Why doesn’t DH’s family support DD’s fundraiser?

[Anonymous]

Maybe relevant? I put my in-laws on our kids' prep school's mailing list/fundraising list just to piss them off because they don't "believe" in private school and make judgmental remarks over our choices/the fact I'm a private school kid too.

So, OP, while I would likely have no issue with your ask...I do understand some people just don't like being involved in fundraisers of this sort. Given they haven't responded to you, I'd drop it.

Or, be petty like me.

[Anonymous]

I hate this stuff.
I will buy GS cookies, other sales items that are something I wouldn’t mind having (see’s chocolate=best fundraiser), and will sometimes support the things where the kids are doing something (readathpn, 5K) but no way am I just giving money to a family member’s kids school.

[Anonymous]

Stop doing that. It is tacky and they judge you for it. Clearly your family taught you nothing.

[Anonymous]

My family is pretty well off. I never ask them to donate to fundraisers for the kids. They are our kids, so we support the fundraisers. My family give the kids gifts for them, not fundraisers for their school, club, organization.

So, when there is a fundraiser, like the scouts popcorn drive, I send a note to my family and tell them I am ordering to help the kids fundraiser and I ask them if they want anything. They tell me what they want, I buy the items and send them to the family (if I can send from on-line I like it best, but if not, I have them all sent to me and I repackage and ship to the family). So the family get items from the fundraiser, to feel like they are supporting the kids, but they don't have to pay, I pay the fundraiser. If we don't want any of the items, I just send a check or electronic payment as a donation to the organization.

I hate those who try to shake down family for kids' activities. You support your kids activities, I'll support mine.

[Anonymous]

What OP's doing is terrible. They don't want to play silly game. Let them be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds so annoying OP. I don’t want to be buying random raffle tickets here and there. I don’t even buy raffle tickets for my own kids’ school. (In case you care, I’m not a free rider and make one large contribution at the beginning of the year to the PTA with the suggested amount).

+1
We have relatives that don’t understand why we won’t buy Girl Scout cookies (bc I end up throwing them out when no one eats them), popcorn, wreaths, etc. I would truly rather just give the kid a donation of x amount where they get the whole amount for a cause than some raffle or purchase where I don’t want the items, it’s a logistical pain and I my a small percentage actually goes back to the charity

[Anonymous]

Your DAUGHTER, not you, should be reaching out to her relatives to ask for donations. I really hate when I get these impersonal emails from my nephew's basketball team asking for money (the one's where he clearly just gave them a bunch of email addresses). It makes me crazy. He is 16 and a great kid - if he came to me and asked me directly I would definitely donate. But this way? Not doing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family is pretty well off. I never ask them to donate to fundraisers for the kids. They are our kids, so we support the fundraisers. My family give the kids gifts for them, not fundraisers for their school, club, organization.

So, when there is a fundraiser, like the scouts popcorn drive, I send a note to my family and tell them I am ordering to help the kids fundraiser and I ask them if they want anything. They tell me what they want, I buy the items and send them to the family (if I can send from on-line I like it best, but if not, I have them all sent to me and I repackage and ship to the family). So the family get items from the fundraiser, to feel like they are supporting the kids, but they don't have to pay, I pay the fundraiser. If we don't want any of the items, I just send a check or electronic payment as a donation to the organization.

I hate those who try to shake down family for kids' activities. You support your kids activities, I'll support mine.

But you are shaking down your family! And why aren't your kids - the scouts that ostensibly can explain why they are selling popcorn to raise money - doing the asking? This is a really important learning opportunity for kids. Maybe I'm scarred because my parents never took my girl scout cookie sheet into their offices, and made me come in to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family is pretty well off. I never ask them to donate to fundraisers for the kids. They are our kids, so we support the fundraisers. My family give the kids gifts for them, not fundraisers for their school, club, organization.

So, when there is a fundraiser, like the scouts popcorn drive, I send a note to my family and tell them I am ordering to help the kids fundraiser and I ask them if they want anything. They tell me what they want, I buy the items and send them to the family (if I can send from on-line I like it best, but if not, I have them all sent to me and I repackage and ship to the family). So the family get items from the fundraiser, to feel like they are supporting the kids, but they don't have to pay, I pay the fundraiser. If we don't want any of the items, I just send a check or electronic payment as a donation to the organization.

I hate those who try to shake down family for kids' activities. You support your kids activities, I'll support mine.

But you are shaking down your family! And why aren't your kids - the scouts that ostensibly can explain why they are selling popcorn to raise money - doing the asking? This is a really important learning opportunity for kids. Maybe I'm scarred because my parents never took my girl scout cookie sheet into their offices, and made me come in to do it.

You misunderstood. This pp writes the check. She's not shaking down anyone, she's giving them fundraiser stuff that she has paid for.

[Anonymous]

I don't mind buying certain goods that help support activities or schools, such as Girl Scout cookies or pies for the band fundraiser, but only if we'll eat them or use them. I'm not buying a raffle tickets.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, I find this so annoying when people hit me up for the "good cause" that is their kid's school or sports team.

Here is my opinion wrt schools:

1) If it's public, PTA fundraising can lead to less equity. I don't support it. I'd rather pay more in taxes and have the funding distributed more equitably. Parents who know they can fundraise their way into funneling personal funds to their kids' schools can be less incentivized to support more funding for schools overall.

2) If your kid goes to some fancy private, no. just no.

I had a friend post repeatedly on FB asking people to contribute to her kid's crew team because it's a "good cause"! Um no, I don't need to contribute to help your kid row crew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD is in 2nd grade and her school has an annual raffle fundraiser. People donate amazing prizes, but tickets are only $5 each and the 5 kids that sell the most tickets won a prices, as does the class that sells the most.

Every year I send an email and text to my extended family and DH’s which includes his parents, two aunts and uncles and his sister. And every year my parents and siblings each spend at least $50 buying tickets.

However, no one in DH’s family has ever bought an single ticket and I can’t understand why. They are all very financially secure so why not support their granddaughter? I made DH ask them the second year and they said they would do it but then never did.

Is this odd that not a single person in his family is willing to contribute just $5?

How many grandkids do they have? Also, you don't get to choose how other people spend their money. Yes, even $5

[Anonymous]

I don’t do raffles unless I just want to give a donation.

We donate generously to the school, but don’t expect anything in return.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate fundraisers that highlight wealth disparities among students. It's really gross to give prizes to kids whose families/friends can afford to donate and I'm surprised you would even participate. Just give directly to the PTA. If I were a grandparent, I'd decline buying a ticket but offer a donation. Elementary aged kids are certsinly old enough to understand why fundraisers that have a financial barrier to participation are just wrong.

Absolutely!

Also, as a kid I really despised having to dun adults for money. The whole thing is just wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t like these fundraisers. Ditto for nieces and nephews hitting us up to support their sports, bands and scout activities. My income is similar to their parent’s income, so I find it ridiculous to be sending checks to them while supporting my own kids activities. I guess my kids could hit up their aunts and uncles, then checks would be passing each other…just seems like a waste.

FYI, it’s not because I’m not charitable. If a niece or nephew had a financial hardship, I would surely help, just as I’m happy to support numerous charities for THOSE IN NEED.

But this is about supporting the school, not just the child. Presumably there are kids in need, at every school, who benefit from the generosity of other families. This is just like all those other charities, for people in need, you claim to support. Do you not agree that supporting education is one of the most important things?

DP here. Fundraising is not the equitable way to raise money for schools. The way to appropriately fund schools is through taxes and other fees. Then elected officials and school system administrators should decide how to allot the funds.

Otherwise, public schools with richer student bodies get more money thru fundraising. Rich parents can think, hey, I will vote for lower taxes and then just donate or fundraise a ton of money to my kids' school.

So the moral thing to do is NOT to donate.