Frustrated that DH isn't more interested in looking for a new job

[Anonymous]

My DH had the easy job like your DH for while. It was great! He made about 180k, took the kids to all the activities and saved a lot of money from not eating out, getting coffee, Ubers, etc.
He now has a different job. He makes 190k, but spends a lot in lunches, coffee, dry clean, etc.
I work from home and have a nanny for my youngest, but need to take my two oldest to all activities (for the most part).

In our case, DH is likely to grow quite a bit in the next couple of years and possibly reach 300k+… so I am ok to be patient because the increase will be significant. But for 15-20k more? Not worth it in my opinion

[Anonymous]

So sick of SHAMs posting "my DH needs to make more money" threads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not really following why you think having a second kid means you have to move out of your three-bedroom house. That's a perfectly reasonable size house for a family of four?

Yes! I have two kids, and we raised our family in a three bedroom home. They are both college-age now and still living at home (while in school). I have one sibling and was also raised in 3 bedroom home. I don't see the problem.

[Anonymous]

we'll have to move out of our 3 bedroom house into something bigger

No you don't - that's ridiculous. He doesn't sound like he really wants a different job. Let him be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You aren’t “the breadwinner.”

NP, what constitutes a breadwinner then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You aren’t “the breadwinner.”

NP, what constitutes a breadwinner then?

If there’s more than a 100k salary differential.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You aren’t “the breadwinner.”

NP, what constitutes a breadwinner then?

If there’s more than a 100k salary differential.

So in a house of say a 40k and 100k income, no breadwinner?

[Anonymous]

Who gives AF who the "breadwinner" is?!?!

If you're keeping score like that, you're in a bad place. It's both of your money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With two small children, I would not give up 100% remote, comfortable job that I liked with good coworkers, and 5 weeks (!!) PTO for $5-10k a year unless my financial straights were dire.

I also wouldn’t refer to myself as the “breadwinner” if I was making $15k more.

Honestly, you only have a leg to stand on if he makes like $35k and you make $50k. Then, yeah, you’re the primary breadwinner and $5-10k would make a big difference.

But if he’s making, let’s say, $85k to your $100k, then 1) stop calling yourself the breadwinner, you are both bringing in a substantial chunk of your HHI income 2) he would be crazy to give up those perks to go from $185k HHI to $190k or $195k 3) you can live on $185k! Adjust your spending and expectations. You’re in a fabulous spot, don’t rock the boat 4) if you really really want upward mobility YOU need to find a way to give up your fed perks and make more in the private sector. But I would advise against that.

+1 to all of this. 2 kids is a shock to the system. If you want an equal partner in taking care of the kids and everything else, you want DH to have this flexible job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who gives AF who the "breadwinner" is?!?!

If you're keeping score like that, you're in a bad place. It's both of your money

This

I make 300k more than my wife and I have never considered myself the breadwinner. We each have our roles in the relationship.

It is our money she can do with it what she wants. I can’t even tell you the last time I looked at a transaction history.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who gives AF who the "breadwinner" is?!?!

If you're keeping score like that, you're in a bad place. It's both of your money

I think it could matter if one party was seriously underemployed and the other felt a lot of pressure to carry the family financially. In this case I don't think that's happening with a $15K salary difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You aren’t “the breadwinner.”

NP, what constitutes a breadwinner then?

I came on here to say the same thing. She calls herself the breadwinner because she makes a little more money than him. I breadwinner is thes sole supporter of the family. That is most definitely not her.