Birthday party question - would this surprise you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After your daughter declined the invitation, they reached out to someone else, and now they are at max capacity. Nothing weird except you starting a thread on DCUM about this, as if it is some big deal.

When we plan a sleepover party, we have a max guest limit. If someone declines, we usually pinch-hit with my local cousin’s kids (and vice-versa, we don’t stand on ceremony about “B-list” blah blah blah, we’re family). Once the max is hit, the max is hit. Sorry ‘bout ya.

Its not a sleepover. What is "max capacity" at a large suburban house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m thinking she planned some activities that she bought a certain number of things for. I don’t know like each kid gets a face mask and they are doing a spa treatment. And then each girl gets a nail polish and nail file and they are going to do their nails.

I agree that it’s odd, it’s fair to do but I can’t imagine saying no I would just scramble and figure it out even if I had something like this planned.

You could write back and say if it’s goodie bag related please know my daughter doesn’t mind that at all we know she’d be a late comer! But it’s probably best to let it go..

It's such a shame if it's something like that. The girls could alternate. One doesn't get nails, one doesn't get a mask, etc. No big deal. A person's feelings are more important.

It could be an issue of the number of beds/sleeping bags but why not just say that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After your daughter declined the invitation, they reached out to someone else, and now they are at max capacity. Nothing weird except you starting a thread on DCUM about this, as if it is some big deal.

When we plan a sleepover party, we have a max guest limit. If someone declines, we usually pinch-hit with my local cousin’s kids (and vice-versa, we don’t stand on ceremony about “B-list” blah blah blah, we’re family). Once the max is hit, the max is hit. Sorry ‘bout ya.

Its not a sleepover. What is "max capacity" at a large suburban house?

Stop worrying about the square footage. Maybe it's how many kids the parents can feel comfortable supervising. Consider there may be another sibling having friends over too - for all you know there are 12 kids sleeping over. Maybe it's noise levels. Maybe it's how much bedding they have for a certain number of kids, or how many kids can sleep comfortably in whatever room the kids will be sleeping in. Maybe a thousand things. Stop mentioning "large suburban house."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m thinking she planned some activities that she bought a certain number of things for. I don’t know like each kid gets a face mask and they are doing a spa treatment. And then each girl gets a nail polish and nail file and they are going to do their nails.

I agree that it’s odd, it’s fair to do but I can’t imagine saying no I would just scramble and figure it out even if I had something like this planned.

You could write back and say if it’s goodie bag related please know my daughter doesn’t mind that at all we know she’d be a late comer! But it’s probably best to let it go..

No, no, no. Do NOT write back. That's so awkward.

OP here. I’m definitely not. One awkward exchange was plenty.

And I said it’s NOT a sleepover.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After your daughter declined the invitation, they reached out to someone else, and now they are at max capacity. Nothing weird except you starting a thread on DCUM about this, as if it is some big deal.

When we plan a sleepover party, we have a max guest limit. If someone declines, we usually pinch-hit with my local cousin’s kids (and vice-versa, we don’t stand on ceremony about “B-list” blah blah blah, we’re family). Once the max is hit, the max is hit. Sorry ‘bout ya.

Its not a sleepover. What is "max capacity" at a large suburban house?

Oh honey. I live in a row house in Capitol Hill. Thanks for playing.

[Anonymous]

Stunned? Ok

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be a bit stung by this, and I would tell myself to let it go as well. Maybe the mom has some deal with her daughter about how many kids she can invite, or there's something they're doing with supplies and now they'll be over budget if they have the replacement kid plus yours....who even knows. If this is some weird behavior on the mom's part, now you know that she's a little weird and can be on your guard. And go do something fun with your daughter during that time!

OP here. My guard is definitely up. It just seems so unfriendly. And I feel so bad for my DD - she doesn't get to see her cousins AND she can't go to the party that she wanted to attend. Double blow.

YOU seem unfriendly for declining an invitation, then reaching back out, then having the audacity to think she is weird for saying it won’t work for them. It doesn’t work for them. Many parties have a maximum number of possible guests, and once you declined, they moved on and got a confirmation from someone else. YOU are weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m thinking she planned some activities that she bought a certain number of things for. I don’t know like each kid gets a face mask and they are doing a spa treatment. And then each girl gets a nail polish and nail file and they are going to do their nails.

I agree that it’s odd, it’s fair to do but I can’t imagine saying no I would just scramble and figure it out even if I had something like this planned.

You could write back and say if it’s goodie bag related please know my daughter doesn’t mind that at all we know she’d be a late comer! But it’s probably best to let it go..

No, no, no. Do NOT write back. That's so awkward.

You’re right I’m the pp and I can’t imagine actually doing that in real life. I guess I just kind of want to know haha what the heck other mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m thinking she planned some activities that she bought a certain number of things for. I don’t know like each kid gets a face mask and they are doing a spa treatment. And then each girl gets a nail polish and nail file and they are going to do their nails.

I agree that it’s odd, it’s fair to do but I can’t imagine saying no I would just scramble and figure it out even if I had something like this planned.

You could write back and say if it’s goodie bag related please know my daughter doesn’t mind that at all we know she’d be a late comer! But it’s probably best to let it go..

No, no, no. Do NOT write back. That's so awkward.

OP here. I’m definitely not. One awkward exchange was plenty.

And I said it’s NOT a sleepover.

So? Maybe they have hired entertainment coming in that has a max capacity, like hair and nails, or face painting, or a painting party. Some things require budgets, planning, reservations/deposits. It is what it is. Bottom line, YOU turned down the invitation that was graciously extended to you. Get over yourself. Really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m thinking she planned some activities that she bought a certain number of things for. I don’t know like each kid gets a face mask and they are doing a spa treatment. And then each girl gets a nail polish and nail file and they are going to do their nails.

I agree that it’s odd, it’s fair to do but I can’t imagine saying no I would just scramble and figure it out even if I had something like this planned.

You could write back and say if it’s goodie bag related please know my daughter doesn’t mind that at all we know she’d be a late comer! But it’s probably best to let it go..

It's such a shame if it's something like that. The girls could alternate. One doesn't get nails, one doesn't get a mask, etc. No big deal. A person's feelings are more important.

It could be an issue of the number of beds/sleeping bags but why not just say that?

Pp here and I totally agree I certainly would never say no to a kid coming to a party over something like this. And folks saying she has a limit it’s not at a party place and if she originally was invited she should have had enough room if everyone said yes.

Also imagine doing this to an adult, you invite friends over for a group get together through an evite and one declines and then their plans fall through of course you’d be like yes come!!!!! I truly can’t imagine being like sorry now we’re full

[Anonymous]

You arm really entitled. You DECLINED the rsvp. Don't try to jump back in line

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After your daughter declined the invitation, they reached out to someone else, and now they are at max capacity. Nothing weird except you starting a thread on DCUM about this, as if it is some big deal.

When we plan a sleepover party, we have a max guest limit. If someone declines, we usually pinch-hit with my local cousin’s kids (and vice-versa, we don’t stand on ceremony about “B-list” blah blah blah, we’re family). Once the max is hit, the max is hit. Sorry ‘bout ya.

Its not a sleepover. What is "max capacity" at a large suburban house?

Max capacity is whatever they determine it to be regardless of house size. If they decide 5 kids is all they want to deal with that’s max capacity. Not everyone wants hordes of kids in their house.

[Anonymous]

She is miffed you were wiffe waffling
Lesson learned: no deadline to RSVP? Don’t say no until last moment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After your daughter declined the invitation, they reached out to someone else, and now they are at max capacity. Nothing weird except you starting a thread on DCUM about this, as if it is some big deal.

When we plan a sleepover party, we have a max guest limit. If someone declines, we usually pinch-hit with my local cousin’s kids (and vice-versa, we don’t stand on ceremony about “B-list” blah blah blah, we’re family). Once the max is hit, the max is hit. Sorry ‘bout ya.

Its not a sleepover. What is "max capacity" at a large suburban house?

Max capacity is whatever they determine it to be regardless of house size. If they decide 5 kids is all they want to deal with that’s max capacity. Not everyone wants hordes of kids in their house.

+100. My husband has a debilitating illness, and not everyone knows about it. So all of you with your “they should do this” and “they should do that” can cram it and mind your business. We do the best we can to carry on life to its fullest, as much as we can. But his illness drains us both of our energy and our overall capacity—not to mention our finances—so we do have to limit things when it comes to hosting and socializing. Mind your business. Some of you seriously have no clue what other people are dealing with, and your “they should” attitude is beyond disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Since it's NOT a sleepover, maybe the parents are taking the kids somewhere for dinner or an activity? In which case space in the car could be an issue.

Either way, get over it OP. You declined, and I get that you're sad for your daughter, those are the breaks.