Birthday party question - would this surprise you?

[Anonymous]

Maybe there is a plan to go out for ice cream or nails or the mall and there is no room in the car since they invited another when your daughter said no.

Or the added invited kid doesn’t like your daughter.

Or most likely, mom is just rigid and only allowed a certain number of kids and it’s been reached and she isn’t flexible enough to add another despite it being a home party. Perhaps she made her kid narrow her list to 5 bc of that rigidity. The fact it was an evite rather than just a text suggests this type of person. I know many ppl like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD was invited to a birthday party at a new-ish friend's house. All girls, not a sleepover, fairly small group (guest list was public.) My DD really wanted to go but we were visiting family that weekend that we very rarely see, so we politely declined and stated the reason. Now, our family canceled because they are all sick. I reached out to the mom to explain and see if there was any chance my DD could still come. After a day of silence she wrote back no, that she had already planned everything. I politely told her no worries and that I understood. But I totally don't understand! In the reverse situation we'd have been thrilled to have an invited guest be able to come at the last minute.

If this makes sense to you, could you help me understand? If its about party favors or something, my DD couldn't care less. I don't know the mom very well so can't ask her. My DD will get over it, but I'm still just stunned. There wasn't a deadline to RSVP and the evite is still active. What would she have done if I had just changed the RSVP to yes? I'm not going to obviously.

A smaller group allows for a more personalized party. Embroidered bath robes. Bringing in a nail tech to do manicures. Personalized water bottles. It would be annoying to have to scramble to pull those things together at the last minute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m thinking she planned some activities that she bought a certain number of things for. I don’t know like each kid gets a face mask and they are doing a spa treatment. And then each girl gets a nail polish and nail file and they are going to do their nails.

I agree that it’s odd, it’s fair to do but I can’t imagine saying no I would just scramble and figure it out even if I had something like this planned.

You could write back and say if it’s goodie bag related please know my daughter doesn’t mind that at all we know she’d be a late comer! But it’s probably best to let it go..

Omg do not beg to come!

[Anonymous]

My guess is she interpreted this as you B-listing her kid's party and only when your Plan A fell through did you decide you'd have your kid come along, and that offended her.

I wouldn't feel that way and I'd have welcomed your DD unless it was going to pose some huge hardship, but that's my best guess. People are weird and take things personally.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t take her rejection personally because I think you overstepped. If you were friends, I might have asked. Double blow for your daughter is a bit dramatic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD was invited to a birthday party at a new-ish friend's house. All girls, not a sleepover, fairly small group (guest list was public.) My DD really wanted to go but we were visiting family that weekend that we very rarely see, so we politely declined and stated the reason. Now, our family canceled because they are all sick. I reached out to the mom to explain and see if there was any chance my DD could still come. After a day of silence she wrote back no, that she had already planned everything. I politely told her no worries and that I understood. But I totally don't understand! In the reverse situation we'd have been thrilled to have an invited guest be able to come at the last minute.

If this makes sense to you, could you help me understand? If its about party favors or something, my DD couldn't care less. I don't know the mom very well so can't ask her. My DD will get over it, but I'm still just stunned. There wasn't a deadline to RSVP and the evite is still active. What would she have done if I had just changed the RSVP to yes? I'm not going to obviously.

Take some deep breaths and let it go. Life with school age kids is means you bear the brunt of a lot of unexplained rejection both by other kids and their parents. You have a long road ahead of you of learning how to redirect your focus when you get the door shut in your face. These childhood friendships come and go and you will not even remember the kids' names (let alone their parents' names) when you are an old lady and your own kids have kids of their own.

[Anonymous]

I ordered a specific craft activity that will double as the goody bag gift for my DD's party four weeks in advance (it is something customized for each attendee). If someone who said no changed their RSVP now, they wouldn't be able to participate in that activity. Maybe it's something like that?

Personally, if someone who RSVPed no to my daughter's party was able to come last minute, I'd just explain the situation to the mom and find an alternative, but the girl would probably feel very left out and I'd feel terrible about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m thinking she planned some activities that she bought a certain number of things for. I don’t know like each kid gets a face mask and they are doing a spa treatment. And then each girl gets a nail polish and nail file and they are going to do their nails.

I agree that it’s odd, it’s fair to do but I can’t imagine saying no I would just scramble and figure it out even if I had something like this planned.

You could write back and say if it’s goodie bag related please know my daughter doesn’t mind that at all we know she’d be a late comer! But it’s probably best to let it go..

DO NOT WRITE BACK. Super cringey.

There are any number of reasons she said no, none having to do with your DD. I would have figured it out but not everyone is that accommodating. And that's fine too.

[Anonymous]

Let it go. Next month or so, invite that girl to an activity with your daughter (and optionally others).

Life has enough troubles; let's not create more.

[Anonymous]

My guess is that they have to drive the kids somewhere and don’t have room in the car. Or they planned an activity that has a max count. I would be hurt too, but maybe you can do something with your daughter on that day.

[Anonymous]

What a totally weird mom this is! Who wouldn’t say the more the merrier?!!

[Anonymous]

I am just baffled by these answers. You DECLINED the invitation because you prioritized something else. Now you want the host to accommodate you because you plans changed - if your plans hadn't changed, you still would not be going. Not only that, but in the future you plan to withhold your rsvp to the last minute to see if you might have a better invitation or not. That is very entitled and selfish behavior. Shaking my head that so many people agree that this is okay.
It's totally fine to ask, but if the host is says no, just be graceful and understand that their planning also change due to you declining the invitation in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My guess is she interpreted this as you B-listing her kid's party and only when your Plan A fell through did you decide you'd have your kid come along, and that offended her.

I wouldn't feel that way and I'd have welcomed your DD unless it was going to pose some huge hardship, but that's my best guess. People are weird and take things personally.

I think it's this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am just baffled by these answers. You DECLINED the invitation because you prioritized something else. Now you want the host to accommodate you because you plans changed - if your plans hadn't changed, you still would not be going. Not only that, but in the future you plan to withhold your rsvp to the last minute to see if you might have a better invitation or not. That is very entitled and selfish behavior. Shaking my head that so many people agree that this is okay.
It's totally fine to ask, but if the host is says no, just be graceful and understand that their planning also change due to you declining the invitation in the first place.

I'm kind of with you. If you declined to go to another event - then that fell through and want to use my child as a back up, I'm not going to be happy. I'd probably still have your daughter, but if it was a max count and we invited someone else, I would have said no too.

Weird that you reached out to ask after declining.

[Anonymous]

OP, when you declined the invite, did you simply RSVP no? Or did you reach out and tell her, I am sorry we can’t make it, we have a prior engagement to visit family out of town.

If the former I don’t blame her. If the latter she seems rigid or there are special circumstances.