Not really happy with marriage counselor

[Anonymous]

His name was Joseph Lafleur. Dupont circle last time I checked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My marriage counselor, who was quoted in the Washingtonian, told me and my long- time spouse, “This marriage is dead” followed by “who is going to move out?” I was shocked. 2 years later— he was correct!

He knew something from someone! Go figure.

OP: Start doing what YOU WANT

being correct is not really the role of a therapist.

I would love to find a therapist like that. My dog can listen to me. I need advice

Therapists aren’t really supposed to give advice about specific actions. Ideally they are supposed to guide you to understand you patterns and values. A good therapist understands that apart from really clear-cut situations they can’t make factual judgments.

[Anonymous]

Marriage counseling made things worse for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:His name was Joseph Lafleur. Dupont circle last time I checked.

Is he southern?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His name was Joseph Lafleur. Dupont circle last time I checked.

Is he southern?

yup

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His name was Joseph Lafleur. Dupont circle last time I checked.

Is he southern?

yup

I got him talking but that’s on me. Form LA.

[Anonymous]

From

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marriage counseling made things worse for us.

In my case, the 7 am meetings before work were not helpful.

[Anonymous]

I'd move on, OP. I do not think the dynamic will get better and it is not going to be helpful to your marriage. BTDT.

[Anonymous]

Greg has been an amazing therapist; https://www.familywellnessgroup.com/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You and I, we may be dialoguing together. So to me, that sounds like a man who is trying. He is …. trying. You are not processing these efforts in a way he expects. You have your reasons. You may be interpreting and going through your own stuff.

Your responses sound familiar to me and my experience. I kept it mostly to myself.

Yes, he expects a trophy and is upset I am not even that happy. Did marriage counseling make things better or worse?

[Anonymous]

To answer that would be over simplifying. And ever experience is yada yada.

I can say, however, that my sister laughed when I told her the that only tool I learned was “go to a corner and retreat” (I’m being funny but that’s the gist). Neither of us could get out of the rut. Maybe I could have leaned how to escape the rut. Not sure.

ps We have kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To answer that would be over simplifying. And ever experience is yada yada.

I can say, however, that my sister laughed when I told her the that only tool I learned was “go to a corner and retreat” (I’m being funny but that’s the gist). Neither of us could get out of the rut. Maybe I could have leaned how to escape the rut. Not sure.

ps We have kids

Did you get divorced? Retreating instead of perpetuating a toxic type of argument seems like good advice.

[Anonymous]

We divorced in early 2021. Yes, It WAS good advice. The problem with our couples counseling is that (at least I) did not learn anything else. Upon reflection, my emotional learning was very limited growing up. His too.

During counseling we stuck to old, bad routines. Too much time at work, too transactional, etc.

I needed about a one month vacation—and for him to take care of the kids. Is that realistic? I don’t know. Maybe not. The divorce was very expensive. It was not worth the money. After all, my happiness is free. (I am happy now). I have NO idea how I would have written my own story differently: It happened to us and I can’t look back.

[Anonymous]

I had very few tools in my box. I was unrealistic for sure. He, in turn, was what a lot of guys are: Solution-oriented, full simple fixes, service-oriented, poor communicator and not full of soul-searching or dream making. Poor guy had no chance to make me fully happy, perhaps. I don’t know. It was a good run.