People tell me being weird is a great thing, but I find it isolating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it, OP. I am a female farmer so most of my friends are male. I regularly do things that most women would be squeamish about. I shot a rabid raccoon yesterday, perfect kill shot. I have a tractor and drive a truck. I don’t like to talk about sports, but I can read a soil test in seconds and can tell you the bloodlines of every horse I bred, back 4 generations.

You can’t go on guys’ weekends once you are past early 20s. Too many of the guys have wives or girlfriends. What you can do is have cookouts and invite the SOs.

They’ll pair off and you can be with the guy group. Once they see you in person not flirting on the regular, they’ll be fine with you.

But if you do come on as forward, they will absolutely ditch you, so be careful if you are actually a Pick Me type.

OP here. Sorry, work got busy. This is the kind of thing I really relate to - my interests aren't stereotypically female, but they're not male, either. I just do (or did) what I enjoy. Used to drag race! But people accused me of being a pick me, and the women I wanted to be friends with thought it was weird.

Or, another example, I don't follow pop culture. I don't feel the need - my life is interesting enough, and celebrities bore me. But it makes it hard to have light conversations, and when I try to catch up on it just to have the knowledge, I find I don't care. Like, really don't care. I can't even sit through an episode of...whatever.

NP - I do what I enjoy, too. I also don't follow pop culture and I know what you mean about that making it hard in some cases. I've gotten good at sitting quietly on the side and ignoring the "why aren't you joining in?!" entreaties.

That said, I have plenty of women friends and several deep friendships with women that I cherish. I'm super picky about my friends and generally don't engage in superficial relationships, at least ones organized around gossip or drinking or whatever. I'll happily chat with, say, the other swim parent volunteers, but a large girls night of watching the Kardashians or whomever? Hard pass. I love Star Trek and can discuss it endlessly - that seems to be mostly a guy thing, at least IME.

So, I understand feeling socially isolated at times - but that's different, to me, than preferring male company. I get along well with men in ways that are different from how most women hang out, but I've also found women with whom I can be myself. Not finding *any* women with whom you can connect suggests something else beyond hobby preferences and disinterest in pop culture. I can't stand most "girls weekends," would likely have more fun on a "guys weekend," but... I don't know. Not loving "girl" hangouts doesn't preclude having close women friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it, OP. I am a female farmer so most of my friends are male. I regularly do things that most women would be squeamish about. I shot a rabid raccoon yesterday, perfect kill shot. I have a tractor and drive a truck. I don’t like to talk about sports, but I can read a soil test in seconds and can tell you the bloodlines of every horse I bred, back 4 generations.

You can’t go on guys’ weekends once you are past early 20s. Too many of the guys have wives or girlfriends. What you can do is have cookouts and invite the SOs.

They’ll pair off and you can be with the guy group. Once they see you in person not flirting on the regular, they’ll be fine with you.

But if you do come on as forward, they will absolutely ditch you, so be careful if you are actually a Pick Me type.

OP here. Sorry, work got busy. This is the kind of thing I really relate to - my interests aren't stereotypically female, but they're not male, either. I just do (or did) what I enjoy. Used to drag race! But people accused me of being a pick me, and the women I wanted to be friends with thought it was weird.

Or, another example, I don't follow pop culture. I don't feel the need - my life is interesting enough, and celebrities bore me. But it makes it hard to have light conversations, and when I try to catch up on it just to have the knowledge, I find I don't care. Like, really don't care. I can't even sit through an episode of...whatever.

Farmer here. You have to be careful about appearing like a “pick me.” It’s unfortunate but true.

I don’t care about pop culture either. That’s why my guy pals’ SOs come to my cookouts but are happy to let me chat with the guys…I can find a way to make every pop culture convo turn back to farming. They want to talk about farming even less than I want to talk about pop culture!

I am also careful to dress like a frump and let my hair air dry, limited makeup if any. Be non-threatening. Make them KNOW you aren’t interested in their men sexually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I still don’t understand what you are doing that is so weird.

Lots of women don’t like mainstream girly things. Lots prefer the company of men. I just don’t think of this as weird at all.

Can you give specifics?

What?

Really? Can you let me know how many boys weekends you know about that invite the one girl like me?

I’m sure the wives would love that.

My guy friends don’t do boy weekends, but we regularly get together for drinks. No wives, just us.

So the answer is you’ve never heard of a girl going on boys weekend and you’ve never heard of a boy going on girls weekends

Exactly.

The answer is we do neither.

[Anonymous]

I think “pick me” vibes are basically when you put down women/“womanish” things in favor of men and manly things. If you genuinely like football and Fortnite (or whatever the generic shooting video game is) that’s fine, but starting to be like “ugh, I hate when women do xxxx” or “I’m into sports, I don’t do girly stuff” or “men are just so much cooler than women.”

Also, by “weird” I really thought you were talking more about the oddball types who are always a little too loud and/or saying something random that most people don’t get and/or get really deep into a partial subgenre of manga and/or write erotic fanfic. Not “I’m into guy stuff and women don’t like that.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think “pick me” vibes are basically when you put down women/“womanish” things in favor of men and manly things. If you genuinely like football and Fortnite (or whatever the generic shooting video game is) that’s fine, but starting to be like “ugh, I hate when women do xxxx” or “I’m into sports, I don’t do girly stuff” or “men are just so much cooler than women.”

Also, by “weird” I really thought you were talking more about the oddball types who are always a little too loud and/or saying something random that most people don’t get and/or get really deep into a partial subgenre of manga and/or write erotic fanfic. Not “I’m into guy stuff and women don’t like that.”

Totally, I also thought they were saying they were an oddball in a genuinely weird or interesting way.

If you want to watch football and don’t enjoy socializing with women, are you able to make friends with men or are they also put off by you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it, OP. I am a female farmer so most of my friends are male. I regularly do things that most women would be squeamish about. I shot a rabid raccoon yesterday, perfect kill shot. I have a tractor and drive a truck. I don’t like to talk about sports, but I can read a soil test in seconds and can tell you the bloodlines of every horse I bred, back 4 generations.

You can’t go on guys’ weekends once you are past early 20s. Too many of the guys have wives or girlfriends. What you can do is have cookouts and invite the SOs.

They’ll pair off and you can be with the guy group. Once they see you in person not flirting on the regular, they’ll be fine with you.

But if you do come on as forward, they will absolutely ditch you, so be careful if you are actually a Pick Me type.

There’s a farmer on DCUM? I love it.

I'm another farmer on DCUM. We exist!

[Anonymous]

People mean weird and hot

You forgot the hot part

Not just weird

Always remember the rules:

1. Be attractive

2. Don’t be unattractive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm actually teaching my kids the opposite. It's important to form connections with people, and fitting in is part of that. Good manners are ways to make other people feel comfortable. Societal norms are how we avoid anarchy. Flouting this is not a good thing.

If you have a disability such as autism, then people should make allowances for that. There are also resources to help you. You could join groups for people with autism and form connections.

Bucking society at large is generally some form of disability/mental illness. You can also do some odd things privately, as long as there's no moral or legal issue at hand. You don't need to broadcast every part of your life. But if you're running into frequent problems, then you need professional help. You'll likely be much happier once you get your diagnosis and get help for how to manage it.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Isolation is terrible. I hope it gets better for you.

Ludicrous. For one thing: there would never have been a civil rights movement, a gay-rights movement, any social advancement with that kind of judgmental, cruel, ignorant mentality.

Or pretty much any advancement or innovation. Basic, risk averse people just aren’t capable of those things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it, OP. I am a female farmer so most of my friends are male. I regularly do things that most women would be squeamish about. I shot a rabid raccoon yesterday, perfect kill shot. I have a tractor and drive a truck. I don’t like to talk about sports, but I can read a soil test in seconds and can tell you the bloodlines of every horse I bred, back 4 generations.

You can’t go on guys’ weekends once you are past early 20s. Too many of the guys have wives or girlfriends. What you can do is have cookouts and invite the SOs.

They’ll pair off and you can be with the guy group. Once they see you in person not flirting on the regular, they’ll be fine with you.

But if you do come on as forward, they will absolutely ditch you, so be careful if you are actually a Pick Me type.

There’s a farmer on DCUM? I love it.

I'm another farmer on DCUM. We exist!

You two should do an AMA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think “pick me” vibes are basically when you put down women/“womanish” things in favor of men and manly things. If you genuinely like football and Fortnite (or whatever the generic shooting video game is) that’s fine, but starting to be like “ugh, I hate when women do xxxx” or “I’m into sports, I don’t do girly stuff” or “men are just so much cooler than women.”

Also, by “weird” I really thought you were talking more about the oddball types who are always a little too loud and/or saying something random that most people don’t get and/or get really deep into a partial subgenre of manga and/or write erotic fanfic. Not “I’m into guy stuff and women don’t like that.”

Totally, I also thought they were saying they were an oddball in a genuinely weird or interesting way.

If you want to watch football and don’t enjoy socializing with women, are you able to make friends with men or are they also put off by you?

I think you’re confused by not enjoying women interaction with not being liked. I’m liked and I’m often invited to things.

I am going on girls weekend this weekend, I’m throwing the bridal shower for my neighbor, I flew out of town help my SIL pick a venue for a rehearsal dinner, people at work love me and want to work on my team.

I’m still friends with my college roommate (we see each other 4x a year) and I still have friends from grade school/HS… I did a cross country trip with one this summer.

I have a high EQ I get along with people but I don’t feel connected with women even though they feel connected with me.

I’ve figured out how to deal with it…. But I still don’t like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm actually teaching my kids the opposite. It's important to form connections with people, and fitting in is part of that. Good manners are ways to make other people feel comfortable. Societal norms are how we avoid anarchy. Flouting this is not a good thing.

If you have a disability such as autism, then people should make allowances for that. There are also resources to help you. You could join groups for people with autism and form connections.

Bucking society at large is generally some form of disability/mental illness. You can also do some odd things privately, as long as there's no moral or legal issue at hand. You don't need to broadcast every part of your life. But if you're running into frequent problems, then you need professional help. You'll likely be much happier once you get your diagnosis and get help for how to manage it.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Isolation is terrible. I hope it gets better for you.

I do not intentionally flout social norms, and I find it offensive you would accuse me of such. I try very hard to fit in.

I do not have autism. Yes, I've been screened. I just...want to be basic, want to be like the moms I meet, and can't figure out how.

My apologies for the confusion. I meant that the people saying that being weird is great are glorifying flouting social norms. However - intentionally or not, it sounds like you're violating some norms.

Start with your primary care physician and share what's going on. The PCP should be able to direct to to the correct specialists to help. Good luck.

I think this poster is weird. Like creepy weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think “pick me” vibes are basically when you put down women/“womanish” things in favor of men and manly things. If you genuinely like football and Fortnite (or whatever the generic shooting video game is) that’s fine, but starting to be like “ugh, I hate when women do xxxx” or “I’m into sports, I don’t do girly stuff” or “men are just so much cooler than women.”

Also, by “weird” I really thought you were talking more about the oddball types who are always a little too loud and/or saying something random that most people don’t get and/or get really deep into a partial subgenre of manga and/or write erotic fanfic. Not “I’m into guy stuff and women don’t like that.”

Totally, I also thought they were saying they were an oddball in a genuinely weird or interesting way.

If you want to watch football and don’t enjoy socializing with women, are you able to make friends with men or are they also put off by you?

I think you’re confused by not enjoying women interaction with not being liked. I’m liked and I’m often invited to things.

I am going on girls weekend this weekend, I’m throwing the bridal shower for my neighbor, I flew out of town help my SIL pick a venue for a rehearsal dinner, people at work love me and want to work on my team.

I’m still friends with my college roommate (we see each other 4x a year) and I still have friends from grade school/HS… I did a cross country trip with one this summer.

I have a high EQ I get along with people but I don’t feel connected with women even though they feel connected with me.

I’ve figured out how to deal with it…. But I still don’t like it.

Why are you putting so much effort into relationships with people you don’t feel connected to? Why are you pursuing relationships with women you don’t enjoy spending time with instead of seeking out male friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm actually teaching my kids the opposite. It's important to form connections with people, and fitting in is part of that. Good manners are ways to make other people feel comfortable. Societal norms are how we avoid anarchy. Flouting this is not a good thing.

If you have a disability such as autism, then people should make allowances for that. There are also resources to help you. You could join groups for people with autism and form connections.

Bucking society at large is generally some form of disability/mental illness. You can also do some odd things privately, as long as there's no moral or legal issue at hand. You don't need to broadcast every part of your life. But if you're running into frequent problems, then you need professional help. You'll likely be much happier once you get your diagnosis and get help for how to manage it.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Isolation is terrible. I hope it gets better for you.

Ludicrous. For one thing: there would never have been a civil rights movement, a gay-rights movement, any social advancement with that kind of judgmental, cruel, ignorant mentality.

Or pretty much any advancement or innovation. Basic, risk averse people just aren’t capable of those things.

We're talking about an OP who is friendless and feels completely isolated from society. This is very different from being an entrepreneur or civil rights advocate. OP needs help, not people telling her everything is fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm actually teaching my kids the opposite. It's important to form connections with people, and fitting in is part of that. Good manners are ways to make other people feel comfortable. Societal norms are how we avoid anarchy. Flouting this is not a good thing.

If you have a disability such as autism, then people should make allowances for that. There are also resources to help you. You could join groups for people with autism and form connections.

Bucking society at large is generally some form of disability/mental illness. You can also do some odd things privately, as long as there's no moral or legal issue at hand. You don't need to broadcast every part of your life. But if you're running into frequent problems, then you need professional help. You'll likely be much happier once you get your diagnosis and get help for how to manage it.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Isolation is terrible. I hope it gets better for you.

I do not intentionally flout social norms, and I find it offensive you would accuse me of such. I try very hard to fit in.

I do not have autism. Yes, I've been screened. I just...want to be basic, want to be like the moms I meet, and can't figure out how.

What about you is odd? You don’t come across as weird in your writing; you express yourself very well. When I perceive someone as “weird”, it’s usually because they’re on a different wavelength and perhaps lack boundaries or have an odd way of expressing themselves or seeing the world - but they rarely are as self-reflective and open/expressive as you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm actually teaching my kids the opposite. It's important to form connections with people, and fitting in is part of that. Good manners are ways to make other people feel comfortable. Societal norms are how we avoid anarchy. Flouting this is not a good thing.

If you have a disability such as autism, then people should make allowances for that. There are also resources to help you. You could join groups for people with autism and form connections.

Bucking society at large is generally some form of disability/mental illness. You can also do some odd things privately, as long as there's no moral or legal issue at hand. You don't need to broadcast every part of your life. But if you're running into frequent problems, then you need professional help. You'll likely be much happier once you get your diagnosis and get help for how to manage it.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Isolation is terrible. I hope it gets better for you.

I do not intentionally flout social norms, and I find it offensive you would accuse me of such. I try very hard to fit in.

I do not have autism. Yes, I've been screened. I just...want to be basic, want to be like the moms I meet, and can't figure out how.

My apologies for the confusion. I meant that the people saying that being weird is great are glorifying flouting social norms. However - intentionally or not, it sounds like you're violating some norms.

Start with your primary care physician and share what's going on. The PCP should be able to direct to to the correct specialists to help. Good luck.

I think this poster is weird. Like creepy weird.

+1