Inviting friend on vacation -- is this obnoxious?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the friend was better would you want them skiing together is it like a father -son special thing and you are using the friend’s skill level as an excuse?

Well, it's father-daughter-son. My oldest is going too. If he was able to go, it would be awkward, because the program is sold out, not because my kid doesn't want him there. But he isn't at a point where he could go. He's a decent skier, but his family doesn't ski as much as ours, so his skills aren't the same.

My kid would ski with him the other 4 days of the trip. It's just those 2 days.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your family skis a lot. I’d invite the friend for a different trip, one where backcountry isn’t part of the equation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a lot of fun. Being upfront is good but not that big a deal if he's a good skier, he'll enjoy skiing with the younger son. Skiing without your BFF is better than not skiing at all. Don't doubt yourself, just ask with the caveat but it doesn't need to be a big deal.

+1

Be upfront and let them decide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you know he doesn’t ski as well as your son?

I think it’s ok to let him know that your son is doing something with his father one day. Skiing is not that difficult. I’m sure he’d be fine to do his own thing or hang with the brother.

It's two days, and it sounds like those days are all day. So a third of the trip, he's hanging out with his friend's brother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm honestly trying to imagine the situation that would require two days away and unless it's a trip into back country, including an early morning skin up ski down situation, I just can't.

So, this other family might also be confused and wonder if it's a weird flex on your part. So, definitely skip the invite.

I'm an excellent skiier and have spent plenty of my life chilling at the bottom of a run waiting for friends to catch up or taking a different run and meeting at the lift. There's a reason you are making something easy hard and I wouldn't subject this other family to whatever it is.

Wow! I only reached that stage as an adult to wait for people at the bottom of a run. All through my childhood and early 20s I skied hard all day. Waiting was not an option; eating was an annoyance that had to occur..... and I lived in ski country. I can't imagine a teen with 1 ski trip per year not wanting to utilize all available ski time for skiing.

Where do you get one ski trip per year? OP says they ski often.

[Anonymous]

That vacation is a bad fit for him. Invite him on the next one. I bet his parents will be relieved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm honestly trying to imagine the situation that would require two days away and unless it's a trip into back country, including an early morning skin up ski down situation, I just can't.

So, this other family might also be confused and wonder if it's a weird flex on your part. So, definitely skip the invite.

I'm an excellent skiier and have spent plenty of my life chilling at the bottom of a run waiting for friends to catch up or taking a different run and meeting at the lift. There's a reason you are making something easy hard and I wouldn't subject this other family to whatever it is.

Wow! I only reached that stage as an adult to wait for people at the bottom of a run. All through my childhood and early 20s I skied hard all day. Waiting was not an option; eating was an annoyance that had to occur..... and I lived in ski country. I can't imagine a teen with 1 ski trip per year not wanting to utilize all available ski time for skiing.

Where do you get one ski trip per year? OP says they ski often.

The friend only skis once per year.

[Anonymous]

Don't invite. My BF in high school went to Aspen every year for Christmas and got to bring a friend. I was never that friend because I wasn't as good of a skier. If you are inviting someone to vacation with you you are saying you want them to be part of all activities, which you do not.

[Anonymous]

You people are way too sensitive. This is not hard.

Have your son talk to the kid (and or you talk to the parents) and say "we're going to (aspen) from 12/26-12/31. We'd love to have you come with us if those dates work. But, on XXX days, I will be with my dad doing XXX so won't be around so you'd have to do your own thing or hang with my brother. Totally udnerstand if you don't want to do that, though. But I figured I'd let you decide what you want to do."

There's not rude about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That vacation is a bad fit for him. Invite him on the next one. I bet his parents will be relieved.

I agree with this. I wouldn't invite a friend along if my kid was going to be gone for 2 days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a lot of fun. Being upfront is good but not that big a deal if he's a good skier, he'll enjoy skiing with the younger son. Skiing without your BFF is better than not skiing at all. Don't doubt yourself, just ask with the caveat but it doesn't need to be a big deal.

+1

Be upfront and let them decide.

I think that’s a good approach. I wouldn’t hide the ball by just saying DS will be unavailable, OP. Tell the parents the situation and they can decide.

[Anonymous]

I think it's fine.

[Anonymous]

For future reference, do not allow your kids to go on vacations with other families. This way you do not feel pressured into reciprocating actions. There are plenty of years for your children to go on vacations with their friends.

[Anonymous]

Don't invite him on the ski trip. You may want to reciprocate immediately, but it would be much more thoughtful to say "the only trip we're taking this year is to ski, but we'd love to invite [friend] on vacation with us next year" when you plan to do something more inclusive (e.g., beach resort, city tour, hiking national parks, theme park)

[Anonymous]

I think that’s fine, but I’d have your son talk to his friend to make sure it’s ok with him. He might enjoy just having chill time in the lodge/cabin on those days. Keep in mind these kids are in high school, it’s weird as hell to me to ask his parents if they are ok with it - he’s well old enough to manage this himself.