Daughter (15) came out as bisexual, so we stop allowing unsupervised get together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom of a lesbian high schooler: Sleepovers are fine as long as they’re in separate rooms. When dd had a girlfriend last year, we talked it over with gf’s parents and we all agreed that when the kids spent the night at either of our houses, they would be sleeping in different rooms. Did the same thing for ds when his gf from college visited. This is what’s worked best for us.

I’m sure someone will come here to question that and say they’re already having sex. I understand that. I also get to set up the rules and expectations in my house. Every parent gets to do what’s best for their house.

You made consenting adults sleep in different rooms because you're afraid that they might have sex in your house? Are you going to do that with your son when he's married too? Or are married children allowed to have sex in your home? This reminds me of my grandparents and it all stems from weird puritanical fears of sex.

NP, but my DH and I slept in separate rooms at our family's houses before we were married, yes (we actually waited until we were married to have sex, but we understood how it looked to share a bed).

This is awesome to read. Thanks for sharing.

When my now DH and I were dating…we were living together (I was 26 and he was 32) and his parents made us sleep in separate rooms when we visited before we were married. Totally ridiculous but their house, their rules.

That's funny. We were 34 and 29, and HER parents made us sleep in separate rooms because we were unmarried. I had to sleep in the basement, peeing in the utility sink during middle of the night bathroom visits, because the only bathroom available was up two flights of stairs. My mom (my dad was passed away) was fine with us sharing a bed.

[Anonymous]

I hate sleepovers. I hate hosting then. I hate sending my kid and worrying. I hated going to them as a kid because I was an early-to-bed/early riser for my sport. I wish we could collectively agrree to stop doing them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate sleepovers. I hate hosting then. I hate sending my kid and worrying. I hated going to them as a kid because I was an early-to-bed/early riser for my sport. I wish we could collectively agrree to stop doing them.

So because you don’t enjoy them they shouldn’t exist?

I loved sleepovers as a kid and teen. We’d play games, eat junk and watch movies. Great way to bond and I could sleep the next day.

They were a summer and weekend activity only.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m bisexual and, yes, had sex with my friends at sleepovers. I also had sex with boys in cars and random places.

I don’t know why people work so hard to keep their kids from having sex. It’s going to happen eventually anyway.

you're not helping here. Just because kids are going to do things that they shouldn't doesn't mean that parents should just shrug it off. Should we just let them vape and drink because they're going to anyways? How ridiculous.

Having stated that, OP, years ago, there was a thread on here about whether the parent of a lesbian should tell the parent of the female friend who was going to sleep over that their DD was a lesbian, and would you let your DD sleepover?

My initial reaction was that I would not feel comfortable having DD sleepover. But, years later, this exact situation happened to us.

DD has a lesbian BFF, and they have spent the night in the same room. I don't think they are attracted to each other that way. It's like saying every girl is attracted to every boy she meets, or she'll want to have sex with every boy she meets. That is not the case, obviously. Not every lesbian wants to have sex with every girl. DD finds sex ew still. She only just hit puberty (late bloomer). So, I'm not worried that she's having sex with her lesbian friend. But, if she was, at least she won't get pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m bisexual and, yes, had sex with my friends at sleepovers. I also had sex with boys in cars and random places.

I don’t know why people work so hard to keep their kids from having sex. It’s going to happen eventually anyway.

you're not helping here. Just because kids are going to do things that they shouldn't doesn't mean that parents should just shrug it off. Should we just let them vape and drink because they're going to anyways? How ridiculous.

Having stated that, OP, years ago, there was a thread on here about whether the parent of a lesbian should tell the parent of the female friend who was going to sleep over that their DD was a lesbian, and would you let your DD sleepover?

My initial reaction was that I would not feel comfortable having DD sleepover. But, years later, this exact situation happened to us.

DD has a lesbian BFF, and they have spent the night in the same room. I don't think they are attracted to each other that way. It's like saying every girl is attracted to every boy she meets, or she'll want to have sex with every boy she meets. That is not the case, obviously. Not every lesbian wants to have sex with every girl. DD finds sex ew still. She only just hit puberty (late bloomer). So, I'm not worried that she's having sex with her lesbian friend. But, if she was, at least she won't get pregnant.

How many parents let their daughter sleep in the same room as a male BFF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m bisexual and, yes, had sex with my friends at sleepovers. I also had sex with boys in cars and random places.

I don’t know why people work so hard to keep their kids from having sex. It’s going to happen eventually anyway.

you're not helping here. Just because kids are going to do things that they shouldn't doesn't mean that parents should just shrug it off. Should we just let them vape and drink because they're going to anyways? How ridiculous.

Having stated that, OP, years ago, there was a thread on here about whether the parent of a lesbian should tell the parent of the female friend who was going to sleep over that their DD was a lesbian, and would you let your DD sleepover?

My initial reaction was that I would not feel comfortable having DD sleepover. But, years later, this exact situation happened to us.

DD has a lesbian BFF, and they have spent the night in the same room. I don't think they are attracted to each other that way. It's like saying every girl is attracted to every boy she meets, or she'll want to have sex with every boy she meets. That is not the case, obviously. Not every lesbian wants to have sex with every girl. DD finds sex ew still. She only just hit puberty (late bloomer). So, I'm not worried that she's having sex with her lesbian friend. But, if she was, at least she won't get pregnant.

How many parents let their daughter sleep in the same room as a male BFF?

Teenage boys are a bit different hormonally. IMO, and according to DH. They would have sex with any girl as long as she wasn't completely unattractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m bisexual and, yes, had sex with my friends at sleepovers. I also had sex with boys in cars and random places.

I don’t know why people work so hard to keep their kids from having sex. It’s going to happen eventually anyway.

you're not helping here. Just because kids are going to do things that they shouldn't doesn't mean that parents should just shrug it off. Should we just let them vape and drink because they're going to anyways? How ridiculous.

Having stated that, OP, years ago, there was a thread on here about whether the parent of a lesbian should tell the parent of the female friend who was going to sleep over that their DD was a lesbian, and would you let your DD sleepover?

My initial reaction was that I would not feel comfortable having DD sleepover. But, years later, this exact situation happened to us.

DD has a lesbian BFF, and they have spent the night in the same room. I don't think they are attracted to each other that way. It's like saying every girl is attracted to every boy she meets, or she'll want to have sex with every boy she meets. That is not the case, obviously. Not every lesbian wants to have sex with every girl. DD finds sex ew still. She only just hit puberty (late bloomer). So, I'm not worried that she's having sex with her lesbian friend. But, if she was, at least she won't get pregnant.

How many parents let their daughter sleep in the same room as a male BFF?

It’s not the same thing. There is a much higher likelihood of sexual assault or coercion with a male. We need to stop with the fallacy that male and female sexuality is the same.

[Anonymous]

Yes I would stop sleepovers.

15 is young, too young to be experimenting sexually IMO. I also think it is young to declare she is bi. It seems pretty common for teen girls to claim bisexuality now. What I wouldn’t want is for her to have a sexual experience with a girl before she is mature and emotionally ready. There is definitely a lot of girl/girl sexual coercion happing at sleepovers.

Plus then there is the gossip. Just like if you have sex with a boy at 15, it may be shared with others, same thing with a girl. Is she ready to be “out” at school or assumed to be lesbian?

I would fully support her sexual preference, but at the same time minimizing her opportunities for sexual relationships while still in high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems pretty common for teen girls to claim bisexuality now.

Why “claim” bisexuality? That’s called coming out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom of a lesbian high schooler: Sleepovers are fine as long as they’re in separate rooms. When dd had a girlfriend last year, we talked it over with gf’s parents and we all agreed that when the kids spent the night at either of our houses, they would be sleeping in different rooms. Did the same thing for ds when his gf from college visited. This is what’s worked best for us.

I’m sure someone will come here to question that and say they’re already having sex. I understand that. I also get to set up the rules and expectations in my house. Every parent gets to do what’s best for their house.

You made consenting adults sleep in different rooms because you're afraid that they might have sex in your house? Are you going to do that with your son when he's married too? Or are married children allowed to have sex in your home? This reminds me of my grandparents and it all stems from weird puritanical fears of sex.

When they’re married? No, of course they can sleep together. Like I said, each person makes the rules for their own house. You make the rules for your own kids. Do you even have any?

So then, what's the difference between a married couple and an unmarried couple sleeping together in your house?

Oh, boy. Here we go. Pay attention.
When a man and a woman love each other very much, they like to hug, and like they hug so closely, that they take off their clothes.... and months later, a baby is born!

I’m not the person arguing about house rules but I really hope the college kids are using birth control wherever they are having sex.

We'll see. They might not have access to it the way we did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom of a lesbian high schooler: Sleepovers are fine as long as they’re in separate rooms. When dd had a girlfriend last year, we talked it over with gf’s parents and we all agreed that when the kids spent the night at either of our houses, they would be sleeping in different rooms. Did the same thing for ds when his gf from college visited. This is what’s worked best for us.

I’m sure someone will come here to question that and say they’re already having sex. I understand that. I also get to set up the rules and expectations in my house. Every parent gets to do what’s best for their house.

You made consenting adults sleep in different rooms because you're afraid that they might have sex in your house? Are you going to do that with your son when he's married too? Or are married children allowed to have sex in your home? This reminds me of my grandparents and it all stems from weird puritanical fears of sex.

NP, but my DH and I slept in separate rooms at our family's houses before we were married, yes (we actually waited until we were married to have sex, but we understood how it looked to share a bed).

This is awesome to read. Thanks for sharing.

When my now DH and I were dating…we were living together (I was 26 and he was 32) and his parents made us sleep in separate rooms when we visited before we were married. Totally ridiculous but their house, their rules.

That's funny. We were 34 and 29, and HER parents made us sleep in separate rooms because we were unmarried. I had to sleep in the basement, peeing in the utility sink during middle of the night bathroom visits, because the only bathroom available was up two flights of stairs. My mom (my dad was passed away) was fine with us sharing a bed.

DH and I were put in different rooms when we were dating. He snuck into my room anyway and we had sex. The kids will find a way!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom of a lesbian high schooler: Sleepovers are fine as long as they’re in separate rooms. When dd had a girlfriend last year, we talked it over with gf’s parents and we all agreed that when the kids spent the night at either of our houses, they would be sleeping in different rooms. Did the same thing for ds when his gf from college visited. This is what’s worked best for us.

I’m sure someone will come here to question that and say they’re already having sex. I understand that. I also get to set up the rules and expectations in my house. Every parent gets to do what’s best for their house.

You made consenting adults sleep in different rooms because you're afraid that they might have sex in your house? Are you going to do that with your son when he's married too? Or are married children allowed to have sex in your home? This reminds me of my grandparents and it all stems from weird puritanical fears of sex.

NP, but my DH and I slept in separate rooms at our family's houses before we were married, yes (we actually waited until we were married to have sex, but we understood how it looked to share a bed).

This is awesome to read. Thanks for sharing.

When my now DH and I were dating…we were living together (I was 26 and he was 32) and his parents made us sleep in separate rooms when we visited before we were married. Totally ridiculous but their house, their rules.

That's funny. We were 34 and 29, and HER parents made us sleep in separate rooms because we were unmarried. I had to sleep in the basement, peeing in the utility sink during middle of the night bathroom visits, because the only bathroom available was up two flights of stairs. My mom (my dad was passed away) was fine with us sharing a bed.

DH and I were put in different rooms when we were dating. He snuck into my room anyway and we had sex. The kids will find a way!

We didn't. We were having sex all the time back home. Easy enough to respect the rules of the hosts for a few days. It was the peeing part that sucked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom of a lesbian high schooler: Sleepovers are fine as long as they’re in separate rooms. When dd had a girlfriend last year, we talked it over with gf’s parents and we all agreed that when the kids spent the night at either of our houses, they would be sleeping in different rooms. Did the same thing for ds when his gf from college visited. This is what’s worked best for us.

I’m sure someone will come here to question that and say they’re already having sex. I understand that. I also get to set up the rules and expectations in my house. Every parent gets to do what’s best for their house.

You made consenting adults sleep in different rooms because you're afraid that they might have sex in your house? Are you going to do that with your son when he's married too? Or are married children allowed to have sex in your home? This reminds me of my grandparents and it all stems from weird puritanical fears of sex.

When they’re married? No, of course they can sleep together. Like I said, each person makes the rules for their own house. You make the rules for your own kids. Do you even have any?

So then, what's the difference between a married couple and an unmarried couple sleeping together in your house? [/ quote]

NP—you already know the answer to this.

Don’t YOU have rules that are different depending on who is engaging also?

Are you okay with everyone drinking in your home? Or just adults? What’s the difference?

Is it okay for me as a non-Muslim to come into a Muslim home and display photos of Muhammad in the guest room? Why not? I mean if I’m an adult and that’s not MY religious practice, this is fine right?
Of course it isn’t.

Should a Jewish family that keeps kosher be expected to offer up bacon as a breakfast food to houseguests? Should they just let guests bring in their own and start frying it up for themselves? Why not?? It’s not THEIR values, right???


Sheesh! Just be respectful of someone else’s house rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom of a lesbian high schooler: Sleepovers are fine as long as they’re in separate rooms. When dd had a girlfriend last year, we talked it over with gf’s parents and we all agreed that when the kids spent the night at either of our houses, they would be sleeping in different rooms. Did the same thing for ds when his gf from college visited. This is what’s worked best for us.

I’m sure someone will come here to question that and say they’re already having sex. I understand that. I also get to set up the rules and expectations in my house. Every parent gets to do what’s best for their house.

You made consenting adults sleep in different rooms because you're afraid that they might have sex in your house? Are you going to do that with your son when he's married too? Or are married children allowed to have sex in your home? This reminds me of my grandparents and it all stems from weird puritanical fears of sex.

When they’re married? No, of course they can sleep together. Like I said, each person makes the rules for their own house. You make the rules for your own kids. Do you even have any?

So then, what's the difference between a married couple and an unmarried couple sleeping together in your house?

Oh, boy. Here we go. Pay attention.
When a man and a woman love each other very much, they like to hug, and like they hug so closely, that they take off their clothes.... and months later, a baby is born!

I’m not the person arguing about house rules but I really hope the college kids are using birth control wherever they are having sex.

We'll see. They might not have access to it the way we did.

Oh please…

[Anonymous]

My bi curious child and her bi curious friend had sexual contact at a sleep over. They were significantly younger than 15.

My child has expressed that what happened was not consensual and has had difficulty dealing with it.

So unfortunately I do wish now that I had not allowed sleepovers/unsupervised time.

Also I have an older child who is gay and we are totally accepting of them and their partner. So it's not an eyeroll "straight people" thing here in my opinion.

If you don't mind your 15 year old doing normal teen things and exploring sexual curiosity, fine let them see their same sex friends unsupervised. If you think 15 is too young, err on the side of caution.