People tell me being weird is a great thing, but I find it isolating

[Anonymous]

I am weird but I do not present that way initially based on general appearance (I guess I am "pretty" and dress well, for example). But once people get to know me, I experience the same thing of people shying away from me. It is very lonely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there's a nuance between being weird and being quirky. Being weird is licking the wall. Being quirky is noticing the color of the wall and connecting it to the color of some other random thing you saw recently, or the color reminding you of a song, etc.

I'm quirky in that I don't feel the need to do things just because "that's what is usually done." So, I had ravioli for breakfast today. Because why not? I buy kids bandaids rather than plain ones, because they make me super happy. I have dozens of things like that. But I can still say hi to you when we run into each other and ask what your kids are dressing as for Halloween and pet your dog all normally.

I hate the word quirky, but then I’m weird. Weird is awesome, quirky is Zooey Deschanel on The New Girl.

Oh, I think of her as Manic Pixie Dream Girl. Quirky for the sake of being VIEWED as quirky/interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am weird but I do not present that way initially based on general appearance (I guess I am "pretty" and dress well, for example). But once people get to know me, I experience the same thing of people shying away from me. It is very lonely.

This, in some ways I think it would be better if I didn't look so normal because I think I tend to attract people who are conformist (I think I look pleasant and non-threatening) and this is the sort of person who is most scared off when you turn out to be unusual in any way.

What's funny is that I think often people who look overtly weird or different are often actually pretty middle of the road. I've had this experience, too, where I've made friends with people who come off as very nonconformist in their appearance but then they'll be like, "I think you're weird." If you've never been rejected by someone with purple hair and facial piercings who is an aerial yoga instructor or a tattoo artist for being "too different," well then, you're lucky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm actually teaching my kids the opposite. It's important to form connections with people, and fitting in is part of that. Good manners are ways to make other people feel comfortable. Societal norms are how we avoid anarchy. Flouting this is not a good thing.

If you have a disability such as autism, then people should make allowances for that. There are also resources to help you. You could join groups for people with autism and form connections.

Bucking society at large is generally some form of disability/mental illness. You can also do some odd things privately, as long as there's no moral or legal issue at hand. You don't need to broadcast every part of your life. But if you're running into frequent problems, then you need professional help. You'll likely be much happier once you get your diagnosis and get help for how to manage it.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Isolation is terrible. I hope it gets better for you.

I do not intentionally flout social norms, and I find it offensive you would accuse me of such. I try very hard to fit in.

I do not have autism. Yes, I've been screened. I just...want to be basic, want to be like the moms I meet, and can't figure out how.

My apologies for the confusion. I meant that the people saying that being weird is great are glorifying flouting social norms. However - intentionally or not, it sounds like you're violating some norms.

Start with your primary care physician and share what's going on. The PCP should be able to direct to to the correct specialists to help. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Wtf do you mean by weird?

Its a broad word/

[Anonymous]

Are you a harmless weird or do you come off as you scary?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am weird but I do not present that way initially based on general appearance (I guess I am "pretty" and dress well, for example). But once people get to know me, I experience the same thing of people shying away from me. It is very lonely.

This, in some ways I think it would be better if I didn't look so normal because I think I tend to attract people who are conformist (I think I look pleasant and non-threatening) and this is the sort of person who is most scared off when you turn out to be unusual in any way.

What's funny is that I think often people who look overtly weird or different are often actually pretty middle of the road. I've had this experience, too, where I've made friends with people who come off as very nonconformist in their appearance but then they'll be like, "I think you're weird." If you've never been rejected by someone with purple hair and facial piercings who is an aerial yoga instructor or a tattoo artist for being "too different," well then, you're lucky.

Yeah, the people who are so immature that they need to show the world they're rebels aren't the ones to look to for kindness. These fringe groups can be brutal.

[Anonymous]

https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/141645-heard-joke-once-man-goes-to-doctor-says-he-s-depressed

Weird is fun for a minute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am weird but I do not present that way initially based on general appearance (I guess I am "pretty" and dress well, for example). But once people get to know me, I experience the same thing of people shying away from me. It is very lonely.

This, in some ways I think it would be better if I didn't look so normal because I think I tend to attract people who are conformist (I think I look pleasant and non-threatening) and this is the sort of person who is most scared off when you turn out to be unusual in any way.

What's funny is that I think often people who look overtly weird or different are often actually pretty middle of the road. I've had this experience, too, where I've made friends with people who come off as very nonconformist in their appearance but then they'll be like, "I think you're weird." If you've never been rejected by someone with purple hair and facial piercings who is an aerial yoga instructor or a tattoo artist for being "too different," well then, you're lucky.

Yeah, the people who are so immature that they need to show the world they're rebels aren't the ones to look to for kindness. These fringe groups can be brutal.

Yep, I'm the exact opposite - I dress super normal and boring but then have a lot of crazy ideas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/141645-heard-joke-once-man-goes-to-doctor-says-he-s-depressed

Weird is fun for a minute.

Fame is fun for a minute

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a super weirdo but I look very normal. Actually better than normal so everyone likes me. It's really sad how much physical attractiveness makes others want to be friends with you. Once they're already my friends, then they realize I'm a freak and by then it's too late!

Can you get a glow up and see if you're less lonely?

Interesting. I'm finally get a grasp on what normal women do (Botox, waxing, hair color, etc), but I'm still heavily obese, so it hasn't helped. Struggling to lose weight, but mabe that would get me there.

Are you OP?
Being obese is more of a turnoff than "weird", unless you are extremely cheerful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am weird but I do not present that way initially based on general appearance (I guess I am "pretty" and dress well, for example). But once people get to know me, I experience the same thing of people shying away from me. It is very lonely.

This, in some ways I think it would be better if I didn't look so normal because I think I tend to attract people who are conformist (I think I look pleasant and non-threatening) and this is the sort of person who is most scared off when you turn out to be unusual in any way.

What's funny is that I think often people who look overtly weird or different are often actually pretty middle of the road. I've had this experience, too, where I've made friends with people who come off as very nonconformist in their appearance but then they'll be like, "I think you're weird." If you've never been rejected by someone with purple hair and facial piercings who is an aerial yoga instructor or a tattoo artist for being "too different," well then, you're lucky.

I feel this! I also have been rejected by people who consider themselves weird because I pass as normal on casual interaction which is always disheartening. I’m constantly stuck between wanting to pass better for ordinary (so I make casual friends with moms at the playground and people at hobbies) and trumpeting my weirdness more aggressively (so I can expand my circle of friends who share my specific interests and different way of wanting to interact with the world).

[Anonymous]

I'm weird in the sense that I'm a woman but I don't really enjoy hanging out with women. I don't like what women like and I don't enjoy womenish things.

I also sadly found out in my 20's that hanging with the "boys" was not socially acceptable. So I'm sort of stuck hanging out with women and I can't really relate to most of them.

I've always felt this way that I really just didn't like or relate to girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm actually teaching my kids the opposite. It's important to form connections with people, and fitting in is part of that. Good manners are ways to make other people feel comfortable. Societal norms are how we avoid anarchy. Flouting this is not a good thing.

If you have a disability such as autism, then people should make allowances for that. There are also resources to help you. You could join groups for people with autism and form connections.

Bucking society at large is generally some form of disability/mental illness. You can also do some odd things privately, as long as there's no moral or legal issue at hand. You don't need to broadcast every part of your life. But if you're running into frequent problems, then you need professional help. You'll likely be much happier once you get your diagnosis and get help for how to manage it.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Isolation is terrible. I hope it gets better for you.

I do not intentionally flout social norms, and I find it offensive you would accuse me of such. I try very hard to fit in.

I do not have autism. Yes, I've been screened. I just...want to be basic, want to be like the moms I meet, and can't figure out how.

My apologies for the confusion. I meant that the people saying that being weird is great are glorifying flouting social norms. However - intentionally or not, it sounds like you're violating some norms.

Start with your primary care physician and share what's going on. The PCP should be able to direct to to the correct specialists to help. Good luck.

NP. Kindly, shut the f*** up.

I’m glad that you’re fine being boring and unimaginative, and coaching your children to be the same, but PP doesn’t need to consult her physician about being outside the norm. I assume you’re an older person from a restrictive culture.

Other PP, being outside the norm is what drives innovation and creativity around the world. Don’t define your worth by some braindead basic B’s reaction to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am weird but I do not present that way initially based on general appearance (I guess I am "pretty" and dress well, for example). But once people get to know me, I experience the same thing of people shying away from me. It is very lonely.

This, in some ways I think it would be better if I didn't look so normal because I think I tend to attract people who are conformist (I think I look pleasant and non-threatening) and this is the sort of person who is most scared off when you turn out to be unusual in any way.

What's funny is that I think often people who look overtly weird or different are often actually pretty middle of the road. I've had this experience, too, where I've made friends with people who come off as very nonconformist in their appearance but then they'll be like, "I think you're weird." If you've never been rejected by someone with purple hair and facial piercings who is an aerial yoga instructor or a tattoo artist for being "too different," well then, you're lucky.

Yeah, the people who are so immature that they need to show the world they're rebels aren't the ones to look to for kindness. These fringe groups can be brutal.

You’re not good at critical thinking.