How to have truthful age appropriate kid conversations about wealth

[Anonymous]

We are what I would classify as rich. My kids are still young but getting older (oldest starting high school soon).

We’ve tried to keep them grounded but our wealth is too high to keep hidden entirely.

The oldest is starting to understand money much better and is asking age appropriate questions that I would be comfortable answering if our lives were more mainstream but I hesitate to answer since we are not.

They all know that we earn our capital through different investment classes but recently she has been asking how much we earn. I used to say a lot. Recently she has been pushing for more specifics. If we made $500K I’d be fine saying several hundred thousand and leaving it at that but we earn many millions per year. I’ve explained how alienating money can make people and told her that we were on the top 1% but that giving her the exact figure makes me feel uncomfortable.

She has been talking to me a bit more about it since she rightly says that she cannot talk to anyone else about it and doesn’t want to but she has been asking questions like top 1% or top .1%?

How much detail does one provide a high schooler who in all apparent ways is asking thoughtful and appropriate questions? I don’t want it to be a secret but I also don’t want to burden her with something that she cannot talking to anyone about.

[Anonymous]

I would find out why she is asking these questions. Did someone say something to her at school? Did she overhear a discussion between you and your spouse? I then think you should start discussing basic investing and ask her if she would be interested in learning some basics about it. I don't know the exact age but a summer job where she takes the money and invests it in the market might help her understand wealth accumulation abd financial well-being.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you feel guilty. Why? Is it because you don't believe the money you earn is being put to good use? Because you feel too lucky or privileged? Because you fear getting murdered for an inheritance, or robbed by kid's associates when your kid gossips?

[Anonymous]

I also suggest to find out why she really wants to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also suggest to find out why she really wants to know.

+1 Is she interested because of the math? Planning her future? Competition with friends? Then answer/deal with the actual issue in question.

[Anonymous]

I never tell people how much we earn, not even my kids. It’s not their business and my wealth is not going to change the fact that they have to make it on their own. They will be lucky enough to not have student loan debt - we’re not financing their lifestyles.

[Anonymous]

Poor you

[Anonymous]

A high schooler?! I would tell them the truth. They have to have a pretty good idea already. Explain what it took to get to that level of income. Make it clear that not everyone has the opportunity and that it’s ok and doesn’t make them less than.

Explain that if they would like to enjoy the same financial independence that they have to work hard (not as true since they have you but …). Instill a strong work ethic in them.

[Anonymous]

I think you’ve made this a bigger deal than it needs to be. You should be teaching them about finances, in small ways, their entire life. DS7 knows how much we make. It’s not nearly as much as you but even if it were, we would just tell him. Numbers mean very little to children as they have minimal idea of costs. They will think everyone is like them. Explain that its not the case and that outside of parents it’s considered a faux pas to discuss. It’s a learning opportunity.

[Anonymous]

You’ve told her plenty already. It’s not like a social dollar figure would be accurate for more than a day anyway. Top 1% is all the info she needs. You are way overthinking this.

[Anonymous]

I expect OP's kid is conflicted because she's becoming aware of the vast income disparity in this country and she knows she's part of the 1% (probably closer to .1%) and feels guilty.

Talk about that, OP. Not numbers.

[Anonymous]

My mom used to tell me it was none of my business.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like she’s interested in investing. Why not get her started and work with her in that. I think you should redirect her interest into how wealth is gained and lost vs where your family is at this point in time. If she isn’t willing to put in the work to learn about it then she doesn’t get access to the family’s books.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I don’t feel guilty. I feel embarrassed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I don’t feel guilty. I feel embarrassed.

You feel embarrassed because you are a 1%er?