Birthday party question - would this surprise you?

[Anonymous]

My DD was invited to a birthday party at a new-ish friend's house. All girls, not a sleepover, fairly small group (guest list was public.) My DD really wanted to go but we were visiting family that weekend that we very rarely see, so we politely declined and stated the reason. Now, our family canceled because they are all sick. I reached out to the mom to explain and see if there was any chance my DD could still come. After a day of silence she wrote back no, that she had already planned everything. I politely told her no worries and that I understood. But I totally don't understand! In the reverse situation we'd have been thrilled to have an invited guest be able to come at the last minute.

If this makes sense to you, could you help me understand? If its about party favors or something, my DD couldn't care less. I don't know the mom very well so can't ask her. My DD will get over it, but I'm still just stunned. There wasn't a deadline to RSVP and the evite is still active. What would she have done if I had just changed the RSVP to yes? I'm not going to obviously.

[Anonymous]

I think its fine to reach out and ask.

[Anonymous]

She invited someone else after you said no and doesn't have room any more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She invited someone else after you said no and doesn't have room any more.

At her large suburban house? She invited 5 people.

[Anonymous]

Whatever, let it go.

[Anonymous]

I would be a bit stung by this, and I would tell myself to let it go as well. Maybe the mom has some deal with her daughter about how many kids she can invite, or there's something they're doing with supplies and now they'll be over budget if they have the replacement kid plus yours....who even knows. If this is some weird behavior on the mom's part, now you know that she's a little weird and can be on your guard. And go do something fun with your daughter during that time!

[Anonymous]

The only thing I can think of is she already got the goody bags. Agree that is strange though especially if others haven’t responded yet and the evite is still active.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be a bit stung by this, and I would tell myself to let it go as well. Maybe the mom has some deal with her daughter about how many kids she can invite, or there's something they're doing with supplies and now they'll be over budget if they have the replacement kid plus yours....who even knows. If this is some weird behavior on the mom's part, now you know that she's a little weird and can be on your guard. And go do something fun with your daughter during that time!

OP here. My guard is definitely up. It just seems so unfriendly. And I feel so bad for my DD - she doesn't get to see her cousins AND she can't go to the party that she wanted to attend. Double blow.

[Anonymous]

Could be a few different options, without being any slight to you or anything. Could be that she invited another since your DD couldn’t make it…or they are doing some sort of activity where they already had to commit to a # ( like a cake decorating thing or in home hair/makeup)…or she is just the kind of person who gets thrown by last minute changes & although your DD wouldn’t care, maybe she has some elaborate favor & would feel bad to not have one for every girl attending.
I’m with you, I’d be happy to have another attend…but I’ve realized other people have a lot of different feelings/anxieties about hosting. It is a bummer for DD, but you did nothing wrong in declining nor in asking if she could still attend. I wouldn’t worry about it. Invite the bday girl over another time or on a little outing so your DD can celebrate with her.

[Anonymous]

I’m thinking she planned some activities that she bought a certain number of things for. I don’t know like each kid gets a face mask and they are doing a spa treatment. And then each girl gets a nail polish and nail file and they are going to do their nails.

I agree that it’s odd, it’s fair to do but I can’t imagine saying no I would just scramble and figure it out even if I had something like this planned.

You could write back and say if it’s goodie bag related please know my daughter doesn’t mind that at all we know she’d be a late comer! But it’s probably best to let it go..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m thinking she planned some activities that she bought a certain number of things for. I don’t know like each kid gets a face mask and they are doing a spa treatment. And then each girl gets a nail polish and nail file and they are going to do their nails.

I agree that it’s odd, it’s fair to do but I can’t imagine saying no I would just scramble and figure it out even if I had something like this planned.

You could write back and say if it’s goodie bag related please know my daughter doesn’t mind that at all we know she’d be a late comer! But it’s probably best to let it go..

No, no, no. Do NOT write back. That's so awkward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be a bit stung by this, and I would tell myself to let it go as well. Maybe the mom has some deal with her daughter about how many kids she can invite, or there's something they're doing with supplies and now they'll be over budget if they have the replacement kid plus yours....who even knows. If this is some weird behavior on the mom's part, now you know that she's a little weird and can be on your guard. And go do something fun with your daughter during that time!

OP here. My guard is definitely up. It just seems so unfriendly. And I feel so bad for my DD - she doesn't get to see her cousins AND she can't go to the party that she wanted to attend. Double blow.

That really is a bummer!!! I would just take her somewhere fun on that day and make it special

[Anonymous]

Did all 5 invited respond? If so, I wouldn’t say the evite is still “active”, regardless of rsvp date - if everyone responded yes or no, the mom went ahead with that & made a plan.

[Anonymous]

If I were the mom I would be thrilled if you came because your child is one of her DD's closest friends given how few kids she invited. But everyone has their quirks and she could just be super organized and rigid or she could have something planned that would be messed up by having an additional person. I could also see how she only has 5 sleeping spots and they did add another person since you declined.

How soon is the party? I wouldn't do what the mom did but I think it's strange you are annoyed.

[Anonymous]

After your daughter declined the invitation, they reached out to someone else, and now they are at max capacity. Nothing weird except you starting a thread on DCUM about this, as if it is some big deal.

When we plan a sleepover party, we have a max guest limit. If someone declines, we usually pinch-hit with my local cousin’s kids (and vice-versa, we don’t stand on ceremony about “B-list” blah blah blah, we’re family). Once the max is hit, the max is hit. Sorry ‘bout ya.