how to deal with GF when she goes in a silent mode after argument
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Anonymous
| I am 42M and my GF is 41. We have been dating for 7+ months and she goes in a silent mode anytime there is any small or big argument. I am one of those who like to talk and resolve the issue but she completely ignores me and goes in a silent mode for while. Certainly, this habit is not good but I am also trying to understand how to improve on this. |
Anonymous
| If it's just a matter of giving her some space while she cools off, I don't see what the big deal is. |
Anonymous
| Can you be more specific? Does she disappear for a day, or walk into another room for a few minutes, or just stop texting back, or...? |
Anonymous
|
You break up with her.
Silent treatment is unacceptable. Period. At 41 she's unlikely to change her behavior. It's fine to say you want to press pause on an argument. It's not fine to not speak to your partner at all. The other reason you should end it is it's not a good sign that you folks are arguing all the time. |
Anonymous
| Op here. Well, if she is with me and there is a disagreement and I let her know politely what happened, then she doesn't take it well and goes silent for a few hours to overnight. If she is not with me then it could be overnight or longer. I don't find this to be helpful in a relationship. |
Anonymous
| Break up. She isn’t going to change. A 41 year old giving the silent treatment is messed up |
Anonymous
The big deal is that she's engaging in abusive behavior. That is what the silent treatment is. It doesn't change because op a man is on the receiving in. You can ask your partner for a minute to cool off. You can ask to resume the discussion at another time. And even when asking to table the argument you still engage in other forms of communication with them. You don't stop communicating with them completely. |
Anonymous
| Any relationship you are fighting this much in is not worth the effort. |
Anonymous
Sounds like the childish silent treatment. Not how a grown ass adult should behave. |
Anonymous
Ok, that's excessive. I would end the relationship. |
Anonymous
| Different perspective, I don’t deal well with conflict and in self defense completely shut down, like a turtle to its shell. only recently was I told this is passive aggressive behavior. Now that I know I try not to and say something like, I need some time to process can we come back to this. It’s hard to change but I’m addressing it. Before anyone says how could you not know this was perceived as…I didn’t because no one ever called me out about it, thought it was a reasonable coping mechanism. I’m 55 |
Anonymous
|
If she says she needs time to process before talking, that’s reasonable. If you keep trying to talk with her after that, that’s a problem with you.
If she simply stops speaking without saying they need time, to give them space to think, then that’s controlling and manipulative. Think about the dynamic. Maybe counseling could help, if you’re interested in keeping the relationship. |
Anonymous
| Break up . She can’t handle conflict or criticism. |
Anonymous
|
As a woman with a mother who did the silent treatment all the time, I'm going to tell you to let her go. One of my siblings assumed this same behavior. It's really not constructive. It is immature.
Here's the issue - if she is so unhappy with you, why is she with you? This is a question you can't help her with. It's for a therapist or good friend. On the other hand, why are you with her? This will be a pattern in the relationship, why do condone this by staying with her? |
Anonymous
| Breakup and let her know why. I’m unfortunately divorcing over this issue. It never gets better. |