how to deal with GF when she goes in a silent mode after argument

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How often is this happening, where you are “telling her something you don’t like”? Can you give an example? How frequent are these episodes of your criticism and her silent treatment?

Op here. Not a lot, may be like once or twice a month and it is not that I say anything bad to her. If I tell her she is snapping in a polite tone, then she doesn't take it well. Sometimes, she doesn't like something and don't tell me what it is and goes in a shell. She came out of a 18+ year marriage 3 years ago and I am her only serious relationship since then.

This doesn’t sound good. There’s no way to communicate in a healthy way, and eventually you will feel like you’re walking on eggshells. I’d end it.

[Anonymous]

If your GF says upfront that she needs some space to cool off, that's one thing. But if she is just ghosting you that needs to end. That is quasi-abusive behavior that should not be tolerated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 42M and my GF is 41. We have been dating for 7+ months and she goes in a silent mode anytime there is any small or big argument. I am one of those who like to talk and resolve the issue but she completely ignores me and goes in a silent mode for while. Certainly, this habit is not good but I am also trying to understand how to improve on this.

"Do you want to talk about this now?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should make her aware this is abusive behavior. If she's willing to put in work and take steps to stop this behavior, you might be able to work this out. If not bounce!

Don't be like me--my wife told me when we were dating that she'll start to ignore her partner when things go sideways. I was too "in love" to realize this would apply to me too later!

How are you guys doing now?

Awful! I don't like talking to her because any disagreement could trigger "the silent treatment." So I kind of avoid talking to her.

I wouldn't wish this disaster on anyone!

[Anonymous]

OP - you are entitled to a preference. You don't like this dynamic. You should not stay in this relationship. Choose healthy. Find a healthier relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should make her aware this is abusive behavior. If she's willing to put in work and take steps to stop this behavior, you might be able to work this out. If not bounce!

Don't be like me--my wife told me when we were dating that she'll start to ignore her partner when things go sideways. I was too "in love" to realize this would apply to me too later!

How are you guys doing now?

Awful! I don't like talking to her because any disagreement could trigger "the silent treatment." So I kind of avoid talking to her.

I wouldn't wish this disaster on anyone!

You’ve only invested 7 months. Why haven’t you ended it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should make her aware this is abusive behavior. If she's willing to put in work and take steps to stop this behavior, you might be able to work this out. If not bounce!

Don't be like me--my wife told me when we were dating that she'll start to ignore her partner when things go sideways. I was too "in love" to realize this would apply to me too later!

How are you guys doing now?

Awful! I don't like talking to her because any disagreement could trigger "the silent treatment." So I kind of avoid talking to her.

I wouldn't wish this disaster on anyone!

You’ve only invested 7 months. Why haven’t you ended it?

Agreed, but you can also demote her to FWB while you find someone new who doesn’t act like a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You break up with her.

Silent treatment is unacceptable. Period. At 41 she's unlikely to change her behavior.

It's fine to say you want to press pause on an argument. It's not fine to not speak to your partner at all.


The other reason you should end it is it's not a good sign that you folks are arguing all the time.

This. The silent treatment is emotional abuse. You break up.

[Anonymous]

OP here. The last time it happened, she mentioned that she is not ready to talk or wouldn't let me touch her, etc but then went for a walk and then we discussed it after 2 hrs or so. She said she needs time to cool off and don't want to say anything mean when she is Hot. Ofcourse, I give her space and don't pester her during that time but do reach out by saying, " do you want to talk now" and we do if she is ready to speak.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Well, if she is with me and there is a disagreement and I let her know politely what happened, then she doesn't take it well and goes silent for a few hours to overnight. If she is not with me then it could be overnight or longer. I don't find this to be helpful in a relationship.

What you're describing from her sounds bad, but the bolded is weird on your part, too. If there has been a disagreement, she knows that as well as you do. You phrasing it as "I let her know what happened" sounds like you need her to immediately validate *your* perspective on the disagreement, which I don't think anyone would "take well," no matter how politely you think you asked for it.

[Anonymous]

Sheesh. Life shouldn’t be this much work. Just break up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The last time it happened, she mentioned that she is not ready to talk or wouldn't let me touch her, etc but then went for a walk and then we discussed it after 2 hrs or so. She said she needs time to cool off and don't want to say anything mean when she is Hot. Ofcourse, I give her space and don't pester her during that time but do reach out by saying, " do you want to talk now" and we do if she is ready to speak.

I think your GF sounds perfectly reasonable. What else are you expecting from her?

[Anonymous]

She's a petulant brat and that behavior is t likely to change. Get out now or learn to accept it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, overall, our relationship is fine( I think, lol) but she reacts in a different way if I tell her something I don't like straight. She don't take it well, and goes in the silent mode. Today, she told me that she is not ready to chat and went for a walk and we chatted after 2 hrs. She did discuss that she didn't want to say anything mean when she is upset and rather shuts down for a while.

What does this mean exactly? Is it possible that you're critical of her? If you're criticizing what she wears, what she says, how she feels, how she does things, then her shutting down is understandable and the relationship is unhealthy.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you’re not compatible and you should just end it.

But you also come off as really controlling in your posts, and I bet your GF is reacting to that. You asked for advice for how to ‘deal with her’ like you expect HER to change her communication style so that it better matches yours. And your ‘disagreements’ with her seem to be you telling her something that she is doing wrong and you expect her to take it well?! And you object to her not wanting you to touch her, right after you have just criticized her?? If my DH was always on my case and policing my tone (she was snappy??) and then tried to touch me, I would be seriously pissed and probably start yelling at him.

Just break up. It sounds like you don’t really like her anyway.