How to have truthful age appropriate kid conversations about wealth

[Anonymous]

Be open with your kid. Why are you secretive? She deserves to know how much money you make. You must also discuss the family budget with her as well as estate planning. This is not 1950.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to understand yourself enough to not be embarrassed by the money you make. If you are truly embarrassed figure out why and deal with that.

But I love when my teenagers ask me questions like this because it gives me an opportunity to shape their lifelong thinking on an issue. You are likely passing on your embarrassment without explanation if you aren’t answering. But you have an opportunity here to answer with “we make substantially more than the overwhelming majority of people. The specific details aren’t important. But our money is invested and we live off the returns and even the returns on our investments are substantially more than most people make in salary.

Explain how you got the money (inheritance or other?) and your values around it. (Do you value maintaining it for the next generation or sharing with others or something else).

Talk about how money details is private family info.

Talk about what how the money will or will not be shared with them and your expectations of how they will handle that (do you want them to work, etc).

Use this as an opportunity to teach your teen your expectations and values.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think the exact amount is important.

I think a teenager deserves to know what financial support you are planning to give him/her and what the strings are. College tuition, room and board? What are the conditions? If he/she goes to grad school, will you supplement living expenses? Down payment?

This is important because they are choosing their career path and planning for life as an adult and creating a family. Money is a huge factor. It doesn’t make any sense for them to go in blind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your investment platform/advisor probably has printed material or in person seminars about talking to children about your family wealth.

This exactly. Wealth preservation begins with education, the professionals are prepared for this. OP is either trolling or rather slow. Which is it, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are what I would classify as rich. My kids are still young but getting older (oldest starting high school soon).

We’ve tried to keep them grounded but our wealth is too high to keep hidden entirely.

The oldest is starting to understand money much better and is asking age appropriate questions that I would be comfortable answering if our lives were more mainstream but I hesitate to answer since we are not.

They all know that we earn our capital through different investment classes but recently she has been asking how much we earn. I used to say a lot. Recently she has been pushing for more specifics. If we made $500K I’d be fine saying several hundred thousand and leaving it at that but we earn many millions per year. I’ve explained how alienating money can make people and told her that we were on the top 1% but that giving her the exact figure makes me feel uncomfortable.

She has been talking to me a bit more about it since she rightly says that she cannot talk to anyone else about it and doesn’t want to but she has been asking questions like top 1% or top .1%?

How much detail does one provide a high schooler who in all apparent ways is asking thoughtful and appropriate questions? I don’t want it to be a secret but I also don’t want to burden her with something that she cannot talking to anyone about.

Help me understand the bolded part. Why is it impossible to hide it? People we know have absolutely no idea how wealthy we are. None. Now that my kids have finished high school and a we allowed a building to be named for us, it is now coming out. But it was hidden all through their childhoods.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are what I would classify as rich. My kids are still young but getting older (oldest starting high school soon).

We’ve tried to keep them grounded but our wealth is too high to keep hidden entirely.

The oldest is starting to understand money much better and is asking age appropriate questions that I would be comfortable answering if our lives were more mainstream but I hesitate to answer since we are not.

They all know that we earn our capital through different investment classes but recently she has been asking how much we earn. I used to say a lot. Recently she has been pushing for more specifics. If we made $500K I’d be fine saying several hundred thousand and leaving it at that but we earn many millions per year. I’ve explained how alienating money can make people and told her that we were on the top 1% but that giving her the exact figure makes me feel uncomfortable.

She has been talking to me a bit more about it since she rightly says that she cannot talk to anyone else about it and doesn’t want to but she has been asking questions like top 1% or top .1%?

How much detail does one provide a high schooler who in all apparent ways is asking thoughtful and appropriate questions? I don’t want it to be a secret but I also don’t want to burden her with something that she cannot talking to anyone about.

Help me understand the bolded part. Why is it impossible to hide it? People we know have absolutely no idea how wealthy we are. None. Now that my kids have finished high school and a we allowed a building to be named for us, it is now coming out. But it was hidden all through their childhoods.

Their house, cars, what they do for a living etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are what I would classify as rich. My kids are still young but getting older (oldest starting high school soon).

We’ve tried to keep them grounded but our wealth is too high to keep hidden entirely.

The oldest is starting to understand money much better and is asking age appropriate questions that I would be comfortable answering if our lives were more mainstream but I hesitate to answer since we are not.

They all know that we earn our capital through different investment classes but recently she has been asking how much we earn. I used to say a lot. Recently she has been pushing for more specifics. If we made $500K I’d be fine saying several hundred thousand and leaving it at that but we earn many millions per year. I’ve explained how alienating money can make people and told her that we were on the top 1% but that giving her the exact figure makes me feel uncomfortable.

She has been talking to me a bit more about it since she rightly says that she cannot talk to anyone else about it and doesn’t want to but she has been asking questions like top 1% or top .1%?

How much detail does one provide a high schooler who in all apparent ways is asking thoughtful and appropriate questions? I don’t want it to be a secret but I also don’t want to burden her with something that she cannot talking to anyone about.

Help me understand the bolded part. Why is it impossible to hide it? People we know have absolutely no idea how wealthy we are. None. Now that my kids have finished high school and a we allowed a building to be named for us, it is now coming out. But it was hidden all through their childhoods.

Their house, cars, what they do for a living etc

Judging by op's yearly take in, they probably have nice home, car etc. but it still may be well below what they could afford. Plenty of people live below their means and sit on more wealth than expected.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thank you all for your input. If anyone reads through the posts they run from one end of the spectrum to the other and in classic DCUM fashion most everyone has very strong opinions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Safety, safety, safety, safety

OP, kids get kidnapped over this level of wealth.

Since you have already disclosed to her that you are 1%ers you really need to emphasize to her that this is extremely confidential.

LOL. OP’s kid almost certainly goes to private school and is surrounded by even wealthier kids every day.

Maybe not, we're top 1% at public

+1

Same. Many are like that, because we targeted good schools when we initially bought because we were not Top 1% at that time, or were barely that. Owning a home in a great school district has many other benefits as well--overall the area is likely nice, has amenities nearby (good grocery stores, farmers markets, and most things you want within a 15 min drive). Once you have made that investment, it's hard to justify private schools even if you can afford it. Not to mention, if you already live in a great area, odds are the good private schools (non-religious) are not nearby, so that means a 30+ min commute each way daily and then majority of friends will also be 30-45 mins away, so socially it can be a challenging situation. We prefer our kids be able to walk/bike to their friends homes or at least be a 5-10 min drive away. Part of raising well rounded kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are what I would classify as rich. My kids are still young but getting older (oldest starting high school soon).

We’ve tried to keep them grounded but our wealth is too high to keep hidden entirely.

The oldest is starting to understand money much better and is asking age appropriate questions that I would be comfortable answering if our lives were more mainstream but I hesitate to answer since we are not.

They all know that we earn our capital through different investment classes but recently she has been asking how much we earn. I used to say a lot. Recently she has been pushing for more specifics. If we made $500K I’d be fine saying several hundred thousand and leaving it at that but we earn many millions per year. I’ve explained how alienating money can make people and told her that we were on the top 1% but that giving her the exact figure makes me feel uncomfortable.

She has been talking to me a bit more about it since she rightly says that she cannot talk to anyone else about it and doesn’t want to but she has been asking questions like top 1% or top .1%?

How much detail does one provide a high schooler who in all apparent ways is asking thoughtful and appropriate questions? I don’t want it to be a secret but I also don’t want to burden her with something that she cannot talking to anyone about.

Help me understand the bolded part. Why is it impossible to hide it? People we know have absolutely no idea how wealthy we are. None. Now that my kids have finished high school and a we allowed a building to be named for us, it is now coming out. But it was hidden all through their childhoods.

Their house, cars, what they do for a living etc

+1

If they travel business/first class often, where and how often they vacation. It's all relative to what your kid's friends are doing as well.

[Anonymous]

Your kids have zero money. You have money.

My old CEO made 250 million over his 16 years my old company. He put in irrevocable trusts for charity and lived in a small split and drive an old minivan. His kids get zero.

His kids went to the in state and he made them work to help pay.

Many people give it all away. Do the same.

My CEO goal is to build 3,000 homes for severely handicapped young adults who now age out of school at 18 and have no where to go. He build a few hundred already

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kids have zero money. You have money.

My old CEO made 250 million over his 16 years my old company. He put in irrevocable trusts for charity and lived in a small split and drive an old minivan. His kids get zero.

His kids went to the in state and he made them work to help pay.

Many people give it all away. Do the same.

My CEO goal is to build 3,000 homes for severely handicapped young adults who now age out of school at 18 and have no where to go. He build a few hundred already

Clearly you have read the other thread lambasting that OP for considering not leaving the lions share of OPs wealth to the kids.

[Anonymous]

Nice humble brag. Raise your kids to be better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kids have zero money. You have money.

My old CEO made 250 million over his 16 years my old company. He put in irrevocable trusts for charity and lived in a small split and drive an old minivan. His kids get zero.

His kids went to the in state and he made them work to help pay.

Many people give it all away. Do the same.

My CEO goal is to build 3,000 homes for severely handicapped young adults who now age out of school at 18 and have no where to go. He build a few hundred already

That’s horrible. Good for some overpaid charity execs I guess?

I hope his kids stopped speaking to him at 18.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be open with your kid. Why are you secretive? She deserves to know how much money you make. You must also discuss the family budget with her as well as estate planning. This is not 1950.

No teen “deserves to know how much money their parents make”. Other than “we make enough to live very comfortably and have luxuries unlike many others”