"redshirting" - holding kids back a year just to gain an advantage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our school cutoff is September 30 and our daughter has an October birthday so we didn’t technically redshirt but complied with the policy and had her be one of the oldest in kindergarten. Many other parents with fall birthday kids petitioned to have their kids go ahead because they were all so very smart and reading Harry Potter at 5. We doubted ourselves at the time but now she’s in 8th grade and it is so much better academically, socially, and athletically to be among the older ones. I’m really glad she didn’t go ahead.

Same. We’re in Fairfax Co where cut off is 9/30 and our DD with Oct birthday went on time. So she wasn’t redshirted but worked out that way due to her birthday falling much earlier than most kids in her class. In elementary, she was accepted into Advanced Academic Program (AAP), and in middle school she took high school level Algebra 1 and Geometry class. This year, she is a freshman in high school and doing well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do get your child around for an extra year. Some parents crave this

Most parents check out by MS, and if not by HS so it really makes no sense.

I suppose this is in keeping with the parenting values of anti-redshirt posters, and so they assume everyone hates their own kids like they do.

No, it's the reality of life. I saw it a lot in MS where the very involved parents started to check out. Now that we are in HS I'm amazed at how little parenting there was. One parent was trying to convince me to let my Freshman ride with the older kids in a van to sports practices... hmmm.. what could go wrong with a bunch of 17-18 year olds and a few 14 year olds. She wasn't worried at all at 6 AM what could happen.

I’m not checked out but I let my kids ride in a van or bus with other kids to practices. Isn’t this what we all did in the 80s and 90s? I remember doing this as a freshman and made good friends with a senior who ended up going to Harvard and being a great influence and lifelong friend. This is the type of socialization I encourage for my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do get your child around for an extra year. Some parents crave this

Most parents check out by MS, and if not by HS so it really makes no sense.

I suppose this is in keeping with the parenting values of anti-redshirt posters, and so they assume everyone hates their own kids like they do.

No, it's the reality of life. I saw it a lot in MS where the very involved parents started to check out. Now that we are in HS I'm amazed at how little parenting there was. One parent was trying to convince me to let my Freshman ride with the older kids in a van to sports practices... hmmm.. what could go wrong with a bunch of 17-18 year olds and a few 14 year olds. She wasn't worried at all at 6 AM what could happen.

I’m not checked out but I let my kids ride in a van or bus with other kids to practices. Isn’t this what we all did in the 80s and 90s? I remember doing this as a freshman and made good friends with a senior who ended up going to Harvard and being a great influence and lifelong friend. This is the type of socialization I encourage for my kids.

Teenagers riding in a van together to a practice is normal and age appropriate. Those who are being driven by mom separately in their rear facing car seat because mom is such a very involved parent she can’t let a 14 year old interact with a 17 year old are not going to be ready for any normal social interactions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our school cutoff is September 30 and our daughter has an October birthday so we didn’t technically redshirt but complied with the policy and had her be one of the oldest in kindergarten. Many other parents with fall birthday kids petitioned to have their kids go ahead because they were all so very smart and reading Harry Potter at 5. We doubted ourselves at the time but now she’s in 8th grade and it is so much better academically, socially, and athletically to be among the older ones. I’m really glad she didn’t go ahead.

Same. We’re in Fairfax Co where cut off is 9/30 and our DD with Oct birthday went on time. So she wasn’t redshirted but worked out that way due to her birthday falling much earlier than most kids in her class. In elementary, she was accepted into Advanced Academic Program (AAP), and in middle school she took high school level Algebra 1 and Geometry class. This year, she is a freshman in high school and doing well.

If she had a different birthday what would have been different? We did private as we missed the cut off and ours technically went early. Only difference is ours does pre-cal as a freshman, so went early and in advanced math. There is a huge difference between the cut off issue where some areas allow for flexibility and others don't (ours you can either test in but our school would not allow test in or you can go private and switch after 2nd) and deliberately holding your child back a year with a March-August birthday.

For all the drama people make over high school, I cannot imagine my child being a grade younger. And, in HS the bigger issue is in classes activities they mix from Freshman to Seniors so you pretty much have 14-19 year olds in both classes and activities, and having a 14 year old with an 18-19 year old has its issues but that happens regardless. My child is only one of a few freshman in several classes. But, them being a year older would not help that as then they would not be in the proper academics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do get your child around for an extra year. Some parents crave this

Most parents check out by MS, and if not by HS so it really makes no sense.

I suppose this is in keeping with the parenting values of anti-redshirt posters, and so they assume everyone hates their own kids like they do.

No, it's the reality of life. I saw it a lot in MS where the very involved parents started to check out. Now that we are in HS I'm amazed at how little parenting there was. One parent was trying to convince me to let my Freshman ride with the older kids in a van to sports practices... hmmm.. what could go wrong with a bunch of 17-18 year olds and a few 14 year olds. She wasn't worried at all at 6 AM what could happen.

I’m not checked out but I let my kids ride in a van or bus with other kids to practices. Isn’t this what we all did in the 80s and 90s? I remember doing this as a freshman and made good friends with a senior who ended up going to Harvard and being a great influence and lifelong friend. This is the type of socialization I encourage for my kids.

Teenagers riding in a van together to a practice is normal and age appropriate. Those who are being driven by mom separately in their rear facing car seat because mom is such a very involved parent she can’t let a 14 year old interact with a 17 year old are not going to be ready for any normal social interactions.

No, it's not appropriate and there have been several serious accidents and fatalities in this area due to it. This is why people like you need to hold your kids back. Come HS you cannot be bothered driving and want them to be as independent as possible so by making them older, you can pretend they are more mature when they are less mature and then put them in situations they should not be in. The drugs, alcohol and other things are pretty bad and only getting worse. You really want your 14 year old with a bunch of held back 18 year olds who are bored and rebelling as their peers and roll models.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Careful, you just entered a DCUM war zone. Prepare for the wave of parents who say they are doing what's best for their kids, completely ignoring that redshirting inevitably puts younger kids at a disadvantage. Holding your kid back, no matter how "shy" or "immature" he or she is, will always, always skew a class demographic.

I wish private schools would set a cut off and stick with it, but that would piss off too many monied families who don't want their kid to be on the younger side. Make April or May cut offs, I don't care, but let it be a real thing and stop creating grades that span 18+ months.

This has never caused a problem for us.... I just ignore the age differences and take each kid as they are. It has never affected my children's education. I'm not sports focused, so it could affect that...but whatever.... You seems overly invested in this PP.

[Anonymous]

OP - I have seen some people do this in middle school. Transitioning to a different school but repeating a grade. Maturity plays a large role in this, I believe sports did too but the student really didn't turn out to be a recruited athlete so I'll chalk it more up to maturity. Also, it wasn't as if the student outperformed others (or even kept pace with the high performers) when repeating the grade...so it seems like it wasn't a bad academic choice. I do think, however, the child was more precocious by 8th - getting into "deeper" trouble than others. (so still immature in some ways but getting into troubles more in line with "older kids")

[Anonymous]

I have two summer bday "redshirted" boys. They were TKed for different, but what felt to be very significant, reasons at the time. I paid 0 attention to how old their peers were and as they aged there was only 1 year, with 1 kid, where I was worried it might have been a mistake, but the following year it was all fine again.

I can't imagine many parents are TKing their 4-5 year olds planning for any sort of an "advantage" in the future, and if they are there are likely a lot of other problems going on in that parenting mindset.

That said, I have met a handful of redshirted 8th graders who changed schools and were absolutely hoping for a sport advantage, and now that I have college-aged kids I know there are quite a few who go to boarding school for a 13th year as another layer of redshirting before college. With covid extending eligibility for that cohort of college students it does create a backlog of kids who want to be recruited.

[Anonymous]

To answer your actual question, I think it’s easiest to do this at the beginning (start K later) or when/if you switch schools. Most kids are not going to want to ‘redo’ a grade” given social dynamics.

We held a very late august kid and cut off is 9/1 for many privates - so really only a couple days. She’s not the oldest in the grade as many summer birthdays were held. We started this in K.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Careful, you just entered a DCUM war zone. Prepare for the wave of parents who say they are doing what's best for their kids, completely ignoring that redshirting inevitably puts younger kids at a disadvantage. Holding your kid back, no matter how "shy" or "immature" he or she is, will always, always skew a class demographic.

I wish private schools would set a cut off and stick with it, but that would piss off too many monied families who don't want their kid to be on the younger side. Make April or May cut offs, I don't care, but let it be a real thing and stop creating grades that span 18+ months.

Are you a private school parent in DC?

Because many/most kids with summer birthdays are pretty much forced to redshirt for DC privates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do get your child around for an extra year. Some parents crave this

Most parents check out by MS, and if not by HS so it really makes no sense.

I suppose this is in keeping with the parenting values of anti-redshirt posters, and so they assume everyone hates their own kids like they do.

No, it's the reality of life. I saw it a lot in MS where the very involved parents started to check out. Now that we are in HS I'm amazed at how little parenting there was. One parent was trying to convince me to let my Freshman ride with the older kids in a van to sports practices... hmmm.. what could go wrong with a bunch of 17-18 year olds and a few 14 year olds. She wasn't worried at all at 6 AM what could happen.

I’m not checked out but I let my kids ride in a van or bus with other kids to practices. Isn’t this what we all did in the 80s and 90s? I remember doing this as a freshman and made good friends with a senior who ended up going to Harvard and being a great influence and lifelong friend. This is the type of socialization I encourage for my kids.

Teenagers riding in a van together to a practice is normal and age appropriate. Those who are being driven by mom separately in their rear facing car seat because mom is such a very involved parent she can’t let a 14 year old interact with a 17 year old are not going to be ready for any normal social interactions.

No, it's not appropriate and there have been several serious accidents and fatalities in this area due to it. This is why people like you need to hold your kids back. Come HS you cannot be bothered driving and want them to be as independent as possible so by making them older, you can pretend they are more mature when they are less mature and then put them in situations they should not be in. The drugs, alcohol and other things are pretty bad and only getting worse. You really want your 14 year old with a bunch of held back 18 year olds who are bored and rebelling as their peers and roll models.

I can be bothered driving my kids alone but it’s really silly to see the entire team on the bus and one 14 year old alone with mom who clearly has serious anxiety and control issues. I also let my kids take the metro alone starting at age 11, they are now independent teenagers who have a lot of confidence in new places. I feel bad for the kids who get to college and have no idea how to navigate without mom there.

[Anonymous]

You guys do understand that you don’t have to send your kids to private school, right? And that private schools can set the admissions policies they would like? Right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do get your child around for an extra year. Some parents crave this

Most parents check out by MS, and if not by HS so it really makes no sense.

I suppose this is in keeping with the parenting values of anti-redshirt posters, and so they assume everyone hates their own kids like they do.

No, it's the reality of life. I saw it a lot in MS where the very involved parents started to check out. Now that we are in HS I'm amazed at how little parenting there was. One parent was trying to convince me to let my Freshman ride with the older kids in a van to sports practices... hmmm.. what could go wrong with a bunch of 17-18 year olds and a few 14 year olds. She wasn't worried at all at 6 AM what could happen.

Umm this is normal. YOU are weird and probably over parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of nutcases posting here. Worry about your own kids. The cutoffs are arbitrary.

The issue is when the younger kids are called immature or other things by teachers who are not being developmentally appropriate in their beliefs and don’t get it’s the older kids who have the maturity issues. Parents hold back for immature behavior or what they think is, then compare their older kids to younger kids and then say they are more mature when they aren’t.

Absolutely. Holding kids back because it's "what's best for them" puts other kids at a disadvantage. I blame the schools for not enforcing this. Someone in Big 3 admissions mentioned that they're accepting March birthdays being held back now. I guess that's fine, but choose a line and stick to it. Otherwise we will eventually end up with seven year old kindergartners who "needed the gift of time "

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of nutcases posting here. Worry about your own kids. The cutoffs are arbitrary.

The issue is when the younger kids are called immature or other things by teachers who are not being developmentally appropriate in their beliefs and don’t get it’s the older kids who have the maturity issues. Parents hold back for immature behavior or what they think is, then compare their older kids to younger kids and then say they are more mature when they aren’t.

Absolutely. Holding kids back because it's "what's best for them" puts other kids at a disadvantage. I blame the schools for not enforcing this. Someone in Big 3 admissions mentioned that they're accepting March birthdays being held back now. I guess that's fine, but choose a line and stick to it. Otherwise we will eventually end up with seven year old kindergartners who "needed the gift of time "

So don’t apply to the school, if you don’t like their admissions policies. Problem solved.