DS (17) Smoking in house again

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Is this a troll? I would go ape sh*t if my kid did this. Change the Wi-Fi password (it’s summer so he doesn’t need it for school). Take away his phone. Tell him he is getting no money from you for three months. He can pack food at home if he wants to eat when he is not in the house. I would not allow him to leave the house until school starts unless accompanied by me or spouse. I would come down hard on this.

And I would start monthly random drug testing.

+100 SAME!

Seems like OP is getting walked all over because they allow it and have zero boundaries for their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where is his father?

+1.

You don't need a father/man to set house rules.

You don't need a father/man to set expectations for your kids.

You don't need a father/man for your kids to respect you.

I'm happily married, but I sure don't need my husband to set the house rules.

That's nice. But that's not what was discussed or proposed.

When it comes to deterring or curbing high-risk adolescent behavior, fathers are a vital part of the equation.

Can you do it without them? Maybe.

Are you more likely to fail without their involvement? Yes.

Don't mislead mothers. The data is there for you to review it.

Good fathers are a vital part of the equation. Bad ones, with substance abuse, anger management issues, poorly managed mental health issues, are NOT good for kids.

Show me where anyone made the argument in favor of toxic fathers in this thread? That caveat was already stated.

[Anonymous]

The potheads declared that weed isn’t a gateway drug. Pot makes you dumb should be the data point. I’ve known a lot of potheads in my lifetime, and current kids of pothead parents. It is an addiction. Millenials/GenX potheads may be paying the bills, but are otherwise sloths. Soooo many sloths. Slow moving, lazy, pontificators. Op, your kid isn’t legal age. It is illegal to have weed in your home and to condone underage drug use. Fear of god works, try it. Cut him off. You’re only legally responsible for basic needs— food, water, shelter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I started drug testing my son after the first time. Any positive test resulted in loss of phone and Internet plus grounding. He never did it again.

This OP. Plus a rehab program. Smoking weed on regular basis as a teen a can cause permanent damage.

[Anonymous]

Troll post. OP asks for advice but has a million excuses for why son can’t be helped. So let him smoke weed and move on.

[Anonymous]

OP, my brother did this in high school. He was out the door courtesy of my dad the day after he turned 18.

[Anonymous]

re any of your teens mentally ill and have spent years in and out of hospitals and treatment centers? And have they been exceedingly violent and the juvenile justice and mental health systems left you dealing with it alone? If not, don’t judge. You might make the same decisions if you had actually walked in my shoes.

I'm sorry for your struggles, but I really do hope in your shoes I would not facilitate my teen self-medicating. Pot would absolutely be contra-indicated by any mental health meds your kid might be taking. And I did have a brother who sounds similar to your son, and my parents absolutely prohibited drug use in our house (which led to my brother moving out) - but he eventually got clean and is a functioning adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where is his father?

OP here - Divorced for 10 years. He sees the kids sometimes but is never any support in my household. Whenever he picks them up, he always causes some issues.

Uhhh sounds like the kids have issues that need causing. I’d kick him out to live with his dad and he can come back when he’s clean. You really want your other kids to think this ok? You are not parenting these kids you are boarding them. They’d be better off in boarding school.

[Anonymous]

google "scromiting."

It will help you treat this more seriously.

[Anonymous]

Do it again = no phone, no internet, etc.

They have too much free time & should get a job.

-Mom of successful young adults who is not insulted when described as a tiger mom, b* or whatever else. Not my job to be popular

[Anonymous]

My DH was allowed to smoke pot in his house growing up in the 1980s. He has had to fight addictions every step of the way as an adult, and some structure and rules early on would have helped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When we experienced this, we set parameters. Saying no wasn’t going to work. So we assigned acceptable locations for both storage of his smoking materials and using. I don’t like it but at least my house doesn’t smell and we aren’t fighting over something that I can’t control.

Bull. You are the parent and as long as they are living in your house. You are paying all the bill, they do as you say. Are you also going to allow them to drink alcohol before 18/21,?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When we experienced this, we set parameters. Saying no wasn’t going to work. So we assigned acceptable locations for both storage of his smoking materials and using. I don’t like it but at least my house doesn’t smell and we aren’t fighting over something that I can’t control.

Omg. Of course you can control it. You're the parent. This is weak parenting.