Too much ambition?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm back in the dating scene and recently went on a string of dates with this early 30s man.

We ended up talking about careers, and relative life goals etc. What stuck out was he mentioned that he sees himself running large companies in the future and that's his goal.

Any of you have experience with very ambitious guys like this, are they too much?

By 30's he should be on that path. If he is, he is ambitious. If not then he is delusional. That being said, do you want to build your own career or be a supportive spouse to an ambitious man? Its your choice. Neither choice is good or bad, just personal preference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m an extremely ambitious woman with the same goals. I don’t think this inhibits me in my capacity to be an attuned, attentive wife and mother. It’s all about time management and priorities!

Me too. But I’m the one who said my C Suite male peers don’t seem to be around much for their families.

The women in the C suite have a different vibe. Our bunch is “trying to have it all.” And as studies show, women making more than their husbands are often doing even more household work. Now, myself and my female peers certainly can outsource. But I spent at least 5 hours this week helping my daughter with homework and studying. I’m typing this from the mall while she is trying on clothes. I know all the lines to her play she is in tonight since I’ve run the lines with her. But I doubt my male peer’s weekends look much like this. But, they do probably attend kid sporting events on the weekend.

So interesting. I’ll bet your male colleagues have no idea that you spend five hours a week helping your kid with homework etc because they don’t know all of the intimacies of your life. But here’s the thing: you don’t know theirs either. You have no idea how they balance or not balance things. In fact, they probably think that you are neglecting your kids because of your ambition. They’re wrong, of course, but it’s just as likely that you’re wrong about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m an extremely ambitious woman with the same goals. I don’t think this inhibits me in my capacity to be an attuned, attentive wife and mother. It’s all about time management and priorities!

Me too. But I’m the one who said my C Suite male peers don’t seem to be around much for their families.

The women in the C suite have a different vibe. Our bunch is “trying to have it all.” And as studies show, women making more than their husbands are often doing even more household work. Now, myself and my female peers certainly can outsource. But I spent at least 5 hours this week helping my daughter with homework and studying. I’m typing this from the mall while she is trying on clothes. I know all the lines to her play she is in tonight since I’ve run the lines with her. But I doubt my male peer’s weekends look much like this. But, they do probably attend kid sporting events on the weekend.

I know two men like this who do it all. Their wives seem kind of like duds. Both married and had kids young and the wives stay at home so they’re stuck because of alimony and because of kids.

You're mean. Because they are stay at home moms they are also duds. okay........ we need more details. do they do drugs? are they not involved in parenting the kids? Sounds like you want to bring them down just because they don't work for money.

[Anonymous]

DP. I don’t think the poster was saying they were duds *because* they were stay at home moms. I took it more as, the wives aren’t naturally high functioning people generally and because they *happen* to be SAHMs, the possible alimony would be high.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DP. I don’t think the poster was saying they were duds *because* they were stay at home moms. I took it more as, the wives aren’t naturally high functioning people generally and because they *happen* to be SAHMs, the possible alimony would be high.

This is how I read it too. A SAHM who carried their weight at home would not be a dud. They are duds because they don’t carry their weight at home and the husbands do everything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My now husband of many years was very ambitious but in a quiet way but he didn’t say I’m going to be a CEO someday, he just had the smarts and drive and I saw it early on. What’s really nice is he became a CEO of a very large company but not at the expense of being a good husband and father. I know I’m pretty lucky.

I love how this PP had the acumen to see her future CEO DH in her 20s with zero corporate experience. Bravo, why aren’t you on a bunch of corporate boards, they need someone with executive foresight

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my experience, very ambitious guys often put themselves first. The ones I dated were very charismatic, charming, had lots of friends, made me feel very special. But then end of the day, they prioritized work and whatever they needed to do rather than our relationship.

This was my experience too. In my mid twenties I briefly dated a nice guy who was super busy starting his own company and raising capital for it. I’m not joking that he left me sitting at a very nice restaurant for 40 minutes while he stepped out to take at least one call for it on our 1st or 2nd date. He was apologetic but his business consistently came first. Who knows if it was just a stressful period or if he’s still that way. Either way I knew quickly that he wasn’t available enough for me.

There are also people who balance ambition better but generally I’d rather be with an intellectual big law partner than a c suite executive or finance bro. There are exceptions but generally the latter are going to be douchey.

Lololol that big law partners are intellectual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm back in the dating scene and recently went on a string of dates with this early 30s man.

We ended up talking about careers, and relative life goals etc. What stuck out was he mentioned that he sees himself running large companies in the future and that's his goal.

Any of you have experience with very ambitious guys like this, are they too much?

“Sees himself” doing that or is already doing that.

My adhd BIL had lots of plans…. That remain unplanned…

I assume you mean unachieved. Because if he had plans, they were already planned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m an extremely ambitious woman with the same goals. I don’t think this inhibits me in my capacity to be an attuned, attentive wife and mother. It’s all about time management and priorities!

Me too. But I’m the one who said my C Suite male peers don’t seem to be around much for their families.

The women in the C suite have a different vibe. Our bunch is “trying to have it all.” And as studies show, women making more than their husbands are often doing even more household work. Now, myself and my female peers certainly can outsource. But I spent at least 5 hours this week helping my daughter with homework and studying. I’m typing this from the mall while she is trying on clothes. I know all the lines to her play she is in tonight since I’ve run the lines with her. But I doubt my male peer’s weekends look much like this. But, they do probably attend kid sporting events on the weekend.

So interesting. I’ll bet your male colleagues have no idea that you spend five hours a week helping your kid with homework etc because they don’t know all of the intimacies of your life. But here’s the thing: you don’t know theirs either. You have no idea how they balance or not balance things. In fact, they probably think that you are neglecting your kids because of your ambition. They’re wrong, of course, but it’s just as likely that you’re wrong about them.

I don’t think she’s wrong about them. They don’t know much about their children’s lives. You can tell because they’re at the weekly game on their phone or in their AC SUV “working” or reading. They can’t even have a meaningful back and forth conversation about anything but work projects. It’s pretty uni-dimensional. Unlike with sr women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m an extremely ambitious woman with the same goals. I don’t think this inhibits me in my capacity to be an attuned, attentive wife and mother. It’s all about time management and priorities!

I’ll be sexist in my compliment here: as a woman you are able to handle a huge job + relationship + parenting way better than a man.

Absolute total bullshit. One of my DDs is in a leadership role in a well known DC entity, and the only way she pulls off her “huge job + relationship + parenting” is because of her man. Without him she could never in a million years pull it off.

But you’re right about one thing: you’re sexist all right.

Wake up. She can work a tough demanding job because she hired and manages the nanny, housekeeper, landscaper, cook, tutors as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m an extremely ambitious woman with the same goals. I don’t think this inhibits me in my capacity to be an attuned, attentive wife and mother. It’s all about time management and priorities!

Me too. But I’m the one who said my C Suite male peers don’t seem to be around much for their families.

The women in the C suite have a different vibe. Our bunch is “trying to have it all.” And as studies show, women making more than their husbands are often doing even more household work. Now, myself and my female peers certainly can outsource. But I spent at least 5 hours this week helping my daughter with homework and studying. I’m typing this from the mall while she is trying on clothes. I know all the lines to her play she is in tonight since I’ve run the lines with her. But I doubt my male peer’s weekends look much like this. But, they do probably attend kid sporting events on the weekend.

I know two men like this who do it all. Their wives seem kind of like duds. Both married and had kids young and the wives stay at home so they’re stuck because of alimony and because of kids.

You're mean. Because they are stay at home moms they are also duds. okay........ we need more details. do they do drugs? are they not involved in parenting the kids? Sounds like you want to bring them down just because they don't work for money.

No they are duds because they are low functioning and can’t plan anything at home or manage the kids/home (in addition to not working at all and not being supportive of their DH’s career). So their DH’s do it all. A sahm who manages the home and helps support her husband’s career is not a dud.