DW makes life miserable

[Anonymous]

OP you can't force your wife to go to therapy but I think you could benefit from therapy. DH and I tried couples's therapy and it was kind of a disaster. So we went to individual therapy and couple's therapy was much better. He realized some things he was doing wrong, and the therapist validated his frustrations with some things I was doing. We both realized that we felt obligated to deal with things he shouldn't have had to deal with because of our family backgrounds, and putting up with those things caused tension over seemingly unrelated things.
From what I understand, DH didn't spend a lot of time in therapy talking about his emotions. He got a lot of practical advice for how to deal with things. Just something to consider!

[Anonymous]

I don’t know, op, the politics would annoy me. Might she be needing some kind of validation that you have her back since you don’t seem to have it on the home front?

I wasn’t a fan of you talking about how your relationship with your kid is so great and your wife’s isn’t, that was just mean. Also, power struggles are fine, you don’t make it clear if what your wife and kid fight about matters or what is going on there. I’ll say that the time of day matters too, my kid loves crocks, and he can’t wear them at school per policy of the school. So, if he wants to wear them to school, we in a sense have a power struggle over something that to an adult doesn’t matter, an adult can wear crocks all day long. I can go to my kid’s school wearing crocks, he cannot. On the other hand, nobody cares what footware he wears when he goes to karate, so if my husband told him “get ready for karate” the shoe battle wouldn’t be a factor, kid would default to crocks anyway, but if he didn’t, so what?
You come off as the “cool dad” anything goes, and for you maybe it does. That being said, this isn’t your wife’s world or reality. She may parent a lot better if she felt you supported her or told your kid “mom can tell you to do anything that’s legal, and you’d better do it” or “this matters to your mom, do it”. Then if you really think mom is overreacting, talk to her about it later, but also listen to what she has to say. All of us pass down preferences to our kids and some of them are only because the adult in charge wants it done a certain way, and as I told my teenager the other day “I am the adult, I want our home a certain way, when you are an adult and have a home of your own, you can serve your dog dinner at the kitchen table, let him lounge on the furniture, you can even let him poop indoors if you see fit, none of that will be happening in my home.
Try being nice to your wife, making her feel like you care about her and value her contributions as a mom and you might get a very different household. Or, divorce, that too is an option. Whatever you do, don’t use fear, we all know you don’t mean it, and your kid will start using language to push your buttons if they haven’t already. “Well, dad, if you don’t let me spend the night at my boyfriend’s house, I’ll just never talk to you again”. When I was a kid, that was called being a snotty teen, now it’s “a threat to go no contact”. Same behavior but not it sounds a lot scarier and gives a kid way more power then they need. We also know you aren’t really afraid of how your wife would parent, if you really worried about it, you’d divorce, get your own place and when CPS gets involved on your wife’s parenting time, you then have a safe place for your kid to go. If you were truly worried, that’s what you’d be doing, because if you were afraid of abuse, you’d be deemed complicit by virtue of staying married to the abuser. Sounds to me like these are just garden variety parting issues we all go through but you are taking your position way more seriously then you should be. You are just a dad who either comes home when there is no need for a power struggle, or you are the dad that would send the kid to school in the wrong footware, the dad who’s always late getting his kid to or from practice, the dad that tells the librarian “It’s just a book, who cares if we didn’t bring it back” when the point of the library is to check out and return books.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I don’t know, op, the politics would annoy me. Might she be needing some kind of validation that you have her back since you don’t seem to have it on the home front?

I wasn’t a fan of you talking about how your relationship with your kid is so great and your wife’s isn’t, that was just mean. Also, power struggles are fine, you don’t make it clear if what your wife and kid fight about matters or what is going on there. I’ll say that the time of day matters too, my kid loves crocks, and he can’t wear them at school per policy of the school. So, if he wants to wear them to school, we in a sense have a power struggle over something that to an adult doesn’t matter, an adult can wear crocks all day long. I can go to my kid’s school wearing crocks, he cannot. On the other hand, nobody cares what footware he wears when he goes to karate, so if my husband told him “get ready for karate” the shoe battle wouldn’t be a factor, kid would default to crocks anyway, but if he didn’t, so what?
You come off as the “cool dad” anything goes, and for you maybe it does. That being said, this isn’t your wife’s world or reality. She may parent a lot better if she felt you supported her or told your kid “mom can tell you to do anything that’s legal, and you’d better do it” or “this matters to your mom, do it”. Then if you really think mom is overreacting, talk to her about it later, but also listen to what she has to say. All of us pass down preferences to our kids and some of them are only because the adult in charge wants it done a certain way, and as I told my teenager the other day “I am the adult, I want our home a certain way, when you are an adult and have a home of your own, you can serve your dog dinner at the kitchen table, let him lounge on the furniture, you can even let him poop indoors if you see fit, none of that will be happening in my home.
Try being nice to your wife, making her feel like you care about her and value her contributions as a mom and you might get a very different household. Or, divorce, that too is an option. Whatever you do, don’t use fear, we all know you don’t mean it, and your kid will start using language to push your buttons if they haven’t already. “Well, dad, if you don’t let me spend the night at my boyfriend’s house, I’ll just never talk to you again”. When I was a kid, that was called being a snotty teen, now it’s “a threat to go no contact”. Same behavior but not it sounds a lot scarier and gives a kid way more power then they need. We also know you aren’t really afraid of how your wife would parent, if you really worried about it, you’d divorce, get your own place and when CPS gets involved on your wife’s parenting time, you then have a safe place for your kid to go. If you were truly worried, that’s what you’d be doing, because if you were afraid of abuse, you’d be deemed complicit by virtue of staying married to the abuser. Sounds to me like these are just garden variety parting issues we all go through but you are taking your position way more seriously then you should be. You are just a dad who either comes home when there is no need for a power struggle, or you are the dad that would send the kid to school in the wrong footware, the dad who’s always late getting his kid to or from practice, the dad that tells the librarian “It’s just a book, who cares if we didn’t bring it back” when the point of the library is to check out and return books.

OMG get help already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most women are controlling... men must...

clean kitchen including wipe stove, sweep, wipe all counters, nothing soaking or they are children
put kids to bed exactly how she does
do morning routine exactly how she does.
when she goes out she comes home and immediately does a full analysis of what food was fed to the kids, homework checks, bedtime checks and they yells at husband because spelling words still need to be done (call the presses)

I can't even imagine how men deal with these women and pay all the bills and support their "hobbies". WTF... why did you ever let it get this bad.

You let her become a child and now she is acting like a child. Get a job!

Sure she will get 1/2 but you say get therapy for your anxiety or GTFO.

Come on man!

The things you are complaining about doing seem like normal things. Didn’t your parents do these things while you were growing up (Wipe counters, sweep the floor, do the dishes, go over your spelling words, put kids to bed)?

I would be annoyed too if this stuff wasn’t done. I would have planned on having an evening out with friends and then coming home, maybe have a drink, and have sex with my husband. Now I have to finish cleaning the kitchen, scrub whatever is soaking in the sink, and plan on getting my kid up early in the morning so we can go over spelling words. That kind of sucks.

Anyway, this all seems pretty normal and very different from what the OP is talking about.

Those things can wait till the next day. I learned not to be OCD, crazy control freak. Did you mom hit you with wire hangers if you used them?

No actually you don’t have to finish scrubbing leave it … live a little.

You know what, if my husband was like, “I am planning to get up extra early tomorrow morning/get home from work early tomorrow afternoon and get the dishes done and the kitchen cleaned up,” I would be totally fine with that.

In reality though, the next day, he leaves for work at 6:45 and doesn’t do them. The kids and I have to get ready and leave by 7:30 and we don’t do them. No one is home until 4:30 in the afternoon, and then there is soccer and ballet and piano and homework. He shows up at 6:00 expecting dinner (because he is the main breadwinner and I work part time), and the kitchen still isn’t wiped down and the dishes are still in the sink.

I know your crazy brain thinks you made a point but you didn’t.

Now you make dinner and that night the kitchen gets wiped down and magically nobody died.

It’s okay honey, I think you should try it, only wipe the counter every other night. It’s a small start in your exposure therapy.

No. I don’t know what happened in your home growing up, but feeding your children on tables/counters that are visibly dirty is not normal. This is not me or your wife being “OCD.”

Your 2nd challenge for exposure therapy … camping. Eating at a dirty picnic tables.

Yea you’re a little OCD and very controlling.

I’m not kidding your life will be infinitely better if you can get over being a control freak. Your kids and H will actually like you

I don't get the feeling that a lot of people like the person posting this. They seem controlling to me by constantly putting down others rather than just stating their own thoughts. If you want to live like a slob, it's actually not that hard. Live by yourself or find someone else with a similar goal. You will be more likable because you will have found your match. Not that hard in America to find.

[Anonymous]

You are the dumb dumb that married her…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most women are controlling... men must...

clean kitchen including wipe stove, sweep, wipe all counters, nothing soaking or they are children
put kids to bed exactly how she does
do morning routine exactly how she does.
when she goes out she comes home and immediately does a full analysis of what food was fed to the kids, homework checks, bedtime checks and they yells at husband because spelling words still need to be done (call the presses)

I can't even imagine how men deal with these women and pay all the bills and support their "hobbies". WTF... why did you ever let it get this bad.

You let her become a child and now she is acting like a child. Get a job!

Sure she will get 1/2 but you say get therapy for your anxiety or GTFO.

Come on man!

The things you are complaining about doing seem like normal things. Didn’t your parents do these things while you were growing up (Wipe counters, sweep the floor, do the dishes, go over your spelling words, put kids to bed)?

I would be annoyed too if this stuff wasn’t done. I would have planned on having an evening out with friends and then coming home, maybe have a drink, and have sex with my husband. Now I have to finish cleaning the kitchen, scrub whatever is soaking in the sink, and plan on getting my kid up early in the morning so we can go over spelling words. That kind of sucks.

Anyway, this all seems pretty normal and very different from what the OP is talking about.

Those things can wait till the next day. I learned not to be OCD, crazy control freak. Did you mom hit you with wire hangers if you used them?

No actually you don’t have to finish scrubbing leave it … live a little.

You know what, if my husband was like, “I am planning to get up extra early tomorrow morning/get home from work early tomorrow afternoon and get the dishes done and the kitchen cleaned up,” I would be totally fine with that.

In reality though, the next day, he leaves for work at 6:45 and doesn’t do them. The kids and I have to get ready and leave by 7:30 and we don’t do them. No one is home until 4:30 in the afternoon, and then there is soccer and ballet and piano and homework. He shows up at 6:00 expecting dinner (because he is the main breadwinner and I work part time), and the kitchen still isn’t wiped down and the dishes are still in the sink.

I know your crazy brain thinks you made a point but you didn’t.

Now you make dinner and that night the kitchen gets wiped down and magically nobody died.

It’s okay honey, I think you should try it, only wipe the counter every other night. It’s a small start in your exposure therapy.

No. I don’t know what happened in your home growing up, but feeding your children on tables/counters that are visibly dirty is not normal. This is not me or your wife being “OCD.”

Your 2nd challenge for exposure therapy … camping. Eating at a dirty picnic tables.

Yea you’re a little OCD and very controlling.

I’m not kidding your life will be infinitely better if you can get over being a control freak. Your kids and H will actually like you

I don't get the feeling that a lot of people like the person posting this. They seem controlling to me by constantly putting down others rather than just stating their own thoughts. If you want to live like a slob, it's actually not that hard. Live by yourself or find someone else with a similar goal. You will be more likable because you will have found your match. Not that hard in America to find.

I thought that this poster seemed kind of controlling too. I posted earlier in this thread about my husband being kind of controlling, and this is the kind of stuff he would do. Not being a slob, but coming up with some “new” way of doing things when I was out for one evening, and insisting that this was the way it should be from now on.
I.e. “The counters/table should only be cleaned every other day from now on…the kids eat on plates, we use dirty picnic tables, and it will save us time. Even though I have no experience with this, and you have been doing it every day for the last 1,000 days, your way was wrong. Aren’t you glad that you have me so I can tell you the correct way to live your life?”

I don’t know if OP’s wife is like this, but if it were my husband, I would reply to this by saying, “I am happy to give your way a chance. I liked my way, and I think it’s nice of me to be flexible here, don’t you?”

[Anonymous]

Did she give up a more lucrative job because she had to take on the lion’s share of parenting?

Be honest.

You may pay 90% of the bills…but who stays home when the child is sick? Makes sure there is food for dinner? Keeps the social calendar ? Orders Gifts for holidays? Clothes for the new school year? Vacation plans? Doctor apts?

Be honest..

[Anonymous]

This is all the women in McLean and Falls Church so you are not alone. They are all severe biiiitches with mental issues. I feel sorry for you and the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW just makes things miserable sometimes. She is often difficult. Very unappreciative of the fact that I pay 90 percent of the bills while she pursues her passion career. Gets very upset at me if I don’t agree with her about political issues. Often seems to provoke fights with our kid because she can be a little inflexible and gets into power struggles. Etc etc.

I don’t really want a divorce because I dread the idea of how she would parent our kid without me around. Also just generally don’t want a divorce.

Still, it feels very difficult at times. Just not fun at all.

Really just a rant.

Any possibility that the passion career is a cover for a secret family? I bring this up because we seem to be married to the same woman.

I refuse to discuss politics, women’s rights, economics, homelessness or gender equality; we share nearly identical feelings on these matters but discussion turns into me being part of the problem.

+1

It’s insane how the Trump era normalized the view that if you don’t agree 100% with the far left on every issue, you are the enemy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did she give up a more lucrative job because she had to take on the lion’s share of parenting?

Be honest.

You may pay 90% of the bills…but who stays home when the child is sick? Makes sure there is food for dinner? Keeps the social calendar ? Orders Gifts for holidays? Clothes for the new school year? Vacation plans? Doctor apts?

Be honest..

Girl you know you were never going to make that much money and you hated working so stop with that "I gave up a lucrative job" BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most women are controlling... men must...

clean kitchen including wipe stove, sweep, wipe all counters, nothing soaking or they are children
put kids to bed exactly how she does
do morning routine exactly how she does.
when she goes out she comes home and immediately does a full analysis of what food was fed to the kids, homework checks, bedtime checks and they yells at husband because spelling words still need to be done (call the presses)

I can't even imagine how men deal with these women and pay all the bills and support their "hobbies". WTF... why did you ever let it get this bad.

You let her become a child and now she is acting like a child. Get a job!

Sure she will get 1/2 but you say get therapy for your anxiety or GTFO.

Come on man!

The things you are complaining about doing seem like normal things. Didn’t your parents do these things while you were growing up (Wipe counters, sweep the floor, do the dishes, go over your spelling words, put kids to bed)?

I would be annoyed too if this stuff wasn’t done. I would have planned on having an evening out with friends and then coming home, maybe have a drink, and have sex with my husband. Now I have to finish cleaning the kitchen, scrub whatever is soaking in the sink, and plan on getting my kid up early in the morning so we can go over spelling words. That kind of sucks.

Anyway, this all seems pretty normal and very different from what the OP is talking about.

Those things can wait till the next day. I learned not to be OCD, crazy control freak. Did you mom hit you with wire hangers if you used them?

No actually you don’t have to finish scrubbing leave it … live a little.

You know what, if my husband was like, “I am planning to get up extra early tomorrow morning/get home from work early tomorrow afternoon and get the dishes done and the kitchen cleaned up,” I would be totally fine with that.

In reality though, the next day, he leaves for work at 6:45 and doesn’t do them. The kids and I have to get ready and leave by 7:30 and we don’t do them. No one is home until 4:30 in the afternoon, and then there is soccer and ballet and piano and homework. He shows up at 6:00 expecting dinner (because he is the main breadwinner and I work part time), and the kitchen still isn’t wiped down and the dishes are still in the sink.

I know your crazy brain thinks you made a point but you didn’t.

Now you make dinner and that night the kitchen gets wiped down and magically nobody died.

It’s okay honey, I think you should try it, only wipe the counter every other night. It’s a small start in your exposure therapy.

No. I don’t know what happened in your home growing up, but feeding your children on tables/counters that are visibly dirty is not normal. This is not me or your wife being “OCD.”

Your 2nd challenge for exposure therapy … camping. Eating at a dirty picnic tables.

Yea you’re a little OCD and very controlling.

I’m not kidding your life will be infinitely better if you can get over being a control freak. Your kids and H will actually like you

I don't get the feeling that a lot of people like the person posting this. They seem controlling to me by constantly putting down others rather than just stating their own thoughts. If you want to live like a slob, it's actually not that hard. Live by yourself or find someone else with a similar goal. You will be more likable because you will have found your match. Not that hard in America to find.

It's not living like a slob, but if you want to be a psycho who walks around your house doing rounds with a white glove... then LIVE BY YOURSELF, leave normally adjusted people alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most women are controlling... men must...

clean kitchen including wipe stove, sweep, wipe all counters, nothing soaking or they are children
put kids to bed exactly how she does
do morning routine exactly how she does.
when she goes out she comes home and immediately does a full analysis of what food was fed to the kids, homework checks, bedtime checks and they yells at husband because spelling words still need to be done (call the presses)

I can't even imagine how men deal with these women and pay all the bills and support their "hobbies". WTF... why did you ever let it get this bad.

You let her become a child and now she is acting like a child. Get a job!

Sure she will get 1/2 but you say get therapy for your anxiety or GTFO.

Come on man!

The things you are complaining about doing seem like normal things. Didn’t your parents do these things while you were growing up (Wipe counters, sweep the floor, do the dishes, go over your spelling words, put kids to bed)?

I would be annoyed too if this stuff wasn’t done. I would have planned on having an evening out with friends and then coming home, maybe have a drink, and have sex with my husband. Now I have to finish cleaning the kitchen, scrub whatever is soaking in the sink, and plan on getting my kid up early in the morning so we can go over spelling words. That kind of sucks.

Anyway, this all seems pretty normal and very different from what the OP is talking about.

Those things can wait till the next day. I learned not to be OCD, crazy control freak. Did you mom hit you with wire hangers if you used them?

No actually you don’t have to finish scrubbing leave it … live a little.

You know what, if my husband was like, “I am planning to get up extra early tomorrow morning/get home from work early tomorrow afternoon and get the dishes done and the kitchen cleaned up,” I would be totally fine with that.

In reality though, the next day, he leaves for work at 6:45 and doesn’t do them. The kids and I have to get ready and leave by 7:30 and we don’t do them. No one is home until 4:30 in the afternoon, and then there is soccer and ballet and piano and homework. He shows up at 6:00 expecting dinner (because he is the main breadwinner and I work part time), and the kitchen still isn’t wiped down and the dishes are still in the sink.

I know your crazy brain thinks you made a point but you didn’t.

Now you make dinner and that night the kitchen gets wiped down and magically nobody died.

It’s okay honey, I think you should try it, only wipe the counter every other night. It’s a small start in your exposure therapy.

No. I don’t know what happened in your home growing up, but feeding your children on tables/counters that are visibly dirty is not normal. This is not me or your wife being “OCD.”

Your 2nd challenge for exposure therapy … camping. Eating at a dirty picnic tables.

Yea you’re a little OCD and very controlling.

I’m not kidding your life will be infinitely better if you can get over being a control freak. Your kids and H will actually like you

I don't get the feeling that a lot of people like the person posting this. They seem controlling to me by constantly putting down others rather than just stating their own thoughts. If you want to live like a slob, it's actually not that hard. Live by yourself or find someone else with a similar goal. You will be more likable because you will have found your match. Not that hard in America to find.

It's not living like a slob, but if you want to be a psycho who walks around your house doing rounds with a white glove... then LIVE BY YOURSELF, leave normally adjusted people alone.

Of course.
There is a lot of room between walking around with a white glove, and leaving dirty pots in the sink/not wiping up normal crumbs and spills that occur during meals with children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most women are controlling... men must...

clean kitchen including wipe stove, sweep, wipe all counters, nothing soaking or they are children
put kids to bed exactly how she does
do morning routine exactly how she does.
when she goes out she comes home and immediately does a full analysis of what food was fed to the kids, homework checks, bedtime checks and they yells at husband because spelling words still need to be done (call the presses)

I can't even imagine how men deal with these women and pay all the bills and support their "hobbies". WTF... why did you ever let it get this bad.

You let her become a child and now she is acting like a child. Get a job!

Sure she will get 1/2 but you say get therapy for your anxiety or GTFO.

Come on man!

Children don't usually go around double checking what the other responsible adult did.

When DH cleans up after dinner, he often does a cursory wipe down of the counter. I can still see water puddles and crumbs, so I have to wipe it down after him because if I tell him that he left crumbs and water puddles, I'll get the response of "it's never good enough". Yea, the whole purpose of wiping down the counter is to remove all the crumbs and water puddles, so that wasn't good.

it's great when he does laundry, but I've told him many many times that certain items need to be hung up to dry or separated because of shrinkage and bleed. He can't be bothered. He just chucks everything out of the washer into the dryer without checking for those items that need to be hung up. I'm not going to wash 5 items of clothing separately just because he can't be bothered to check. He's lost a few shirts to shrinkage because he couldn't be bothered to check. Normally, I'd say that's his natural consequences, but our finances are combined, so when he ruins clothes, he has to go out and buy new ones, with our money. I'm not going to separate our finances just because of this issue. IMO separate finances are more of a hassle than remembering to check the items in the laundry.

So, while there may be more than one way to do something, that doesn't always equate to doing that something such that there are no negative consequences.

I'll admit that I can be an exacting person. But, I have over the years learned to let some stuff go. OTH, DH has also learned to be a bit more careful and conscientious about stuff. He checks the laundry items more regularly now.

As we say, "I care too much; he cares too little". So, we've had to find a happy medium.

When I was much more exacting of my kids and spouse, it was because I felt like DH wasn't doing enough. So, I had to put more effort in, which stressed me out much more. He had in the past not cared enough to pay attention to certain things. So, that made me more controlling, and miserable. Believe me, I didn't want to be this controlling or this miserable myself. But, let's face it.. most women take on most of the mental and physical load of childcare and house chores.

I don't know if OP's DW had a similar experience to mine. Maybe in the past she felt this way, and so it's hard for her to let go of it. If she lived this way for years, it's not like if the husband starts doing more stuff all those years of bitterness will melt away quickly.

Just my 2 cents.

Exacting is just a less disparaging way of saying controlling.
You're controlling.

if you read through the post, you can see why I ended up being controlling. But, exacting is not controlling. Look it up. If DH paid a bit more attention to the laundry such that he didn't keep shrinking the clothing, I wouldn't have to be controlling. That's not "exacting".

Most men just have a low bar for cleanliness and house chores.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most women are controlling... men must...

clean kitchen including wipe stove, sweep, wipe all counters, nothing soaking or they are children
put kids to bed exactly how she does
do morning routine exactly how she does.
when she goes out she comes home and immediately does a full analysis of what food was fed to the kids, homework checks, bedtime checks and they yells at husband because spelling words still need to be done (call the presses)

I can't even imagine how men deal with these women and pay all the bills and support their "hobbies". WTF... why did you ever let it get this bad.

You let her become a child and now she is acting like a child. Get a job!

Sure she will get 1/2 but you say get therapy for your anxiety or GTFO.

Come on man!

The things you are complaining about doing seem like normal things. Didn’t your parents do these things while you were growing up (Wipe counters, sweep the floor, do the dishes, go over your spelling words, put kids to bed)?

I would be annoyed too if this stuff wasn’t done. I would have planned on having an evening out with friends and then coming home, maybe have a drink, and have sex with my husband. Now I have to finish cleaning the kitchen, scrub whatever is soaking in the sink, and plan on getting my kid up early in the morning so we can go over spelling words. That kind of sucks.

Anyway, this all seems pretty normal and very different from what the OP is talking about.

Those things can wait till the next day. I learned not to be OCD, crazy control freak. Did you mom hit you with wire hangers if you used them?

No actually you don’t have to finish scrubbing leave it … live a little.

You know what, if my husband was like, “I am planning to get up extra early tomorrow morning/get home from work early tomorrow afternoon and get the dishes done and the kitchen cleaned up,” I would be totally fine with that.

In reality though, the next day, he leaves for work at 6:45 and doesn’t do them. The kids and I have to get ready and leave by 7:30 and we don’t do them. No one is home until 4:30 in the afternoon, and then there is soccer and ballet and piano and homework. He shows up at 6:00 expecting dinner (because he is the main breadwinner and I work part time), and the kitchen still isn’t wiped down and the dishes are still in the sink.

I know your crazy brain thinks you made a point but you didn’t.

Now you make dinner and that night the kitchen gets wiped down and magically nobody died.

It’s okay honey, I think you should try it, only wipe the counter every other night. It’s a small start in your exposure therapy.

No. I don’t know what happened in your home growing up, but feeding your children on tables/counters that are visibly dirty is not normal. This is not me or your wife being “OCD.”

Your 2nd challenge for exposure therapy … camping. Eating at a dirty picnic tables.

Yea you’re a little OCD and very controlling.

I’m not kidding your life will be infinitely better if you can get over being a control freak. Your kids and H will actually like you

dp.. I don't know about you, but my kitchen is not the outdoors.