What is it about people not responding to playdate invitations?

[Anonymous]

I'm a mom with a 5 and 8 year old. I try to schedule a lot of playdates for them. I will send a group text or email to their friends' moms trying to schedule a fun meetup (usually at my house) and I even mention that siblings are welcome, and most of the time, not a single mom will respond. How can people just ignore a nice invitation to meet up? I just find it incredibly rude. If someone ever invited us to a playdate, especially at their home, I would be thrilled and would respond yes right away. But these other moms can't even be polite enough to send a text/email saying, "sorry that doesn't work for us but thanks for the invite." How hard it that to do?

Does anyone else get this kind of treatment from other moms or is it just me? I am starting to feel rejected all the time when I'm just trying to help my kids make friends. No one ever invites us to anything. In the last two years my kids have only been invited to one actual playdate. We host a lot because I want my kids to make friends.

[Anonymous]

A lot of playdates are really social for the family so if they don't like you or you are not friends they will have no interest.

[Anonymous]

I also find that people don’t respond in group texts! Maybe try individual texts.

[Anonymous]

Do your kids have behavioral issues? The lack of responses and invitations suggests something is up.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP, that sounds really hard. I’m not sure why you keep having the same issue. A few ideas - maybe instead of reaching out to a group you could try just one family at a time? And instead of coming to your house, maybe suggest meeting at a playground? Do you have any in person interactions with the other parents? Maybe suggesting a playdate in person will give you a better feel for what the issue is.

I’ve been on both sides of not responding to invitations - I’ve sent texts that go unanswered and I’ve missed responding to texts. I work full time and have 2 young kids, and I’m keeping up with all of the other random life stuff to the best of my ability. Truly, sometimes I just miss responding to a text or an email. All the parents I know are in the same boat, so I try not to take it personally when I don’t hear back.

[Anonymous]

Agree w/ PP go with individual texts - more personalized and harder to ignore. For someone like me who is bad about creating individual contacts, the group text would be an invitation to your house with a list of numbers and I wouldn’t be able to identify who else was on the text (i.e., put names to numbers). Another thing to consider, by the time my kids were in kindergarten I had no interest (or time) to accompany my kid on a playdate. It was drop and go for a couple hours. The playdate was for the kid and not a social thing for me.

[Anonymous]

Drop the play date requests for a while. Let your girls play together, and take them to the playground if you want them to be around other kids.

[Anonymous]

I always respond.

That said, when I don’t get an answer, I know I have my answer. Take the hint.

[Anonymous]

I would do individual.

Sometimes I get group texts and I don’t respond if we are not available. I may have to check time and date and forget to text back.

I always respond to individual texts. I am in multiple text chains where people just text a lot. I often miss a lot of stuff in those large group texts.

[Anonymous]

OP here. The problem is that my kids' friends are all at their school. I am trying to reach out to their moms to set up playdates (maybe once every 3-4 weeks) but I am getting very little interest. I have two daughters who have no behavioral issues, so that is not the problem. We have invited individual kids over for playdates and that is usually well received, the moms usually respond then and the kids come over. But sometimes I get tired of asking individual moms for playdates so I do a group invite instead, that feels a little less embarassing since we are never invited anywhere and no one ever reciprocates.

We have no friends in the neighborhood or through all the activities my daughters are in, and they are always asking for playdates with their school friends, who are their only friends. But I feel like the moms of their school friends are not interested in the kids getting together after school or on weekends. I feel like I'm the only one asking for playdates and they are just not that interested, so that puts me in a tough place because my daughters have no other friends. We also have no local family.

I have tried to enroll my daughters in more social activities but it hasn't helped them make friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also find that people don’t respond in group texts! Maybe try individual texts.

This. I am in a few groups of moms that are sometimes crickets after an invite.

I normally send one or two texts to the people I’m closest to, and then invite the group. That way those 2 chime in quickly with “see you then!” and the other know it won’t just be them and me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The problem is that my kids' friends are all at their school. I am trying to reach out to their moms to set up playdates (maybe once every 3-4 weeks) but I am getting very little interest. I have two daughters who have no behavioral issues, so that is not the problem. We have invited individual kids over for playdates and that is usually well received, the moms usually respond then and the kids come over. But sometimes I get tired of asking individual moms for playdates so I do a group invite instead, that feels a little less embarassing since we are never invited anywhere and no one ever reciprocates.

We have no friends in the neighborhood or through all the activities my daughters are in, and they are always asking for playdates with their school friends, who are their only friends. But I feel like the moms of their school friends are not interested in the kids getting together after school or on weekends. I feel like I'm the only one asking for playdates and they are just not that interested, so that puts me in a tough place because my daughters have no other friends. We also have no local family.

I have tried to enroll my daughters in more social activities but it hasn't helped them make friends.

Some of the other moms must work FT, so can't host playdates after school. Sounds like you are getting some individual responses. Just keep going with those and drop the group texts.

[Anonymous]

Group texts are impersonal. As you saw first hand, individual invites are the way to go.

I get it. It's frustrating. But as a full time working mom I don't have much bandwidth to host playdates. Keep doing what you've doing if you want playdates for your kids. It's not personal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The problem is that my kids' friends are all at their school. I am trying to reach out to their moms to set up playdates (maybe once every 3-4 weeks) but I am getting very little interest. I have two daughters who have no behavioral issues, so that is not the problem. We have invited individual kids over for playdates and that is usually well received, the moms usually respond then and the kids come over. But sometimes I get tired of asking individual moms for playdates so I do a group invite instead, that feels a little less embarassing since we are never invited anywhere and no one ever reciprocates.

We have no friends in the neighborhood or through all the activities my daughters are in, and they are always asking for playdates with their school friends, who are their only friends. But I feel like the moms of their school friends are not interested in the kids getting together after school or on weekends. I feel like I'm the only one asking for playdates and they are just not that interested, so that puts me in a tough place because my daughters have no other friends. We also have no local family.

I have tried to enroll my daughters in more social activities but it hasn't helped them make friends.

If their friends are at school then let them play at school. Recess, aftercare, maybe hang out at the playground before or after school. Many families don’t do play dates on the weekends. Those are reserved for nuclear family, relatives, and family friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Group texts are impersonal. As you saw first hand, individual invites are the way to go.

I get it. It's frustrating. But as a full time working mom I don't have much bandwidth to host playdates. Keep doing what you've doing if you want playdates for your kids. It's not personal.

This.