Too much ambition?

[Anonymous]

I'm back in the dating scene and recently went on a string of dates with this early 30s man.

We ended up talking about careers, and relative life goals etc. What stuck out was he mentioned that he sees himself running large companies in the future and that's his goal.

Any of you have experience with very ambitious guys like this, are they too much?

[Anonymous]

In my experience, very ambitious guys often put themselves first. The ones I dated were very charismatic, charming, had lots of friends, made me feel very special. But then end of the day, they prioritized work and whatever they needed to do rather than our relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my experience, very ambitious guys often put themselves first. The ones I dated were very charismatic, charming, had lots of friends, made me feel very special. But then end of the day, they prioritized work and whatever they needed to do rather than our relationship.

Very insightful. As an ambitious guy, you are exactly right.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he is a big talker? Time will tell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm back in the dating scene and recently went on a string of dates with this early 30s man.

We ended up talking about careers, and relative life goals etc. What stuck out was he mentioned that he sees himself running large companies in the future and that's his goal.

Any of you have experience with very ambitious guys like this, are they too much?

I think the very fact that you are asking means that deep down inside you feel that he is too much — for you.

Please honor that. You are probably getting narcissist vibes from him. A man like that is not going to be a good father or husband. He’s just not.

The only way this marriage can work is if you’re a power couple type where you are ruthlessly ambitious also and fine with using each other.

[Anonymous]

Big ambition can come with a big ego so watch for the associated pitfalls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my experience, very ambitious guys often put themselves first. The ones I dated were very charismatic, charming, had lots of friends, made me feel very special. But then end of the day, they prioritized work and whatever they needed to do rather than our relationship.

This was my experience too. In my mid twenties I briefly dated a nice guy who was super busy starting his own company and raising capital for it. I’m not joking that he left me sitting at a very nice restaurant for 40 minutes while he stepped out to take at least one call for it on our 1st or 2nd date. He was apologetic but his business consistently came first. Who knows if it was just a stressful period or if he’s still that way. Either way I knew quickly that he wasn’t available enough for me.

There are also people who balance ambition better but generally I’d rather be with an intellectual big law partner than a c suite executive or finance bro. There are exceptions but generally the latter are going to be douchey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my experience, very ambitious guys often put themselves first. The ones I dated were very charismatic, charming, had lots of friends, made me feel very special. But then end of the day, they prioritized work and whatever they needed to do rather than our relationship.

This. You need to be okay with realizing his ambitions and all that comes with it come first. Sometimes he also has lots of ambitions for his kids (sports, career etc).

Also the type of charming ambitious man you describe often had multiple women who are friendly with him or crush on him.

Ive worked as a chief of staff type to some ambitious men.

[Anonymous]

Pp here who works for ambitious men. My DH is also pretty ambitious and outgoing.

I joke that my role at home and at work are the same. I’m good at giving advice, taking notes and staying organized, writing speeches and letters, stroking egos, not getting jealous, and having zero desire to be the number one person.

[Anonymous]

I mean one problem is the reality check. How will he handle it if he isn’t the CEO of a fortune 100 by age 50? And I agree that super driven people can end up prioritizing work in a way that is unhealthy.

I’m a woman in the C suite of a private equity backed company. My peers that are men don’t seem like they spent tons of time with their kids. It is a little hard to tell since their kids are college age plus. But when you have two million miles on one airline, I’m thinking you were not home much. Don’t get me wrong, they all seem to really love their wives and families. But the way they worked and still work seems like they aren’t home much.

[Anonymous]

My younger brother is a CEO of a midsize company, around 6,000 people, and it is a big responsibility for him. He and his wife have two kids, ages 10 and 8, but he is rarely home and my SIL does all the work of raising the kids, she does have help such as babysitter, personal chef, maid etc...My SIL, she is my BFF since middle school, knew exactly what she signed up for and it works for both of them. He makes around 5M/year.

[Anonymous]

He will put his job before you

[Anonymous]

Not sure if you want kids, but I nannied for a family where the husband was like this when I was in college and I promised myself I'd never get in a relationship with a guy like that. Sure, he brought in a ton of money, but at the expense of literally EVERYTHING else. The 2 toddlers literally called phones "hi dadas" because they primarily interacted with their dad through the phone. The wife and I were basically the two parents who shared decision making. When he was home before 8/9pm, she would bring him an issue or VERY CLEARLY try to connect with him and he'd 99% of the time suggest throwing money at the money or say he will handle it tomorrow (which would never happen). And the mom was no idiiot- she was a C suite exec at a very well known corporation.

[Anonymous]

Is he actually on track to do this with his career? Does he have an MBA or something and work experience that will lead him down this path?

Because I would also love to run large corporations. But I have a BA in Communications from American University. Reality is that I won’t be at the helm of Google anytime soon.

[Anonymous]

HAHAHAHA.

Remember this thread the next time there's a pile on about some man who's not a good PROVIDER.