What is it about people not responding to playdate invitations?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Group texts are impersonal. As you saw first hand, individual invites are the way to go.

I get it. It's frustrating. But as a full time working mom I don't have much bandwidth to host playdates. Keep doing what you've doing if you want playdates for your kids. It's not personal.

This.

NP. I’m a working mom who does host play dates during the week and does allow my kids to go to play dates during the week, but it requires advance planning and advance notice, most of the time. On-the-fly and general doesn’t work for us, it needs to be worked into our overall schedule. That said, when my kids aren’t at play dates, they are at their aftercare, so they are already playing and socializing! I don’t think working parents always realize this. There’s a mom in our neighborhood who always invites us with “a chance for the girls to play after school” and I’m like, as opposed to what?

[Anonymous]

My take - and your evidence - is that this is 100% about the group rather than individual texting. I don't see group text invites as actual invites. More like a potential idea and I cantbe sure if I'd really be wanted. As someone newer to the neighborhood I would see if others responded and if they didn't I would think that was a norm not to. In addition, many people want to know what they're getting into, and if it sounds like a potentially chaotic situation with lots of kids and siblings (often who may not be as well supervised), I'd be hesitant to join. You should stick to individual texts if the group play date thing is not a thing in your circle.

[Anonymous]

Individual texts are much better. If I get a group text I sometimes don’t respond right away (because I don’t necessarily want to respond to the whole group, especially if it includes people I don’t know) and then I often forget about it but when I get individual texts I typically respond as soon as I see it. I agree that it’s rude that people are just not responding to your invitations but I bet anything it’s because it’s in a group text and unless it’s a text w close family/friends, in general people don’t respond to group texts as much. It likely has nothing to do w you or your kids.

Also, a lot of kids are very over scheduled, a lot of households have 2 working parents, and people are just really busy. I’m speaking about others; I work hard to keep my kids from getting over scheduled because I think they should have more time to just play, run around outside, hate friends over, etc but a lot of people don’t seem to do that. Almost everyone we know is super busy after school and on weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Group texts are impersonal. As you saw first hand, individual invites are the way to go.

I get it. It's frustrating. But as a full time working mom I don't have much bandwidth to host playdates. Keep doing what you've doing if you want playdates for your kids. It's not personal.

+1. I sometimes send out a last minute group text asking if anyone’s kids are free to meet up on a weekday or weekend. Sometimes people respond, and sometimes people don’t. They are busy. I get it. It’s not personal, so I don’t take it personally. If I really want my kids to hang out, I text people individually.

The other thing to consider is that not all kids are cool with hanging out with whoever shows up. My kids have their preferences, but they will happily hang out with anyone. But other kids will actively avoid other kids. One more than one occasion, kid X and/or their parent expressly told me that they wouldn’t have come if they knew kid Y was coming, and I had no idea. So that might be a reason why people don’t respond- they need to know who else is coming.

[Anonymous]

The honest answer to your question is that no-one wants to do group playdates, they suck, inevitably someone's feelings get hurt, we avoid them.

[Anonymous]

Group play dates at that age are not what most people want. 1 on 1 is better. And parents don't want to come it needs to be drop off.

I have also been ignored by play date requests though and I cannot explain it. Its so rude. I always assume I have the wrong number or wrong email and just move on but I never ask twice if I don't get a response the first time! As someone said, no response is your answer.

[Anonymous]

Our room parent tries to organize group playdates, we've had 3 this school year and those were all difficult to schedule. I think people are just very scheduled and the more people you add, the more difficult it becomes. I wasn't able to make any. On the other hand, the kindy kids just stay later after school and play on the playground and I know the girls all seem to be in girl scouts together.

I've also had individual playdate requests ignored. It's rude and I didn't feel great about it, but I'm pretty sure it was social at this age (our families are not friends). So now I ask 2x and if no response/no suggestion of another date, I just give up.

[Anonymous]

If it’s not a drop-off play date, you’re essentially asking a group of moms to hang out together. If they’re not already friends, that can be awkward. And if you send these every 3-4 weeks with no responses, they’re clearly not interested in being friends and may think you’re being pushy. No more group texts.

[Anonymous]

I agree the group texting is part of the problem. The other part is a lot of parents just aren’t interested in play dates.

I have three kids and after school time is filled with sports, homework, chores, trying to cook dinner. The last thing I want to add to the already complicated shuffle is sitting in traffic and driving across town to drop one child off, only to need to turn around and pick them up in a hour. It essentially wastes a huge block of time. Weekends are tricky too, unless it is a several hour play date or the location time are convenient considering the other plans we have going on. But most of the time they aren’t.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it is rude to not respond to an invitation.

[Anonymous]

They don’t like you it’s not a kid thing

[Anonymous]

Don’t do group texts. You need to do individual texts. When you do a group text it cab come across as if you’re willing to play with anybody versus an individual text you are want to play with that one family. I don’t know how to explain it, but that can make a difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it is rude to not respond to an invitation.

The point is the way she's doing it doesn't feel to people like an invitation

[Anonymous]

What on earth?? Someone texts you and you don't respond on at all? These people are rude, OP. Just drop them and try a new group of people.

Sometimes I think DCUM must be a different universe. No one I know acts like this in real life.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to separate a number of issues.

First, let go of the concern about reciprocal invites. There are a million reasons why people don’t reciprocate. I host my kid’s friends every six weeks or so. Most of them have never reciprocated in six years. It is fine. We are always happy for kids to come to us.

Second, if people are coming for 1:1 invites, then this isn’t some strange thing where they secretly hate you. Don’t worry about that. An easy answer to your problem is to just keep sending 1:1 invites even if inviting multiple kids.

That said, I never have issues with emails or group texts for getting responses. I wonder if some of it is how you are doing it. Don’t group text more than three people. And identify exactly you are inviting since other parents may not have the info on their phones. “This is Susie’s mom. Susie would love to host Jane, Sarah and Abigail on Saturday from 10-2. I will provide pizza for lunch.” Make sure you are hosting for at least three hours to make driving to you “worth” it if these folks live all over. Make clear that it is drop off. Just a few things to consider. I also wonder if you are combing age groups in your texts which may confuse people even more. I would not do this.