm focusing on nails here.)

Because you’re a woman. Woman love to talk about, think about, discuss nails. We will definitely be getting our nails done this weekend. I’ll get my toes done because I don’t like fake nails either and mine are too short otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I still don’t understand what you are doing that is so weird.

Lots of women don’t like mainstream girly things. Lots prefer the company of men. I just don’t think of this as weird at all.

Can you give specifics?

What?

Really? Can you let me know how many boys weekends you know about that invite the one girl like me?

I’m sure the wives would love that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm weird in the sense that I'm a woman but I don't really enjoy hanging out with women. I don't like what women like and I don't enjoy womenish things.

I also sadly found out in my 20's that hanging with the "boys" was not socially acceptable. So I'm sort of stuck hanging out with women and I can't really relate to most of them.

I've always felt this way that I really just didn't like or relate to girls.

What do women like?

“We won’t be watching college game day, playing pickup basketball, going golfing watching college football, talking about our fantasy leagues, eating wings and nachos and then watching football all day Sunday.”

My husband will do none of the above.

“We will being doing crafts, getting our nails done, shopping, eating lots of cheese, dressing up in dresses and going to a dinner that will cost at least a $100”

I will only consider the crafts and the cheese. My husband will buy all the cheese.

A woman.

[Anonymous]

If you don’t like it, then change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I still don’t understand what you are doing that is so weird.

Lots of women don’t like mainstream girly things. Lots prefer the company of men. I just don’t think of this as weird at all.

Can you give specifics?

What?

Really? Can you let me know how many boys weekends you know about that invite the one girl like me?

I’m sure the wives would love that.

My guy friends don’t do boy weekends, but we regularly get together for drinks. No wives, just us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I still don’t understand what you are doing that is so weird.

Lots of women don’t like mainstream girly things. Lots prefer the company of men. I just don’t think of this as weird at all.

Can you give specifics?

What?

Really? Can you let me know how many boys weekends you know about that invite the one girl like me?

I’m sure the wives would love that.

My guy friends don’t do boy weekends, but we regularly get together for drinks. No wives, just us.

So the answer is you’ve never heard of a girl going on boys weekend and you’ve never heard of a boy going on girls weekends

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm actually teaching my kids the opposite. It's important to form connections with people, and fitting in is part of that. Good manners are ways to make other people feel comfortable. Societal norms are how we avoid anarchy. Flouting this is not a good thing.

If you have a disability such as autism, then people should make allowances for that. There are also resources to help you. You could join groups for people with autism and form connections.

Bucking society at large is generally some form of disability/mental illness. You can also do some odd things privately, as long as there's no moral or legal issue at hand. You don't need to broadcast every part of your life. But if you're running into frequent problems, then you need professional help. You'll likely be much happier once you get your diagnosis and get help for how to manage it.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Isolation is terrible. I hope it gets better for you.

Ludicrous. For one thing: there would never have been a civil rights movement, a gay-rights movement, any social advancement with that kind of judgmental, cruel, ignorant mentality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I still don’t understand what you are doing that is so weird.

Lots of women don’t like mainstream girly things. Lots prefer the company of men. I just don’t think of this as weird at all.

Can you give specifics?

What?

Really? Can you let me know how many boys weekends you know about that invite the one girl like me?

I’m sure the wives would love that.

What is it you wanna do on boys’ weekends? Those vary too you know. Some might want to drink beer and play golf. Others are into stuff like chess. Still others might be into hiking and white weather rafting.

Oh and there are women who do all these things too.

I have no idea why you think you are unusual. Find your people. I don’t do manicures or wine and cheese gossip. I love to climb. So I made a whole group of friends of all ages and sexes at the climbing gym.

[Anonymous]

white water rafting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am weird but I do not present that way initially based on general appearance (I guess I am "pretty" and dress well, for example). But once people get to know me, I experience the same thing of people shying away from me. It is very lonely.

This, in some ways I think it would be better if I didn't look so normal because I think I tend to attract people who are conformist (I think I look pleasant and non-threatening) and this is the sort of person who is most scared off when you turn out to be unusual in any way.

What's funny is that I think often people who look overtly weird or different are often actually pretty middle of the road. I've had this experience, too, where I've made friends with people who come off as very nonconformist in their appearance but then they'll be like, "I think you're weird." If you've never been rejected by someone with purple hair and facial piercings who is an aerial yoga instructor or a tattoo artist for being "too different," well then, you're lucky.

Yeah, the people who are so immature that they need to show the world they're rebels aren't the ones to look to for kindness. These fringe groups can be brutal.

You’re not good at critical thinking.

No, there is something to this. I have encountered fringe groups of people who are all "weird" thinking I've met kindred spirits, only to be rejected for not being "one of them." I think sometimes people who define themselves by how they are "not like other people" are often much more exclusionary than people who are pretty conformist generally but make an effort to have an open mind.

Just because some a-hole you met had purple hair, it doesn’t mean every person who looks unusual to you is an a-hole. Critical thinking 👍

In addition to critical thinking, I also like to engage in reading for comprehension. No one said that because one jerk had purple hair, then everyone who looks unusual is a jerk. You are either missing the point or choosing to ignore it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I still don’t understand what you are doing that is so weird.

Lots of women don’t like mainstream girly things. Lots prefer the company of men. I just don’t think of this as weird at all.

Can you give specifics?

What?

Really? Can you let me know how many boys weekends you know about that invite the one girl like me?

I’m sure the wives would love that.

What is it you wanna do on boys’ weekends? Those vary too you know. Some might want to drink beer and play golf. Others are into stuff like chess. Still others might be into hiking and white weather rafting.

Oh and there are women who do all these things too.

I have no idea why you think you are unusual. Find your people. I don’t do manicures or wine and cheese gossip. I love to climb. So I made a whole group of friends of all ages and sexes at the climbing gym.

It doesn’t exist and you’re silly to think it does.

I hike, raft, kayak, golf, rock climb … but no there are not tons of women doing those things.

If you poll women .. what did you binge watch this weekend the large majority are not saying football.

You want to pretend there are not gender norms but there are.

Also wives generally are insecure about h’s hanging with a woman. It’s a fact and you not liking it or not being that way doesn’t change it.

[Anonymous]

NP here and I am also struggling to understand what we mean by "weird" here.

I have unusual and specific interests/hobbies but I don't think anyone would describe me as weird and I don't feel isolated.

I do consider myself introverted somewhat but also don't think of that as weird. I did for awhile as a teenager, though, before I knew more about different personality types. And I can feel awkward sometimes in certain social situations. Is that what we are talking about?

[Anonymous]

I hate to say it OP, but I think most people are ok with weird unless it is also annoying - maybe focus on tamping down the aspects of your weirdness that likely grate on others. In my case, I’m weird and I think I bore people, which also turns people off.

[Anonymous]

What makes you weird, OP?