Calling your kids your best friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I call my 5 year old my best friend. It makes him feel important. I don’t tell him it’s not true—he certainly doesn’t relate to me as a peer nor does he have my life experience. I don’t say it in front of other people (except my DH—again, it makes the 5 year old feel important “I’m mommy’s best friend!), I don’t have social media, and I can’t imagine saying it when he’s 10. For now, he’s little. It’s not a big deal.

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I do the same thing with my 5yo DS! Totally fine with a little kid in my review. My 8yo on the other hand is def beyond this.

[Anonymous]

I think DD age 12 is wiser beyond her years and I deal in an industry that works with many personalities and executive levels. She makes me laugh so hard, is so witty and I actually value her opinions and sometimes her advice is on par with an adult/truly good. She is in a sense my best friend in that I like her. I love her as my daughter but I like her more than I like most people - it's true

So when I call her my best friend, some of it is that I really do think she is so awesome she is like a best friend. She's not perfect and I do have to be bad mom sometimes of course. But that notwithstanding, I have a great amount of respect for her as an individual. She has a sense of self greater than most adults I know. So I don't see her as "just a kid" in the sense of I respect she's a person who has her own thoughts, ideas, feelings. I used to think a 10 year old was just a kid who doesn't know shit. DD taught me that a 10 year old can be immature in a lot of ways and still worthy of being listened to as an individual. I don't think of her as a mature adult of course who knows the right answer to everything and definitely requires adult guidance. So my liking of her does not take a back seat to being mom and putting my foot down when I need to

But I think you can absolutely have a kid with a personality and maturity that perhaps fits so well with a parent that they are to an extent friends. And as the kid grows up, I definitely can see mom and daughters becoming friends. In fact, in a perfect world, I would hope for more. Why wouldn't you want to do things with your kid??? That doesn't mean you don't have limits or need to be with them 24/7. Just means a lot of like is there!

[Anonymous]

For some, it's just something to say. For other parents, it's a sign of purposeful codependence and an inability to recognize that their children are separate individuals and that a parent-child relationship is not a friendship when it's healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think about it like that, but I have to admit that sometimes, my teen daughter and I have a bond of mutual non-verbal understanding that it entirely lacking between my husband or my son, who are both on the spectrum, albeit high-functioning. They don't get non-verbal cues. With them, you can't do a little flash of eye contact and transmit slivers of intelligence. With my daughter, I can. It's a great relief to have at least one person in my family like this.

So in that sense, she's my best friend. But I would never say that out loud, or write it out except anonymously. Because of course we also have a parent-child relationship.

I'm sad about your casual dismissal of connecting with your child just because they have a different way of communicating.


My best friend doesn't even live in the same state of me. Winking isn't what makes someone a best friend.

Reading comprehension. Practice it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For some, it's just something to say. For other parents, it's a sign of purposeful codependence and an inability to recognize that their children are separate individuals and that a parent-child relationship is not a friendship when it's healthy.

Why is it unhealthy to like your kid?? Just because you like your kid and you enjoy them as a personality to hang out with - does that mean you cannot be their parent - really? So as a parent, I cannot like my kid, I can only what? Tell them what to do or not do?? LOL

I really enjoy my kid - she's a hoot and age 11. I'm sure she would tell you that I am every bit of mean mom when I need to parent up but I have no problem doing fun stuff with her and when she's older, look forward to doing more things together. If she does not prefer to do them with me but her friends, that is totally understandable but just saying, from my perspective, I don't think of her as some thing that I cannot have any fun with. I hope to god she would like me enough to actually want to be near me!

This parent-child relationship you feel that is "healthy" - hopefully the kid isn't terrified of stand-off mom!

[Anonymous]

I wish my mom were my best friend. My mom is kind and intelligent, but not affectionate at all. She rarely calls and I cannot read her emotions at all.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure she wasn't being silly? I posted something when I took my kids out for dinner about best friends out for happy hour. It was a joke, my kids had their first Shirly Temples ever. Maybe someone like you thought I was serious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our kids are all adults and probably ARE my best friends.

I agree. And I'm best friends with my mom. It's not like we don't have other close friends, it's just that our kids are the best ones!

[Anonymous]

I call my kids my besties sometimes when we are talking. Clearly I dont share my innermost secrets with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think lying about it is great. But if it's true, it's OK.
Beware of putting too much on your kid's shoulders, though.

Yeah- at some point in my childhood my mom starting calling me her “best friend” (and still dies) and I don’t know why. I was always closer to my dad, she was rather volatile and I never really confided in her. Plus I have two younger siblings, so holy awkward. She had different pet names for them but of course “best” implies favorite, which they resented.

[Anonymous]

Does, not dies!

[Anonymous]

I think it’s fine as long as the kids don’t feel pressured to actually be their parents best friend.

[Anonymous]

Why is this an issue? Maybe it’s your insecurity stemming from the fact that you can’t relate to your kids or parents on that level. Best friend can mean a lot of different things like someone who you feel most comfortable hanging out with, someone you can act goofy with, someone you can laugh with and share precious memories with. Best friend doesn’t always mean sharing your deepest darkest secrets with. When you have a healthy attachment where you love each other’s company, there is nothing wrong with calling anyone in your family your best friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can only assume they don't have a dog.

This.

[Anonymous]

I tell my 3 year old she is my best friend, and she clarifies that I am a good friend but not her best friend. Then she talks about how great her then-current actual best friend is.