When to tell children about a suicide in the family

[Anonymous]

My kids know that my stepdad is not their biological grandfather. Anyway I finally told my oldest that my dad had mental illness and died by suicide when DC was a senior in high school and we were having some issues. It helped him understand me better as a person. It was all very emotional with lots of tears. Anyway I haven’t told my two younger kids because it hasn’t felt like the right time just yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father committed suicide when I was a child. My step-dad is my children's grandfather, but they know I had a different dad before him and that he died. My kids are 10 and 13, and I'm just wondering when I should tell them about this part of our family history? I don't want it to be this big family secret, but I want them to be old enough to understand. I didn't find out myself how he died until I was 17 (accidentally, by reading about it), so I don't have experience being told this news in a child-friendly way. Would love any advice on this, thanks!

I agree with the posters who said that your children are old enough to know now and should be told. I think this conversation is better had in the broader context of mental health. First, educate yourself. There are plenty of authoritative resources to be found with a google search of "how to talk to young teens about mental health/suicide." If something in the news or in your lives happens organically this summer, then you can use that as a catalyst for a conversation. But if not, my suggestion is to use the upcoming school year as a good time for a conversation. Take a look at the ES and MS Health curriculum topics together as a starting point. Tell them you want to have a conversation about mental health topics, now that they are more mature and may encounter these ideas more frequently. In the process, you can include the information about your father. Also, don't forget to pause and think about other members of your family who may have various depression/anxiety/ADHD diagnoses. There may be more medical information to consider sharing than just your father's suicide.

Best wishes OP.