Written agreement as a compromise

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If one spouse doesn't want a dog as much as OP doesn't want a dog, there shouldn't be a dog

No kidding. Does your dh realize your level of hatred for dogs?

I don’t think hatred is an appropriate accusation. There’s no abuse intended. It’s like saying people who don’t want kids hate them.

I have found this to be true regarding people who don't want kids--they do hate them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I only hope that when you want something and your spouse doesn't, that they make you sign an agreement as to whether they will help you out if help is needed or if something goes wrong.

If my spouse asked me to sign an agreement like what you are proposing, it would set off alarm bells in my head. Out of spite, I would be looking to get back at my spouse as soon as they wanted something that I didn't want.

A dog involves daily picking up feeces. If you don’t enjoy a dog then that’s a lot.

Plus a man who wants a dog and is already angling to dump the clean up on his wife sounds like a user.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a dog, one that I wanted more than my spouse. I told him I would take care of everything! So we got the dog. Spouse loves the dog and yet I still ended up doing most of the care because I said I would, before we even met the dog.

There was a LOT of animosity and I was very angry and bitter. Because DH was “benefitting” from our family pet yet I was doing all of the work.

We had a knock down, drag out fight and finally ended up on the same page. It took a long time. We should have communicated honestly from the get-go.

You’re kind of a jerk. I feel bad for your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If one spouse doesn't want a dog as much as OP doesn't want a dog, there shouldn't be a dog

No kidding. Does your dh realize your level of hatred for dogs?

I don’t think hatred is an appropriate accusation. There’s no abuse intended. It’s like saying people who don’t want kids hate them.

Flat out refusal to attend to the dog's needs if necessary is abuse. What if her husband is ill, or in the hospital? Say he gets into a car accident and is hospitalized. According to Op's agreement she will ignore the dog. No food, no water, no trips outside. Neglect/abuse.

Okay, but OP has done none of that yet. Her husband should realize that he would be bringing a dog into a bad situation, and not get a dog. If he knowingly brings a dog into this house, HE is the one who is not thinking of the dog and prioritizing his desires above the dog's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spouse really wants a dog and I don’t. I don’t see the point of pet ownership to begin with but anyway, I’m thinking if this is a hill to die on, then I would want us to sign a written agreement first to indicate that Spouse understands I will spend zero time, money, and effort on this dog. This means that Spouse has to understand I’m never going to do any of the following such as walking the dog, paying for medical needs, or cleaning up dog poop/pee/vomit on the carpet. Spouse can do all of that and I do not want to help in any way with regards to the dog. Has anyone done this and how did it work out for you at home?

OP: Do you feel the same way about children?

This is stupid. Anyone who equates a dog with a human being has mental problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If one spouse doesn't want a dog as much as OP doesn't want a dog, there shouldn't be a dog

No kidding. Does your dh realize your level of hatred for dogs?

I don’t think hatred is an appropriate accusation. There’s no abuse intended. It’s like saying people who don’t want kids hate them.

I have found this to be true regarding people who don't want kids--they do hate them.

Don't get out much, eh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If one spouse doesn't want a dog as much as OP doesn't want a dog, there shouldn't be a dog

No kidding. Does your dh realize your level of hatred for dogs?

I don’t think hatred is an appropriate accusation. There’s no abuse intended. It’s like saying people who don’t want kids hate them.

I have found this to be true regarding people who don't want kids--they do hate them.

Perhaps it's just YOUR children, PP.

[Anonymous]

Instead of a contract, I would have a very clear conversation about how this will work. Who will care for dog if he gets sick? Travels for work? Has to work late? What is his plan for training the dog so it has mice manners?
I think it’s unreasonable to say you will never ever pitch in if there’s a true emergency but you should not be the expected Plan B here. Lots of single people have dogs so it is reasonable to assume that one person can care for a dog with the right supports.

I don’t really get the money thing though. Don’t you have shared accounts? Dogs are expensive especially if he will need to board the dog whenever he travels and pay for dog walker wjenever he will be out of the house for more than a few hours. Do you have kids? As part of getting a dog, each kid agreed to do 5-7 walks per week. That sometimes means that they have to come home early from activities with friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay but what would you do? Spouse just left for work and dog is whining at the empty water bowl. Do you give the dog a little water? Make spouse come back? Leave the dog thirsty even though you're home all day? Charge spouse a tax?

Trust me if the dog has diarrhea one day you won't be casually just leaving that for spouse's eventual return.

This won't work. Dogs are living beings. If you dislike them so much you will not like how much they affect your life. It will not be possible for the dog to be a spouse thing separate from you. There will be too many lines crossed. There will be too many possible situations you will have to step in, and ultimately the dog won't understand why it communicates to you but you won't meet its need thus making it really hard to properly train and socialize the dog.

Have you realized that what you described is why the OP doesn’t want a dog?

But the PPs point is that what she described is the exact reason an agreement wouldn’t work. It’s not logistically feasible for OP.

Then perhaps the spouse needs to be pro-active and do things to not make the dog OP’s responsibility when the spouse isn’t home. Like put the dog in a doggie daycare when they’re at work for example. Hire a dog walker. Clean up after the dog or hire someone.

It’s. Not. Feasible.

As the first PP said, you can’t account for every situation, and training is exponentially more difficult—if not impossible—if one party is ignoring the dog.

Then how do single people have a dog? You make it sound like the spouse needs the OP’s assistance but why can’t the spouse just figure the dog out ?

NP. I’ve had friends jump in to help with my cats when I was single. One cat sit for me for a week. One came and fed my cats when our cat sitter backed out at the last minute. One fed my cats the first day I was home after surgery and couldn’t get around (she was also caring for me!) plus a coworker covered for me once when I had to take a cat to the emergency vet. That’s over a ten year period, and cats are easier than dogs, but still. Sh*t happens.

If a neighbor texted me full of apologies, said he was stuck at work and asked me to run over and walk the dog, I’d happily do it (and I’m not a dog person). If I got there and his able bodied wife was just sitting there? I’d be pissed.

OP, honestly, if you really hate dogs THIS MUCH you should not get a dog. If he gets a dog, YOU need to be your husband’s emergency backup. That’s what marriage is.

It’s totally reasonable to demand that your husband handle all dog care as the regular order of things. If you’re concerned that he’d shirk that responsibility because of a history of responsibility-shirking, then absolutely do not get a dog! A “contract” isn’t going to solve that. If you think he’s unrealistic about dog care, maybe start by fostering and see how it goes. But if your husband has a dog, you’re not going to get through the dog’s whole life without ever walking him once. You need to accept that, or you need to not let a dog into your house.

This. And not only that, I'd think the able-bodied spouse was a whole host of non-complimentary things. So, OP, if you want your neighbors and friends thinking poorly of you, please proceed with this plan.

[Anonymous]

Another idea, short of fostering, is to have your husband offer to dog sit a neighbor’s dog when they go on vacation. That will give you at least a sneak peview into how much work it is. But don’t pet sit an ancient shih tzu and think it will give a fair idea of owning a lab puppy! It should be a similar breed/age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spouse really wants a dog and I don’t. I don’t see the point of pet ownership to begin with but anyway, I’m thinking if this is a hill to die on, then I would want us to sign a written agreement first to indicate that Spouse understands I will spend zero time, money, and effort on this dog. This means that Spouse has to understand I’m never going to do any of the following such as walking the dog, paying for medical needs, or cleaning up dog poop/pee/vomit on the carpet. Spouse can do all of that and I do not want to help in any way with regards to the dog. Has anyone done this and how did it work out for you at home?

OP: Do you feel the same way about children?

This is stupid. Anyone who equates a dog with a human being has mental problems.

Dogs are not humans or equivalent to kids, but the same "it just takes one no to veto" rule applies. Pets are family decisions: everybody has to be on board or it doesn't happen. This is also why pets should never be surprise gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If one spouse doesn't want a dog as much as OP doesn't want a dog, there shouldn't be a dog

No kidding. Does your dh realize your level of hatred for dogs?

I don’t think hatred is an appropriate accusation. There’s no abuse intended. It’s like saying people who don’t want kids hate them.

I have found this to be true regarding people who don't want kids--they do hate them.

Perhaps it's just YOUR children, PP.

😆😆😆

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This belongs in the relationship forum, not the pets forum. This whole signing an agreement thing...it is a result of failure to compromise, communicate, and respect each other.

Agree - relationship thing. And if this is what it takes for your spouse to stick to their word than do it. But it reeks of a larger problem, and this is just a symptom.

[Anonymous]

You will separate, over the dog and probably fight over custody. Its' not a good start op.

[Anonymous]

Yeah I don’t think this is all about a dog. Feels like there are bigger issues here.