Daughter (15) came out as bisexual, so we stop allowing unsupervised get together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes I would stop sleepovers.

15 is young, too young to be experimenting sexually IMO. I also think it is young to declare she is bi. It seems pretty common for teen girls to claim bisexuality now. What I wouldn’t want is for her to have a sexual experience with a girl before she is mature and emotionally ready. There is definitely a lot of girl/girl sexual coercion happing at sleepovers.

Plus then there is the gossip. Just like if you have sex with a boy at 15, it may be shared with others, same thing with a girl. Is she ready to be “out” at school or assumed to be lesbian?

I would fully support her sexual preference, but at the same time minimizing her opportunities for sexual relationships while still in high school.

15 is the age to explore their sexuality.
I call it explore, because it is time to figure out what that means for them.
How do you explore without experimenting?
When you are mature and emotionally ready, you wouldn't call it a sexual experience.
You’d just call it sex.

Kids already are very fluid with their sexuality.
They don’t mind coming out either way. And they don’t feel trapped in lables
I think you care about them coming out as a gay.
And you really don’t support their sexuality even if you say you do.
What’s the point of minimizing sexual relationship in high school if there’s no threat of getting pregnant?
It’s important part of life and a valuable experience in human relationship.

[Anonymous]

She can still only get pregnant by a boy so…

[Anonymous]

At my daughter's middle school, DD explains that coming out as bi is the new norm. She says it's because people are afraid of the opposite sex, and it's feels safer to explore one's identity with one's own group, and already existing friends. In no way is any of this permanent. It's just a phase. The immense majority of these kids will grow up to be straight adults.

I allow sleepovers with friends of my kids that I know and trust to be responsible. The gender is irrelevant. I trust my kids. So far (18 and 13) they have shown themselves to be honest about their feelings and doings.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why some parents spend so much effort trying to prevent their kids from having sex. This seems impossible to stop if the kids want to do it. On the other hand, discussing safe sex and coercion issues makes sense to me. So I would allow sleepovers, etc.

[Anonymous]

My mom's rule was no sleepovers period, friends can visit but no closed doors whether man woman gay straight whatever. I didn't like it then but it worked. Yes teens will find ways to do stuff but not under her watch! I do this for my child

[Anonymous]

I thought sleepovers were not allowed so that kids don’t get pregnant. Certainly not happening in this scenario?

[Anonymous]

I’m always shocked by parents who post that the only risk of sex is pregnancy. Yes, that’s the biggest issue for teenagers by far. But I remember being a teenager, and there can be a lot more involved—regret, drama, self-esteem issues. While I know I can’t shelter my child, I am not going to facilitate a potentially uncomfortable scenario by hosting a sleepover between a pair who may feel pressured to experiment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom of a lesbian high schooler: Sleepovers are fine as long as they’re in separate rooms. When dd had a girlfriend last year, we talked it over with gf’s parents and we all agreed that when the kids spent the night at either of our houses, they would be sleeping in different rooms. Did the same thing for ds when his gf from college visited. This is what’s worked best for us.

I’m sure someone will come here to question that and say they’re already having sex. I understand that. I also get to set up the rules and expectations in my house. Every parent gets to do what’s best for their house.

You made consenting adults sleep in different rooms because you're afraid that they might have sex in your house? Are you going to do that with your son when he's married too? Or are married children allowed to have sex in your home? This reminds me of my grandparents and it all stems from weird puritanical fears of sex.

When they’re married? No, of course they can sleep together. Like I said, each person makes the rules for their own house. You make the rules for your own kids. Do you even have any?

When your kids decide to stop visiting, know it is because you have fully arbitrary rules. Your choice, seems really short sighted to have home be the place they can’t be comfortable. But I guess if you prefer not to see your kids, this works!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She can still only get pregnant by a boy so…

That is cis-normative. Reported.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m always shocked by parents who post that the only risk of sex is pregnancy. Yes, that’s the biggest issue for teenagers by far. But I remember being a teenager, and there can be a lot more involved—regret, drama, self-esteem issues. While I know I can’t shelter my child, I am not going to facilitate a potentially uncomfortable scenario by hosting a sleepover between a pair who may feel pressured to experiment.

I’m so sexist but this all bothers me so much less with two girls. I’ve just never heard of a lesbian being date raped or even pressured into sex — whereas al my straight friends had this experience (usually multiple times) with boys/men. I’m sure there are issues in the lesbian community too, but it just seems to me so much less prevalent and the power dynamic issues are less of a thing. One thing I did tell my daughter (who was bi in hS but not identifies as gay) is to really think twice before hooking up with friends. Drama within the friend group is hard to manage and it can really fracture the group. There will always be another person to hook up with but good friends are hard to come by. That seems to me the greater risk with female-female teen relationships, and I have seen that happen.
Anyway, I’m actually pretty conservative but I just gave up on policing this with my bi/gay daughter. It was too hard. With my straight son, I am pretty strict about no girls in his room, doors open, I will swing by asking if they want snacks, etc. they are probably hookjng up at her house but there’s only so much I can do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She can still only get pregnant by a boy so…

That is cis-normative. Reported.

I can’t tell if this person is joking or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m always shocked by parents who post that the only risk of sex is pregnancy. Yes, that’s the biggest issue for teenagers by far. But I remember being a teenager, and there can be a lot more involved—regret, drama, self-esteem issues. While I know I can’t shelter my child, I am not going to facilitate a potentially uncomfortable scenario by hosting a sleepover between a pair who may feel pressured to experiment.

I’m so sexist but this all bothers me so much less with two girls. I’ve just never heard of a lesbian being date raped or even pressured into sex — whereas al my straight friends had this experience (usually multiple times) with boys/men. I’m sure there are issues in the lesbian community too, but it just seems to me so much less prevalent and the power dynamic issues are less of a thing. One thing I did tell my daughter (who was bi in hS but not identifies as gay) is to really think twice before hooking up with friends. Drama within the friend group is hard to manage and it can really fracture the group. There will always be another person to hook up with but good friends are hard to come by. That seems to me the greater risk with female-female teen relationships, and I have seen that happen.
Anyway, I’m actually pretty conservative but I just gave up on policing this with my bi/gay daughter. It was too hard. With my straight son, I am pretty strict about no girls in his room, doors open, I will swing by asking if they want snacks, etc. they are probably hookjng up at her house but there’s only so much I can do.

Naive and sexist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I allowed sleepovers unaware that more than one of the kids was bi. That was a huge mistake. Two of the kids at my daughter’s sleepover decided to fool around. Totally messed up everything. Kids’ parents ended up finding out and were furious at me.

Another reason to skip sleepovers altogether! What’s the point when you have to deal with sh—-like this, or the possibility of an adult /older sibling messing with the kids. I let my kids hang out in the day time with their friends and send them home to sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why some parents spend so much effort trying to prevent their kids from having sex. This seems impossible to stop if the kids want to do it. On the other hand, discussing safe sex and coercion issues makes sense to me. So I would allow sleepovers, etc.

May be impossible to stop but I’m not going to open up my home and make it super easy by laying out condoms, rose petals, champagne and strawberries along with weekend sleepovers. if kids are that desperate they can figure it out on their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m always shocked by parents who post that the only risk of sex is pregnancy. Yes, that’s the biggest issue for teenagers by far. But I remember being a teenager, and there can be a lot more involved—regret, drama, self-esteem issues. While I know I can’t shelter my child, I am not going to facilitate a potentially uncomfortable scenario by hosting a sleepover between a pair who may feel pressured to experiment.

I’m so sexist but this all bothers me so much less with two girls. I’ve just never heard of a lesbian being date raped or even pressured into sex — whereas al my straight friends had this experience (usually multiple times) with boys/men. I’m sure there are issues in the lesbian community too, but it just seems to me so much less prevalent and the power dynamic issues are less of a thing. One thing I did tell my daughter (who was bi in hS but not identifies as gay) is to really think twice before hooking up with friends. Drama within the friend group is hard to manage and it can really fracture the group. There will always be another person to hook up with but good friends are hard to come by. That seems to me the greater risk with female-female teen relationships, and I have seen that happen.
Anyway, I’m actually pretty conservative but I just gave up on policing this with my bi/gay daughter. It was too hard. With my straight son, I am pretty strict about no girls in his room, doors open, I will swing by asking if they want snacks, etc. they are probably hookjng up at her house but there’s only so much I can do.

Friend's daughter was repeatedly raped and abused by a girl who she thought was a friend, and this started at a sleepover. No trans involved, by the way. Intimate partner violence among lesbians is similar to heterosexual couples, IIRC, though rape is rarer.