moving my family or traveling for a new job

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely move. My parents divorced after we didn't want to move and my Dad commuted about 10 days a month. But it took a huge toll on their marriage. At first it worked, but we had activities that he wasn't there for, things added up that needed to be done around the house, weekends were tiring and stressful. They didn't have any time for them. We were PIA's to my mom when she was probably ultra stressed. It was NOT a good time. He quit his job and took a local job, but it was too late. He lost his dream job, we lost 2 parents in the same home. Nothing was ever the same for either of my parents. I regret not wanting to move all together. My therapist hears about it a lot.

Your kids are in transition years at school and having lived in both areas, Boston very much has better schools. They shouldn't rule the house and they can adapt and since they are already in so many activities, will quickly make friends there.

The family needs to be together and you can't do that being a part time Dad. It will take its toll on you and everyone else.

+1. My Dad commuted for 3 years and I missed him terribly. On paper it seemed like a great idea, but the reality was awful. The situation stressed my mom out and just as we adjusted to being a family again it would be time for him to go back to his job, 3 hours away. Move the family together. Boston is a fabulous place and the kids will meet new friends and have great experiences. You can always have their DMV friends visit or they visit them. But as the poster said, do it before your child starts HS. Do it now. Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I had another discussion last night with our oldest kid and my wife. We almost decided we will stay and I will do the commute. We mainly consider the impact on my kids. They already set up everything here with swimming team, tennis club, and their friends, most of whom will go to the same midddle/high school. It is so hard for both of them to be uprooted everything from their familiar places especially given they were moved twice before and one of the moves was not pleasant due to my abrupt job change.

Boston is a great city but it is not so easy to adapt as DMV(weather, culture and etc.). School wise, there are best private colleges and schools in Boston but we plan to send our kids to public school and colleges. VA has one of best public colleges among all states.

Career and financial wise, I will get some impact but I want to do commute for about a year and will try to negotiate a better wfh term later if everything goes well.

In short, we cherish the last five years’ stability and want to make our kids continue feeling that way. I will deal with the uncertainty for my career and hopefully there will be a better solution some time later. BTW, we like DMV a lot even Boston is also a great city.

Good decision. Try it and adjust later if you need to. I was thinking, we don’t see DH at least 8 days per month and he lives with us. He travels for work and it’s always been that way. It’s okay. The kids don’t know anything different.