DS (17) Smoking in house again

[Anonymous]

A few nights ago I came home, and the house reeked of pot. Literally everywhere. I went up to his room, and he was with his friend, out of their minds.

This is the third time in the past 9ish months that I've caught DS and his friend smoking, and the second time it's been in the house. Before that, I had this issue a couple of times about a year ago with just my DS.

I'm not sure what to do. I sent his friend home because he was going to stay over and tried to talk to DS again. Should I just let this go? DS has one year left until college, but its not a path I want DS going down. His family has a history of addiction and other issues, so this is something I think needs to stop.

Looking for advice, thanks.

[Anonymous]

Talk to the friends parents. Take away your sons phone, money, anything. Enroll him in some classes so he's busy all the time.

[Anonymous]

When we experienced this, we set parameters. Saying no wasn’t going to work. So we assigned acceptable locations for both storage of his smoking materials and using. I don’t like it but at least my house doesn’t smell and we aren’t fighting over something that I can’t control.

[Anonymous]

When we experienced this, we set parameters. Saying no wasn’t going to work. So we assigned acceptable locations for both storage of his smoking materials and using. I don’t like it but at least my house doesn’t smell and we aren’t fighting over something that I can’t control.

Why can’t you prohibit your teen from smoking in your house? It seems crazy that your teen gets to decide what’s acceptable in your home. I have had four teens and would never be ok with setting “acceptable locations” for them to use smoke in my house. Do a little research on the effect of put on a teen brain - it might scare you into taking steps to get your teen to stop. My niece just finished rehab for pot addiction, and I guarantee that’s a path you want to avoid.

[Anonymous]

My SIL allowed it in the house with her DSs when they were in HS. Jump forward 15 years and both of them are still living in her house, smoking marijuana every day, and staying up all night playing video games and sleeping all day. One is unemployed while one is marginally employed (part time at Amazon warehouse). One never went to college at all, and the other earned only as AS degree in a trade that he doesn't work in because he "hates it."

Allowing the marijuana use may not have caused this situation, but it sure as hell didn't help--it began a pattern that has never changed. The best friend of these guys, whose parents were very strict and never allowed marijuana, whose parents SIL always called "ridiculous" for being strict, is in his first year of residency as a doctor. It's anecdotal, but...

[Anonymous]

Where is his father?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When we experienced this, we set parameters. Saying no wasn’t going to work. So we assigned acceptable locations for both storage of his smoking materials and using. I don’t like it but at least my house doesn’t smell and we aren’t fighting over something that I can’t control.

WHAT IN THE PERMISSIVE PARENTING HELL IS THIS?

You refuse to get your teen under control so you negotiate smoking pace and storage for him? I guess we know who's in charge in your house!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My SIL allowed it in the house with her DSs when they were in HS. Jump forward 15 years and both of them are still living in her house, smoking marijuana every day, and staying up all night playing video games and sleeping all day. One is unemployed while one is marginally employed (part time at Amazon warehouse). One never went to college at all, and the other earned only as AS degree in a trade that he doesn't work in because he "hates it."

Allowing the marijuana use may not have caused this situation, but it sure as hell didn't help--it began a pattern that has never changed. The best friend of these guys, whose parents were very strict and never allowed marijuana, whose parents SIL always called "ridiculous" for being strict, is in his first year of residency as a doctor. It's anecdotal, but...

I'm going to go ahead and say that if the marijuana had not been permitted to continue, that they wouldn't be where they are now.

Doesn't mean that they would have been Rhodes Scholars, but if your SIL had set a firm boundary and cut the crap out, I have no doubt they would have been better off than they are now. Marijuana dulls the brain, diminishes ambition and any sense of urgency. Sad.

Where was their father in all of this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL allowed it in the house with her DSs when they were in HS. Jump forward 15 years and both of them are still living in her house, smoking marijuana every day, and staying up all night playing video games and sleeping all day. One is unemployed while one is marginally employed (part time at Amazon warehouse). One never went to college at all, and the other earned only as AS degree in a trade that he doesn't work in because he "hates it."

Allowing the marijuana use may not have caused this situation, but it sure as hell didn't help--it began a pattern that has never changed. The best friend of these guys, whose parents were very strict and never allowed marijuana, whose parents SIL always called "ridiculous" for being strict, is in his first year of residency as a doctor. It's anecdotal, but...

I'm going to go ahead and say that if the marijuana had not been permitted to continue, that they wouldn't be where they are now.

Doesn't mean that they would have been Rhodes Scholars, but if your SIL had set a firm boundary and cut the crap out, I have no doubt they would have been better off than they are now. Marijuana dulls the brain, diminishes ambition and any sense of urgency. Sad.

Where was their father in all of this?

The father was present. And abusive. And also unemployed.

[Anonymous]

My mom sent me to out patient rehab for this sort of thing back in the day. They did weekly drug tests. I hated it but it stopped my use for a while. Picked it up again after college, in my 20s and still enjoy edibles from time to time now but am an otherwise productive member of society.

[Anonymous]

I started drug testing my son after the first time. Any positive test resulted in loss of phone and Internet plus grounding. He never did it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where is his father?

OP here - Divorced for 10 years. He sees the kids sometimes but is never any support in my household. Whenever he picks them up, he always causes some issues.

[Anonymous]

What does time to college have to do with anything? No more smoking ever again. Impose painful consequences every time that’s not the case. Tell the bad friend to stay away from your son. Throw away all smoking related stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

When we experienced this, we set parameters. Saying no wasn’t going to work. So we assigned acceptable locations for both storage of his smoking materials and using. I don’t like it but at least my house doesn’t smell and we aren’t fighting over something that I can’t control.

Why can’t you prohibit your teen from smoking in your house? It seems crazy that your teen gets to decide what’s acceptable in your home. I have had four teens and would never be ok with setting “acceptable locations” for them to use smoke in my house. Do a little research on the effect of put on a teen brain - it might scare you into taking steps to get your teen to stop. My niece just finished rehab for pot addiction, and I guarantee that’s a path you want to avoid.

Are any of your teens mentally ill and have spent years in and out of hospitals and treatment centers? And have they been exceedingly violent and the juvenile justice and mental health systems left you dealing with it alone? If not, don’t judge. You might make the same decisions if you had actually walked in my shoes.

[Anonymous]

You get him therapy, give him consequences and tell him if the behavior continues you aren't paying for college.