What is it about people not responding to playdate invitations?

[Anonymous]

I hate group texts too, but it’s not hard to say, “Thanks for the invite, sorry we can’t make it!”

Manners 101.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are weird about group texts/emails. They always just wait for someone else to do the first response, but that doesn’t work when every person does that…

Or are people who send group texts and emails weird?

[Anonymous]

Do all the people on the text thread know everyone's names? If it's just a bunch of numbers, then I'm much less likely to engage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate group texts too, but it’s not hard to say, “Thanks for the invite, sorry we can’t make it!”

Manners 101.

Maybe! But I’m ok if people think I’m rude in this situation. I know I’m monitoring for replies so I just don’t engage. I’m not kidding, I have been on group texts where I don’t know the person texting the group. If I have to use context clues to figure out who you are, I’m not replying.

[Anonymous]

^^^NOT monitoring for replies - sorry typo.

[Anonymous]

I would only send group texts/emails to my established group of friends, who all know each other well and like to socialize together.

It's awkward to receive a group text/email when I don't know many other recipients. You don't know how well everyone else knows each other, whether the host is particularly close to some, or what the turnout would be. That's why everyone is waiting for someone else to respond first.

TLDR: stick with individual invites.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are weird about group texts/emails. They always just wait for someone else to do the first response, but that doesn’t work when every person does that…

Or are people who send group texts and emails weird?

It’s weird to organize a playdate with more than one kid?

[Anonymous]

OP here. I just wanted to clarify a few things. My daughters go to a small, Catholic school where there is a very small class of 20 kids, all the moms know each other, and some of us live far (though some of us live nearby).

The playdate invitation was for my older daughter's friends moms, there are several of us who get together sometimes, all of the moms' names were on the text playdate invitation so everyone could see who was invited, this is our usual friend group. My older daughter has a group of 7 best friends (who all have similar aged siblings). The text invite was to the moms of these 7 best friends. I also sent an email with the same playdate invitaton to this same group in case some of them did not see the text.

I did not get any acknowledgment of my invitation, which is really bothering me, and makes me feel rejected. My daughters have not been invited to any playdates by these moms, and we are always having their kids over. There has been no reciprocation. These moms have also not shown any interest in getting to know me. I was hoping when we switched to this school two years ago, that this is where we would find our community, but that has unfortunately not happened. We all have the same religion, so I thought we would have a lot in common, but apparently not enough for these moms to want to be friends with me or family friends. I've tried to put myself out there (trying to organize walks, moms' night out, etc.). At this point I'm really bummed out by the lack of sense of community at this school.

It's hard because my daughters have no neighborhood friends, no friends from other activities or church, and no local family, so we have a lot of lonely weekends and it's hard to find enough for them to do. They're both in 5 activities each (after school and on weekends) but that's not enough to fill the lonely weekends and school holidays. In the summer they do go to summer camp.

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP’s about individual playdates. Some kids don’t mesh so don’t spring it on people with multiple one on one texts that actually amount to a group play date. Also, while the reciprocation thing is annoying, I’ve found I had to let it go and appreciate the maybe 50% of parents who reciprocated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just wanted to clarify a few things. My daughters go to a small, Catholic school where there is a very small class of 20 kids, all the moms know each other, and some of us live far (though some of us live nearby).

The playdate invitation was for my older daughter's friends moms, there are several of us who get together sometimes, all of the moms' names were on the text playdate invitation so everyone could see who was invited, this is our usual friend group. My older daughter has a group of 7 best friends (who all have similar aged siblings). The text invite was to the moms of these 7 best friends. I also sent an email with the same playdate invitaton to this same group in case some of them did not see the text.

I did not get any acknowledgment of my invitation, which is really bothering me, and makes me feel rejected. My daughters have not been invited to any playdates by these moms, and we are always having their kids over. There has been no reciprocation. These moms have also not shown any interest in getting to know me. I was hoping when we switched to this school two years ago, that this is where we would find our community, but that has unfortunately not happened. We all have the same religion, so I thought we would have a lot in common, but apparently not enough for these moms to want to be friends with me or family friends. I've tried to put myself out there (trying to organize walks, moms' night out, etc.). At this point I'm really bummed out by the lack of sense of community at this school.

It's hard because my daughters have no neighborhood friends, no friends from other activities or church, and no local family, so we have a lot of lonely weekends and it's hard to find enough for them to do. They're both in 5 activities each (after school and on weekends) but that's not enough to fill the lonely weekends and school holidays. In the summer they do go to summer camp.

I’m sorry OP. I have seen a lot of posts from moms about not making more friends at their kids’ school communities. When
I was younger, there were lots of mom friends. You are not alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with PP’s about individual playdates. Some kids don’t mesh so don’t spring it on people with multiple one on one texts that actually amount to a group play date. Also, while the reciprocation thing is annoying, I’ve found I had to let it go and appreciate the maybe 50% of parents who reciprocated.

Actually this is a good point. I teach my kids that we have to get along with all kinds of people at school, but in our free time, we only have to nurture relationships that we enjoy. When we get invited to large class group play dates, there is always this one kid my kid doesn’t like (I’m told the kid takes things from other kids and my kid has been consistent all year long with this story).

I’m not gonna lay all this out to the mom who keeps inviting us (that wouldn’t be nice and I only know my kid’s side of the story).

But maybe this could be some part of it?

[Anonymous]

Listen, people who don’t respond suck.

But you also have a lot of mixed messaging here. You talk about getting together with several moms from time to time. You talk about your kid have seven best friends. But then you say that both you and your kids have no friends/community. While you also say you host a lot.

Setting aside this texting issue, I think you need to figure out what you really want/need. My three close friends and I try to get together once a month. In reality, this ends up being more like 6 times a year. You may simply be overestimating what is reasonable. And your kids should be able to entertain themselves most weekends without friends involved. We don’t do weekend activities for my kid and we have plenty to do.

[Anonymous]

If you send me a group text, you will be blocked.

I have no energy for that crap and it’s very disrespectful passing out someone’s contact details to others without permission.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you send me a group text, you will be blocked.

I have no energy for that crap and it’s very disrespectful passing out someone’s contact details to others without permission.

This is a really f-ing weird take.

[Anonymous]

Why are your kids so lonely? They have each other to play with.