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[quote=Anonymous]	I don’t know, op, the politics would annoy me. Might she be needing some kind of validation that you have her back since you don’t seem to have it on the home front?

I wasn’t a fan of you talking about how your relationship with your kid is so great and your wife’s isn’t, that was just mean.  Also, power struggles are fine, you don’t make it clear if what your wife and kid fight about matters or what is going on there. I’ll say that the time of day matters too, my kid loves crocks, and he can’t wear them at school per policy of the school. So, if he wants to wear them to school, we in a sense have a power struggle over something that to an adult doesn’t matter, an adult can wear crocks all day long. I can go to my kid’s school wearing crocks, he cannot. On the other hand, nobody cares what footware he wears when he goes to karate, so if my husband told him “get ready for karate” the shoe battle wouldn’t be a factor, kid would default to crocks anyway, but if he didn’t, so what? 
You come off as the “cool dad” anything goes, and for you maybe it does. That being said, this isn’t your wife’s world or reality. She may parent a lot better if she felt you supported her or told your kid “mom can tell you to do anything that’s legal, and you’d better do it” or “this matters to your mom, do it”. Then if you really think mom is overreacting, talk to her about it later, but also listen to what she has to say. All of us pass down preferences to our kids and some of them are only because the adult in charge wants it done a certain way, and as I told my teenager the other day “I am the adult, I want our home a certain way, when you are an adult and have a home of your own, you can serve your dog dinner at the kitchen table, let him lounge on the furniture, you can even let him poop indoors if you see fit, none of that will be happening in my home.
Try being nice to your wife, making her feel like you care about her and value her contributions as a mom and you might get a very different household. Or, divorce, that too is an option. Whatever you do, don’t use fear, we all know you don’t mean it, and your kid will start using language to push your buttons if they haven’t already. “Well, dad, if you don’t let me spend the night at my boyfriend’s house, I’ll just never talk to you again”.  When I was a kid, that was called being a snotty teen, now it’s “a threat to go no contact”. Same behavior but not it sounds a lot scarier and gives a kid way more power then they need.  We also know you aren’t really afraid of how your wife would parent, if you really worried about it, you’d divorce, get your own place and when CPS gets involved on your wife’s parenting time, you then have a safe place for your kid to go. If you were truly worried, that’s what you’d be doing, because if you were afraid of abuse, you’d be deemed complicit by virtue of staying married to the abuser. Sounds to me like these are just garden variety parting issues we all go through but you are taking your position way more seriously then you should be. You are just a dad who either comes home when there is no need for a power struggle, or you are the dad that would send the kid to school in the wrong footware, the dad who’s always late getting his kid to or from practice, the dad that tells the librarian “It’s just a book, who cares if we didn’t bring it back” when the point of the library is to check out and return books. 
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