moving my family or traveling for a new job

[Anonymous]

If you move, rip the band aid off and do it now. Starting middle school and high school are the perfect times for this.

If this were the first time, I’d tell you to go ahead. Since you’ve done it two other times…this is hard for your kids.

[Anonymous]

MS and HS beginnings are easier than moving once started. For twice the salary, I know I’d jump at it if my husband and I were on the same page.

My father commuted, eventually got an apartment near his office, etc. and that was really, really hard. I missed him desperately, and my parents’ marriage almost fell apart — so much so that they almost divorced due to the unexpected strain of it all. Finally, my siblings, mom, and I moved to where he was and life felt much more complete.

[Anonymous]

yeah. It makes me feel better since they will be upgraded to middle school and high school. Our elementary school feeds 2/3 of the middle school and the middle school feeds more than 2/3 of the high school.

Anonymous wrote:Aren’t both of them going to new schools this year if they stay? I’d move

[Anonymous]

OP here. That is my worry too since I see the commute might become a permanent one and I don't know if I will be able to manage this after long time, say 3 years.

Anonymous wrote:MS and HS beginnings are easier than moving once started. For twice the salary, I know I’d jump at it if my husband and I were on the same page.

My father commuted, eventually got an apartment near his office, etc. and that was really, really hard. I missed him desperately, and my parents’ marriage almost fell apart — so much so that they almost divorced due to the unexpected strain of it all. Finally, my siblings, mom, and I moved to where he was and life felt much more complete.

[Anonymous]

Were the previous two moves for new jobs as well? Do you change jobs frequently?

I'm thinking what if you get to Boston and find out this job isn't all you thought it was, and a year or two down the line you want to change jobs again. Might not be working out where you are, might be for yet more money, who knows. Do you then move your family again and now the kids are going into 8th and 10th grade?

I actually know someone who did this, moved his family from the DMV to Boston for his amazing job opportunity. Two years later they were moving back to the DMV. So while moving when the kids are starting MS and HS is probably the "best" time at this age, I'd want to be as sure as I could be this wouldn't be happening again anytime soon.

[Anonymous]

I'd move them. This is the year to do it. I moved starting HS and it was kind of cool being the "new kid." Even though all Freshman were new to the HS, everyone knew I came from out of state. I was a swimmer, so I had an immediate home and my parents picked a school district that had a good swim team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. That is my worry too since I see the commute might become a permanent one and I don't know if I will be able to manage this after long time, say 3 years.

Anonymous wrote:MS and HS beginnings are easier than moving once started. For twice the salary, I know I’d jump at it if my husband and I were on the same page.

My father commuted, eventually got an apartment near his office, etc. and that was really, really hard. I missed him desperately, and my parents’ marriage almost fell apart — so much so that they almost divorced due to the unexpected strain of it all. Finally, my siblings, mom, and I moved to where he was and life felt much more complete.

I'm one of the PP's whose spouse works away. Your concern about sustaining the commute is spot on. In our case, it turned out that the opportunity was good but not forever good and spouse is coming back here in a few months.

If you decide to do the commute option, then you have to go in eyes open that it might be a long-term situation. It will only get harder to move the kids as they get older. So you may be weighing either a long-term commuting situation or the (hopefully) short term pain of uprooting the kids. What I would promise to them is that this move would be the last, and then stick to it.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are lucky bc this is the EXACT time to move given your kids' ages. Entering HS and MS is challenging for everyone, and might as well do so when it's a new school for everyone.

Otherwise, you are basically committing to this commute for the next four-plus years. It's much worse to uproot a kid already entrenched in a HS than it would be right now.

[Anonymous]

OP here. It is a legitimate concern. Yes, my previous move was due to job change too. At that time, my wife stayed at home and I did not have other choice but moving because I need more money to support my entire family. Right now, we are financially better off since my wife works too(even my income is the main income source) and we could still do relatively well in DMV area with out current income. My area is a niche market and Boston has the best job market for my area. I think I will just look for new job in Boston if the new job does not work for long term

Anonymous wrote:Were the previous two moves for new jobs as well? Do you change jobs frequently?

I'm thinking what if you get to Boston and find out this job isn't all you thought it was, and a year or two down the line you want to change jobs again. Might not be working out where you are, might be for yet more money, who knows. Do you then move your family again and now the kids are going into 8th and 10th grade?

I actually know someone who did this, moved his family from the DMV to Boston for his amazing job opportunity. Two years later they were moving back to the DMV. So while moving when the kids are starting MS and HS is probably the "best" time at this age, I'd want to be as sure as I could be this wouldn't be happening again anytime soon.

[Anonymous]

Boston in a heartbeat! You're kids will adjust and more importantly, your marriage will thrive. My DC would not be making this decision for my. It is a financially better place for the family, just do it. They'll survive.

[Anonymous]

Schools in the Boston area are so much better than here. It is night and day. I would 100% move. High school is an adjustment no matter what. Your kids will benefit from the better schools in the long run.

[Anonymous]

What does 8 days s month look like? Can you be on an 8 am flight to Boston every Monday and fly back Tuesday evening? That doesn’t seem so bad.

[Anonymous]

If your spouse has a support network and is able and willing to manage children and household with little help from you due to your schedule, stay put.

I would sit with wife and children and discuss disadvantages of moving, advantages of being in Boston where many top colleges are, financial advantage of you taking this job, financial disadvantages of passing this job, being a united family or you becoming a visiting dad, etc. You yourself have to be open minded about it and ask them to come willing to discuss not just everyone sticking to their guns.

[Anonymous]

It is tough on children to uproot themselves from everything they know and become transplants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are lucky bc this is the EXACT time to move given your kids' ages. Entering HS and MS is challenging for everyone, and might as well do so when it's a new school for everyone.

Otherwise, you are basically committing to this commute for the next four-plus years. It's much worse to uproot a kid already entrenched in a HS than it would be right now.

That sure is one advantage.