Calling your kids your best friends?

[Anonymous]

It's creepy and inappropriate. Parents need to have their own lives outside of their children. It puts too much pressure and blurs the line of parental responsibility.

[Anonymous]

I never forget that I am my kid's parent and not her friend -- I play a special role that no one else does.

That said I just really really like my kid a lot and I do think of her as a "best friend" in the sense that I'd rather hang out with her than most other people. I don't relate to her the way I would relate to a best friend -- for instance I'd never unload my problems or worries the way I might with a friend. But if I am going out to dinner or to get my nails done or to a movie and I have my pick of who to take -- it's DD. We'll have the best time and we're so comfortable together and there's zero awkwardness and we have so much love and empathy for each other. And this just gets more true as she's gotten older. I am already bracing myself for college because I know it's going to be tough to say goodbye even though I know it's important she go stretch her wings.

So "best friend" is not the right words for it but it probably comes closest to describing the love and affection and closeness I have with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorced, single moms usually create bizarre codependencies with their kids, especially their daughters. Saying it out loud is not the problem--it's the reliance on them for emotional support that is the issue.

+1
There is nothing wrong with "liking your child" as a pp tried to defend her incestual co-dependent relationship with her child. But to the degree that these people take it is too far and extremely unhealthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorced, single moms usually create bizarre codependencies with their kids, especially their daughters. Saying it out loud is not the problem--it's the reliance on them for emotional support that is the issue.

+1
There is nothing wrong with "liking your child" as a pp tried to defend her incestual co-dependent relationship with her child. But to the degree that these people take it is too far and extremely unhealthy.

But OP didn't say that this woman is relying on her kids for emotional support. She's taking them to amusement parks and enjoying their time there together as a family.

You also don't have to be divorced or call your kids your "best friends" to have co-dependent relationships with them. I was co-dependent with my mom for a long time even though she and my dad are still married and my mom doesn't even seem to like me sometimes. She certainly would never describe me as her best friend. But she got married very young and my dad offers zero emotional support. She's also from an abusive background. She turned me into her therapist and I was where she dumped all her negative feelings about herself and her own life. When I finally had the chance I moved as far away as possible in order to create some boundaries and have my own life but I still struggle with the impact of that experience -- I still find myself drawn into relationships with co-dependent people who want to use me because it's what is familiar to me.

I don't get that vibe at all from what OP is describing. It's okay to enjoy spending time with your kids and to really like them. You can even call them your best friends. The issue is whether you force your kids into emotional support roles and whether you engage in relationship reversals with them where you are the child and they are the parent who supports and validates you. That's what is dangerous and it has nothing to do with being divorced or not or whether or not you describe your kids as best friends.

[Anonymous]

It just signifies an enmeshed family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our kids are all adults and probably ARE my best friends.

I try to parent my kid to leave open the possibility for this when she is grown. Not just for me but for her. I wish I viewed my parents as friends or people I could spend time with comfortable and feel happy and relaxed and supported.

As you get older you realize how much family matters and having really positive and mutually warm relationships with family members makes such a difference in quality of life. You might that with friends sometimes but it doesn't always last. Family is for life and friends are often ships that pass through your life.

I see what people are saying about avoiding co-dependency and enmeshment but I think the best way to do that is to be an emotionally mature person generally. If you are emotionally mature and have good boundaries with your kids then there is no reason you can't also be friends with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorced, single moms usually create bizarre codependencies with their kids, especially their daughters. Saying it out loud is not the problem--it's the reliance on them for emotional support that is the issue.

+1
There is nothing wrong with "liking your child" as a pp tried to defend her incestual co-dependent relationship with her child. But to the degree that these people take it is too far and extremely unhealthy.

But OP didn't say that this woman is relying on her kids for emotional support. She's taking them to amusement parks and enjoying their time there together as a family.

You also don't have to be divorced or call your kids your "best friends" to have co-dependent relationships with them. I was co-dependent with my mom for a long time even though she and my dad are still married and my mom doesn't even seem to like me sometimes. She certainly would never describe me as her best friend. But she got married very young and my dad offers zero emotional support. She's also from an abusive background. She turned me into her therapist and I was where she dumped all her negative feelings about herself and her own life. When I finally had the chance I moved as far away as possible in order to create some boundaries and have my own life but I still struggle with the impact of that experience -- I still find myself drawn into relationships with co-dependent people who want to use me because it's what is familiar to me.

I don't get that vibe at all from what OP is describing. It's okay to enjoy spending time with your kids and to really like them. You can even call them your best friends. The issue is whether you force your kids into emotional support roles and whether you engage in relationship reversals with them where you are the child and they are the parent who supports and validates you. That's what is dangerous and it has nothing to do with being divorced or not or whether or not you describe your kids as best friends.

You don't see any possibility of overlap between parents who call their kids their best friends and parents who use their children as this type of support? C'mon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorced, single moms usually create bizarre codependencies with their kids, especially their daughters. Saying it out loud is not the problem--it's the reliance on them for emotional support that is the issue.

+1
There is nothing wrong with "liking your child" as a pp tried to defend her incestual co-dependent relationship with her child. But to the degree that these people take it is too far and extremely unhealthy.

But OP didn't say that this woman is relying on her kids for emotional support. She's taking them to amusement parks and enjoying their time there together as a family.

You also don't have to be divorced or call your kids your "best friends" to have co-dependent relationships with them. I was co-dependent with my mom for a long time even though she and my dad are still married and my mom doesn't even seem to like me sometimes. She certainly would never describe me as her best friend. But she got married very young and my dad offers zero emotional support. She's also from an abusive background. She turned me into her therapist and I was where she dumped all her negative feelings about herself and her own life. When I finally had the chance I moved as far away as possible in order to create some boundaries and have my own life but I still struggle with the impact of that experience -- I still find myself drawn into relationships with co-dependent people who want to use me because it's what is familiar to me.

I don't get that vibe at all from what OP is describing. It's okay to enjoy spending time with your kids and to really like them. You can even call them your best friends. The issue is whether you force your kids into emotional support roles and whether you engage in relationship reversals with them where you are the child and they are the parent who supports and validates you. That's what is dangerous and it has nothing to do with being divorced or not or whether or not you describe your kids as best friends.

You don't see any possibility of overlap between parents who call their kids their best friends and parents who use their children as this type of support? C'mon.

Honestly -- no. The people I know who call their kids their best friends are mature people who are family oriented and have good boundaries generally. When they say this they literally just mean "I really like spending time with my kids." They all have adult friends and their own lives and are not living through their kids. They just really like them.

I also know people who would never call their kids their best friends but who have weird enmeshment and codependency. Like my aunt who will not allow her teenage son to play a sport at school because she needs him available on weekends to help around the house. Or the high school friend who talks about her sons (who she had when she was a teenager) like they are surrogate husbands (but never calls them her friends or buddies).

I think a lot of you are reading way too much into this -- I think it's just something parents say to express how much they enjoy their kids and not some sign of a nefarious or unhealthy relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorced, single moms usually create bizarre codependencies with their kids, especially their daughters. Saying it out loud is not the problem--it's the reliance on them for emotional support that is the issue.

+1
There is nothing wrong with "liking your child" as a pp tried to defend her incestual co-dependent relationship with her child. But to the degree that these people take it is too far and extremely unhealthy.

But OP didn't say that this woman is relying on her kids for emotional support. She's taking them to amusement parks and enjoying their time there together as a family.

You also don't have to be divorced or call your kids your "best friends" to have co-dependent relationships with them. I was co-dependent with my mom for a long time even though she and my dad are still married and my mom doesn't even seem to like me sometimes. She certainly would never describe me as her best friend. But she got married very young and my dad offers zero emotional support. She's also from an abusive background. She turned me into her therapist and I was where she dumped all her negative feelings about herself and her own life. When I finally had the chance I moved as far away as possible in order to create some boundaries and have my own life but I still struggle with the impact of that experience -- I still find myself drawn into relationships with co-dependent people who want to use me because it's what is familiar to me.

I don't get that vibe at all from what OP is describing. It's okay to enjoy spending time with your kids and to really like them. You can even call them your best friends. The issue is whether you force your kids into emotional support roles and whether you engage in relationship reversals with them where you are the child and they are the parent who supports and validates you. That's what is dangerous and it has nothing to do with being divorced or not or whether or not you describe your kids as best friends.

You don't see any possibility of overlap between parents who call their kids their best friends and parents who use their children as this type of support? C'mon.

Honestly -- no. The people I know who call their kids their best friends are mature people who are family oriented and have good boundaries generally. When they say this they literally just mean "I really like spending time with my kids." They all have adult friends and their own lives and are not living through their kids. They just really like them.

I also know people who would never call their kids their best friends but who have weird enmeshment and codependency. Like my aunt who will not allow her teenage son to play a sport at school because she needs him available on weekends to help around the house. Or the high school friend who talks about her sons (who she had when she was a teenager) like they are surrogate husbands (but never calls them her friends or buddies).

I think a lot of you are reading way too much into this -- I think it's just something parents say to express how much they enjoy their kids and not some sign of a nefarious or unhealthy relationship.

LOL! Hard disagree to the bolded. But you sound like you're speaking about yourself, so of course you're going to defend your enmeshed creepy family style.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorced, single moms usually create bizarre codependencies with their kids, especially their daughters. Saying it out loud is not the problem--it's the reliance on them for emotional support that is the issue.

+1
There is nothing wrong with "liking your child" as a pp tried to defend her incestual co-dependent relationship with her child. But to the degree that these people take it is too far and extremely unhealthy.

But OP didn't say that this woman is relying on her kids for emotional support. She's taking them to amusement parks and enjoying their time there together as a family.

You also don't have to be divorced or call your kids your "best friends" to have co-dependent relationships with them. I was co-dependent with my mom for a long time even though she and my dad are still married and my mom doesn't even seem to like me sometimes. She certainly would never describe me as her best friend. But she got married very young and my dad offers zero emotional support. She's also from an abusive background. She turned me into her therapist and I was where she dumped all her negative feelings about herself and her own life. When I finally had the chance I moved as far away as possible in order to create some boundaries and have my own life but I still struggle with the impact of that experience -- I still find myself drawn into relationships with co-dependent people who want to use me because it's what is familiar to me.

I don't get that vibe at all from what OP is describing. It's okay to enjoy spending time with your kids and to really like them. You can even call them your best friends. The issue is whether you force your kids into emotional support roles and whether you engage in relationship reversals with them where you are the child and they are the parent who supports and validates you. That's what is dangerous and it has nothing to do with being divorced or not or whether or not you describe your kids as best friends.

You don't see any possibility of overlap between parents who call their kids their best friends and parents who use their children as this type of support? C'mon.

Honestly -- no. The people I know who call their kids their best friends are mature people who are family oriented and have good boundaries generally. When they say this they literally just mean "I really like spending time with my kids." They all have adult friends and their own lives and are not living through their kids. They just really like them.

I also know people who would never call their kids their best friends but who have weird enmeshment and codependency. Like my aunt who will not allow her teenage son to play a sport at school because she needs him available on weekends to help around the house. Or the high school friend who talks about her sons (who she had when she was a teenager) like they are surrogate husbands (but never calls them her friends or buddies).

I think a lot of you are reading way too much into this -- I think it's just something parents say to express how much they enjoy their kids and not some sign of a nefarious or unhealthy relationship.

LOL! Hard disagree to the bolded. But you sound like you're speaking about yourself, so of course you're going to defend your enmeshed creepy family style.

Ok agree to disagree. I feel confident my parenting style is healthy and that I have healthy boundaries with my kids. And I am glad they see me as an ally because it means they come to me with problems and trust me to help them. I'm not really worried about it but if using the word "friend" to describe a child freaks you out so much then I guess just don't do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorced, single moms usually create bizarre codependencies with their kids, especially their daughters. Saying it out loud is not the problem--it's the reliance on them for emotional support that is the issue.

+1
There is nothing wrong with "liking your child" as a pp tried to defend her incestual co-dependent relationship with her child. But to the degree that these people take it is too far and extremely unhealthy.

But OP didn't say that this woman is relying on her kids for emotional support. She's taking them to amusement parks and enjoying their time there together as a family.

You also don't have to be divorced or call your kids your "best friends" to have co-dependent relationships with them. I was co-dependent with my mom for a long time even though she and my dad are still married and my mom doesn't even seem to like me sometimes. She certainly would never describe me as her best friend. But she got married very young and my dad offers zero emotional support. She's also from an abusive background. She turned me into her therapist and I was where she dumped all her negative feelings about herself and her own life. When I finally had the chance I moved as far away as possible in order to create some boundaries and have my own life but I still struggle with the impact of that experience -- I still find myself drawn into relationships with co-dependent people who want to use me because it's what is familiar to me.

I don't get that vibe at all from what OP is describing. It's okay to enjoy spending time with your kids and to really like them. You can even call them your best friends. The issue is whether you force your kids into emotional support roles and whether you engage in relationship reversals with them where you are the child and they are the parent who supports and validates you. That's what is dangerous and it has nothing to do with being divorced or not or whether or not you describe your kids as best friends.

You don't see any possibility of overlap between parents who call their kids their best friends and parents who use their children as this type of support? C'mon.

Honestly -- no. The people I know who call their kids their best friends are mature people who are family oriented and have good boundaries generally. When they say this they literally just mean "I really like spending time with my kids." They all have adult friends and their own lives and are not living through their kids. They just really like them.

I also know people who would never call their kids their best friends but who have weird enmeshment and codependency. Like my aunt who will not allow her teenage son to play a sport at school because she needs him available on weekends to help around the house. Or the high school friend who talks about her sons (who she had when she was a teenager) like they are surrogate husbands (but never calls them her friends or buddies).

I think a lot of you are reading way too much into this -- I think it's just something parents say to express how much they enjoy their kids and not some sign of a nefarious or unhealthy relationship.

LOL! Hard disagree to the bolded. But you sound like you're speaking about yourself, so of course you're going to defend your enmeshed creepy family style.

Ok agree to disagree. I feel confident my parenting style is healthy and that I have healthy boundaries with my kids. And I am glad they see me as an ally because it means they come to me with problems and trust me to help them. I'm not really worried about it but if using the word "friend" to describe a child freaks you out so much then I guess just don't do it.

ally =/= best friend