Too much ambition?

[Anonymous]

Ambitious people end up needing lots of sacrifices from their spouses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m an extremely ambitious woman with the same goals. I don’t think this inhibits me in my capacity to be an attuned, attentive wife and mother. It’s all about time management and priorities!

Me too. But I’m the one who said my C Suite male peers don’t seem to be around much for their families.

The women in the C suite have a different vibe. Our bunch is “trying to have it all.” And as studies show, women making more than their husbands are often doing even more household work. Now, myself and my female peers certainly can outsource. But I spent at least 5 hours this week helping my daughter with homework and studying. I’m typing this from the mall while she is trying on clothes. I know all the lines to her play she is in tonight since I’ve run the lines with her. But I doubt my male peer’s weekends look much like this. But, they do probably attend kid sporting events on the weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m an extremely ambitious woman with the same goals. I don’t think this inhibits me in my capacity to be an attuned, attentive wife and mother. It’s all about time management and priorities!

Me too. But I’m the one who said my C Suite male peers don’t seem to be around much for their families.

The women in the C suite have a different vibe. Our bunch is “trying to have it all.” And as studies show, women making more than their husbands are often doing even more household work. Now, myself and my female peers certainly can outsource. But I spent at least 5 hours this week helping my daughter with homework and studying. I’m typing this from the mall while she is trying on clothes. I know all the lines to her play she is in tonight since I’ve run the lines with her. But I doubt my male peer’s weekends look much like this. But, they do probably attend kid sporting events on the weekend.

I know two men like this who do it all. Their wives seem kind of like duds. Both married and had kids young and the wives stay at home so they’re stuck because of alimony and because of kids.

[Anonymous]

I'd run because he's probably delusional, not because he's ambitious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m an extremely ambitious woman with the same goals. I don’t think this inhibits me in my capacity to be an attuned, attentive wife and mother. It’s all about time management and priorities!

Me too. But I’m the one who said my C Suite male peers don’t seem to be around much for their families.

The women in the C suite have a different vibe. Our bunch is “trying to have it all.” And as studies show, women making more than their husbands are often doing even more household work. Now, myself and my female peers certainly can outsource. But I spent at least 5 hours this week helping my daughter with homework and studying. I’m typing this from the mall while she is trying on clothes. I know all the lines to her play she is in tonight since I’ve run the lines with her. But I doubt my male peer’s weekends look much like this. But, they do probably attend kid sporting events on the weekend.

I know two men like this who do it all. Their wives seem kind of like duds. Both married and had kids young and the wives stay at home so they’re stuck because of alimony and because of kids.

To be clear, I wasn’t trying to say “all men” forever and ever. But I think when you are dating, you should consider what it really looks like to have an ambitious spouse. My husband has an ambitious spouse. As a result, he actually has always had the lead on much of the “doing.” He has to do stuff like care for two kids — one with profound special needs — while I fly back and forth the Asia three times in seven weeks. I think my husband would say it is well worth it for the income I have achieved, and I am still super involved in family life. But there are plenty of people who don’t want their life to look like that. Since I work from home the vast majority of the time, I think my kids get a lot of time with me. But there are trade offs.

[Anonymous]

That smells like a man with dreams of grandeur who won't ever make it. It's a problem because it signals a lack of self-awareness and knowledge of himself, which means he won't be the best partner either.

People who are extremely successful in business are generally well on their way in their 30s, OP. You don't describe his current path, and presumably if he was going to be the next Elon Musk (because it's clear that's where he gets his inspiration from, so note the general belief system as well), you'd know from what he's doing now.

[Anonymous]

As other posts have put it, nobody goes to work, does a good job, and gets tapped on the shoulder and told they are in the running to be the next CEO. There is a lot of positioning, posturing, and other things that are more corporate gamesmanship than intelligence.

With that said, yes there is a difference between an ambitious person and the guy who gets home at 5:30 to coach the kid's soccer team and work on the house. Ladies, you are either happy with the first kind or the second because their personality traits are usually relatively opposite. But if you marry the aw shucks guy who only works as much as he has to, then be prepared to also need to work - it won't be driving a Lexus, vacation house, trips to Europe. Which one do you want?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As other posts have put it, nobody goes to work, does a good job, and gets tapped on the shoulder and told they are in the running to be the next CEO. There is a lot of positioning, posturing, and other things that are more corporate gamesmanship than intelligence.

With that said, yes there is a difference between an ambitious person and the guy who gets home at 5:30 to coach the kid's soccer team and work on the house. Ladies, you are either happy with the first kind or the second because their personality traits are usually relatively opposite. But if you marry the aw shucks guy who only works as much as he has to, then be prepared to also need to work - it won't be driving a Lexus, vacation house, trips to Europe. Which one do you want?

Yes exactly. OP it sounds like you want the first kind of guy, or at least someone not extremely career driven. I always wanted the second and the first type’s personality was a huge turn off for me, so it’s very personal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m an extremely ambitious woman with the same goals. I don’t think this inhibits me in my capacity to be an attuned, attentive wife and mother. It’s all about time management and priorities!

Me too. But I’m the one who said my C Suite male peers don’t seem to be around much for their families.

The women in the C suite have a different vibe. Our bunch is “trying to have it all.” And as studies show, women making more than their husbands are often doing even more household work. Now, myself and my female peers certainly can outsource. But I spent at least 5 hours this week helping my daughter with homework and studying. I’m typing this from the mall while she is trying on clothes. I know all the lines to her play she is in tonight since I’ve run the lines with her. But I doubt my male peer’s weekends look much like this. But, they do probably attend kid sporting events on the weekend.

I know two men like this who do it all. Their wives seem kind of like duds. Both married and had kids young and the wives stay at home so they’re stuck because of alimony and because of kids.

They’ll have affairs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm back in the dating scene and recently went on a string of dates with this early 30s man.

We ended up talking about careers, and relative life goals etc. What stuck out was he mentioned that he sees himself running large companies in the future and that's his goal.

Any of you have experience with very ambitious guys like this, are they too much?

Most cheat. Know what you’re signing up for.

[Anonymous]

My now husband of many years was very ambitious but in a quiet way but he didn’t say I’m going to be a CEO someday, he just had the smarts and drive and I saw it early on. What’s really nice is he became a CEO of a very large company but not at the expense of being a good husband and father. I know I’m pretty lucky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he is a big talker? Time will tell.

I think it's called "wantrepreneur".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he actually on track to do this with his career? Does he have an MBA or something and work experience that will lead him down this path?

Because I would also love to run large corporations. But I have a BA in Communications from American University. Reality is that I won’t be at the helm of Google anytime soon.

NP. Yeah, I’m getting red flag tingles. Is he living in reality? Is his education/training/current job reflective of someone who is on this path in his 30s? Or is he self-aggrandizing or living in la la land (or trying to impress you because he thinks that’s what you’ll be attracted to)? Hopefully this will become more clear in time.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m an extremely ambitious woman with the same goals. I don’t think this inhibits me in my capacity to be an attuned, attentive wife and mother. It’s all about time management and priorities!

I’ll be sexist in my compliment here: as a woman you are able to handle a huge job + relationship + parenting way better than a man.

Absolute total bullshit. One of my DDs is in a leadership role in a well known DC entity, and the only way she pulls off her “huge job + relationship + parenting” is because of her man. Without him she could never in a million years pull it off.

But you’re right about one thing: you’re sexist all right.

[Anonymous]

My husband said stuff like that in his late 20s. We got married, and 12 years later, he's a scientist working in big pharm. People say all kinds of stuff. He works way to much even though his job is supposed to be 9-5pm.